Solving Family Rows

gunsandbanjos

I've only just read this thread - went back and read your other one too regarding your birth partner:eek: I don't have any advice really but just wanted to wish you luck with the impending birth of your son:A

Your MiL sounds like an absolute nightmare, if anyone had spoken to me like that they would not be anywhere near my daughter or me.

Molly41

Obviously situation has moved on since my last post. Hope you got on ok with solicitor. Wonder if she is having some kind of breakdown seeing as this behaviour is so out of character?

Primrose

This is really the last thing you need at the moment, so close to your birth. However, difficult it is, try to put it to the back of your mind so that you can concentrate on the important things in your life. Good luck for when the baby arrives. Hope it is a stressless and happy event for you.

Kay_Peel

Your mother in law is deluded - let her waste her money on seeing a solicitor. Grandparents apply for custody where the adult children are neglectful, violent, mentally ill or otherwise unable to function as a parent - not because they don't like the daughter in law.

It's an empty threat.

I would either ignore it or I'd reply back that I will refer any more threatening and intimidating text messages to the police and seek redress for harassment.

Minxy_Bella

I've been thinking about this thread today and an incident that happened to me sprang to mind.

I was very heavily pregnant and received an anonymous hate letter, presumably from a student at the school where I taught.

I was deeply upset by it and was advised to contact the police, which I did. I was interviewed by a cop, who took it very seriously as he deemed this letter to be an assault, under the law, as it had caused me severe distress.

I'm just wondering if these communications sent by your ex-MIL might be viewed in the same vein by the authorities??

You are in such a vulnerable state at the moment, it's unforgivable of her to threaten you with court action over nowt. I might be tempted to see what the police might have to say, perhaps in the prelude to getting an injunction.

I hope you're bearing up ok, love and feel reassured by all the supportive posts on here.

xxx

GobbledyGook

I have seen my solicitor today and she is in shock like I am! However she put together a strongly (but fairly) worded letter stating that there are no grounds for her to be making threats to me in my current state and that any future threats of a similar nature would be taken as harassment. She also reiterated in the letter that only I and anyone who has my express permission can collect my daughters from any school or social activity.

Ex and I actually went to the police station together after this as we both received texts that were firstly abusive and second had thinly veiled threats about taking our girls abroad to their holiday home. There isn't much they can do as she hasn't actually done anything, but they have recorded it and if the texts continue then they will consider it harassment.

Speaking to my Ex today and with what FIL said I'm actually realising now that she has been quite controlling over the years, but I've just never realised it. I'm rather stunned tbh. I just thought we were being a good family, but it has just dawned on me that I have never said no to her over anything. Not because I'm easily led or walked over, but because I've never seen reason to.

There's never been a reason to stop her taking the girls to the zoo or disneyland. There's also never been reason to refuse a night's peace of her taking them overnight! I just thought that was her being a Granny!

I've had a locksmith around today to change the locks on my front door, although I don't think she has had a key, but better safe than sorry. I've also spoken to my neighbours explaining that there has been a situation so could they please not let anyone, family or not, through the security entry doors at the bottom of the stairs.

If she was hoping to get the Ex and I closer then she's succeeded as we're actually getting on quite well. I think we may actually do ok as separated parents. Although my guard is staying well and truly up as he and his family seem able to turn on a sixpence!!

Gemma x

GobbledyGook

Thank you.

Gemma x

jackieglasgow

Glad to see your exOH, the police and your legal eagle are all taking your concerns seriously. Silly, silly woman. Hope her husband has some balls and stands up to her and tells her right off. X

InaPickle

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Your mother in law is deluded - let her waste her money on seeing a solicitor. Grandparents apply for custody where the adult children are neglectful, violent, mentally ill or otherwise unable to function as a parent - not because they don't like the daughter in law.

It's an empty threat.

I would either ignore it or I'd reply back that I will refer any more threatening and intimidating text messages to the police and seek redress for harassment.

I wouldn't count this as an empty threat. Grandparents are only GRANTED custody in the above cases, but there's nothing to stop somebody launching a case claiming any of the above even if it's not true. I wouldn't reply at all, either: let solicitors do the talking from now on in.

And as for the solicitor's - good stuff, GobbledyGook! :T Hopefully the solicitor's letter will make her see sense (or make FIL see it for her and talk it into her). If you ever decide to allow her to see the children in the future, ensure that you lay down incredibly strict rules and make it clear in no uncertain terms that if they are not followed TO THE LETTER, that all contact will end immediately. And with regard to what she said about the holiday home, ensure that their passports are hidden somewhere that only you knows and which can't be accessed by someone rifling through your affairs if left in a room for a few minutes on their own.

Best of luck. I look forward to hearing what happens next. x

coolcait

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Before this happened I would have whole heartedly agreed with you. However, from speaking to my FIL it's quite clear that MIL is - loudly - telling all and sundry about how selfish I am.

I am simply not prepared to have my children in a situation where they are told nasty things and downright lies about me. That is a horrific situation for a child to be in - a situation I remember too well from my own childhood.

At the end of the day her son cheated on me, chucked myself and our children out of the house, left me so skint my wedding ring got sold, spoke to me like I was a piece of rubbish, she has called me names, shouted at me like I was a child and been slating me to all and sundry.........and despite ALL of that I have never, ever uttered a bad word about any of them to my daughters. If she/they cannot offer me the same manners then I see no way that she will play a positive role in my children's lives and they do not need negative roles in their lives.

From what I can see most Grandparents in split relationships have their contact with their grandchildren through their child and given that she has disowned him then she's made life much more difficult for herself.


I've had a text this morning threatening "court action" and she is going "all out for full custody of MY girls" (her wording) so I guess it'll be a trip to the legal eagle tomorrow morning. Bridges burnt as far as I'm concerned.

Gemma x

I'm so sorry - for you - that you are now facing this extra and unnecessary trauma because of your MIL's behaviour. I think she has now made it clear where she is coming from, and - horrible though the situation is - at least that means you can sadly rule out conciliation as as option.

I think you can be very proud of the way you have dealt with this situation so far, and I'm sure that you'll continue to deal with it well. On a more cynical level, your open-minded response to your MIL's demands, and your attempts to keep finding a reasoned solution should stand you in good stead in demonstrating who is being reasonable and unreasonable here (just in case there's any doubt, I think you're the one who's being reasonable!).

As others have said, I doubt very much that your MIL will have a legal leg to stand on in getting custody. But it's still something you could do without at any time, never mind being so close to having a baby.

Take care of yourself! x