Solving Family Rows

coolcait

Person_one wrote: »

I'm sorry, but children don't 'need' grandparents, good grandparents are a wonderful bonus, bad ones can do an awful lot of damage!

The same could be said of 'parents'.

I don't see why children should suffer because the (supposed) adults in their lives can't get on with each other.

It should (IMO) be no different from divorce. "Mummy and daddy don't love each other any more, but we both still love you". "Mummy and granny don't love each other any more, but we both still love you".

All of the above recognising that 'loving' parents and grandparents can still be bringing toxic views to the children.

coolcait

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

family don't come out with comments like that

I'm afraid they do.

Been there, done that, got the scars.

And remember that the OP's MIL is her husband's 'family'.

'Family' aren't always nice.

Zazen999

coolcait wrote: »

I don't see why children should suffer because the (supposed) adults in their lives can't get on with each other.

As far as I can make out - the OP is more than happy to get on with granny, it's granny that is wanting to sour her relationship and it doesn't sound to me as if OP is slating the kids' granny as she is trying to sort it out and saying that they are on hols until granny comes to her senses.

I think you are misreading the situation here; OP is trying to sort it as nicely as she can without upsetting the kids.

GobbledyGook

coolcait wrote: »

The same could be said of 'parents'.

I don't see why children should suffer because the (supposed) adults in their lives can't get on with each other.

It should (IMO) be no different from divorce. "Mummy and daddy don't love each other any more, but we both still love you". "Mummy and granny don't love each other any more, but we both still love you".

All of the above recognising that 'loving' parents and grandparents can still be bringing toxic views to the children.

Before this happened I would have whole heartedly agreed with you. However, from speaking to my FIL it's quite clear that MIL is - loudly - telling all and sundry about how selfish I am.

I am simply not prepared to have my children in a situation where they are told nasty things and downright lies about me. That is a horrific situation for a child to be in - a situation I remember too well from my own childhood.

At the end of the day her son cheated on me, chucked myself and our children out of the house, left me so skint my wedding ring got sold, spoke to me like I was a piece of rubbish, she has called me names, shouted at me like I was a child and been slating me to all and sundry.........and despite ALL of that I have never, ever uttered a bad word about any of them to my daughters. If she/they cannot offer me the same manners then I see no way that she will play a positive role in my children's lives and they do not need negative roles in their lives.

From what I can see most Grandparents in split relationships have their contact with their grandchildren through their child and given that she has disowned him then she's made life much more difficult for herself.


I've had a text this morning threatening "court action" and she is going "all out for full custody of MY girls" (her wording) so I guess it'll be a trip to the legal eagle tomorrow morning. Bridges burnt as far as I'm concerned.

Gemma x

January20

She called them "My girls"?? On what ground does she think she can have custody of your children? I think you should start writing down everything that happened and everything that was said to you so you can describe it clearly to your legal eagle! I cannot believe it! I am so sorry for you, Gemma. It's really the last thing you need right now, but I think she is doing it to force you into doing what she wants ie your ex at the birth and she knows she has little time left. What a stupid and selfish woman!

Brighton_belle

This woman is unbelievable.It must feel like everything before has been a charade. Or she is completely cracking up. But her husband didn't seem to think so, in the way he talked about standing up to her. On what possible basis can she apply for custody of 'her' girls.

GG: I am so sorry it has come to this. I know how much you cherished the sense of family you had after your early experince. This isn't fair.

Person_one

She has absolutely no chance of getting custody, in fact you might have grounds for an injunction to stop her seeing them if she's been threatening to take them without your permission! (I'm not at all suggesting you go down that route, just pointing out how ridiculous she's being).

You could try to feel thankful that she showed her true colours sooner rather than later, your children are young enough that she won't be a lasting influence on them and they should recover quickly from her disappearance from their lives.

I'm really sorry this is happening after you've been through so much. I really hope that in the future you can meet new people who can become the family you deserve.

Liquorice_Twirls

and she is going "all out for full custody of MY girls"

That absolutely confirms to me that this isn't about keeping in contact with her grandchildren, it is about control. It wasn't "full custody of Jenny and Sally" but "my girls" like they are possessions that can be moved around as such.

She is now estranged from her son, you and he have come to an amicable arrangement and I believe that she feels the control she may have had over you and your family is slipping away, so she is now getting the big guns out (so to speak) by threatening legal action.

These are acts of a desperate woman, not that I think you should feel sorry for her. Her hubby more or less confirmed she needs standing up to, so even if you haven't seen the control and manipulation until now, he is acknowledging this is happening.

I think for the time being it might be as well that you do all keep away from them. As other posters have said, they will have no chance of gaining custody, it's all threats. Keep the diary of contact/texts etc as someone suggested as you never know if you will need it.

Hope you can create your own little sanctuary for the birth ahead and keep any bad vibes out of it.

Hugs x

Steel_2

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Before this happened I would have whole heartedly agreed with you. However, from speaking to my FIL it's quite clear that MIL is - loudly - telling all and sundry about how selfish I am.

I am simply not prepared to have my children in a situation where they are told nasty things and downright lies about me. That is a horrific situation for a child to be in - a situation I remember too well from my own childhood.

At the end of the day her son cheated on me, chucked myself and our children out of the house, left me so skint my wedding ring got sold, spoke to me like I was a piece of rubbish, she has called me names, shouted at me like I was a child and been slating me to all and sundry.........and despite ALL of that I have never, ever uttered a bad word about any of them to my daughters. If she/they cannot offer me the same manners then I see no way that she will play a positive role in my children's lives and they do not need negative roles in their lives.

From what I can see most Grandparents in split relationships have their contact with their grandchildren through their child and given that she has disowned him then she's made life much more difficult for herself.


I've had a text this morning threatening "court action" and she is going "all out for full custody of MY girls" (her wording) so I guess it'll be a trip to the legal eagle tomorrow morning. Bridges burnt as far as I'm concerned.

Gemma x

As we suspected, she's an utter manipulative control freak who is gutted she's lost control over you. This is her ways of trying to scare you back under her control. How very scary that she views the children as hers, as if you don't exist and aren't important. Be very careful and seek legal advice as soon as possible. Even if she doesn't have a chance, sometimes !!!!!es like this can still cause a lot of trouble and cost you a lot of money. Also, get a new sim card and change your mobile number so you don't get any more silly texts.

Have you decided how you're going to handle her if she marches into your home within hours of giving birth demanding to see the children?

Right now, I wouldn't put it past her to catch you off guard. Make sure your ex leaves off announcing you've gone into labour or the baby's birth until you are up on your feet and recovered.

sp1987

If she is the sort of person who throws insults about someone's difficult (understatement!) childhood with drug addicted parents to cause upset, then she is the sort of person I would have wiped the floor with. The sort of person whos own son won't speak to her? The sort of person who refers to grandchildren as objects? Calling you a spoilt brat too, ridiculous. I dare say if you were the child of parents with addictions you had less than you needed in a variety of ways and her son perpetuated the level of below par treatment you received.

Good on you for being enough of a person to rise above her ridiculous bullying.

If I was you I'd send a calm text back stating that you will be contacting the police regarding her harassment if it continues as threats will not be tolerated. Keep a record of everything, people can and do often turn and you just never know when you will require the information.

Nobody should have to be spoken to like that. If my own mother spoke to me like that, she would not hear from me again. I would not want my child near someone who could be so utterly spiteful to another human being (especially regarding the actions of your parents which you had no control over). It isn't about using a child as a pawn, it is about the child having as much positive influence from people as is possible, and as little negative influence as possible. I remember when I was about 11 and a member of my father's family made a comment about my mother to me on my own, as she thought she would try and upset my mother through me. I said something snappy and rude back but my blood literally boils when I think of that bitter, twisted, horrible old bag.