Solving Family Rows

*Louise*

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I've had a text this morning threatening "court action" and she is going "all out for full custody of MY girls" (her wording) so I guess it'll be a trip to the legal eagle tomorrow morning. Bridges burnt as far as I'm concerned.

Gemma x

WHAT???????:mad:


OMG she has really shown her true colours now hasn't she? She insults you, doesn't apologise and then decides she wants to take YOUR children???

Although she has no grounds and cannot take your children, please keep a record of everything that is happening, save any texts etc, you just never know if you might need them
She sound like the sort of person who would easily lie to a judge to make you appear like a bad mother.

Steel wrote: »

Have you decided how you're going to handle her if she marches into your home within hours of giving birth demanding to see the children?

Right now, I wouldn't put it past her to catch you off guard. Make sure your ex leaves off announcing you've gone into labour or the baby's birth until you are up on your feet and recovered.

This is a very good point, I would have the door locked and make sure everyone knew not to let anyone in.

daska

sp1987 wrote: »

If I was you I'd send a calm text back stating that you will be contacting the police regarding her harassment if it continues as threats will not be tolerated. Keep a record of everything, people can and do often turn and you just never know when you will require the information.

I'd say don't respond at all until you've seen your solicitor. And you might specifically want to ask whether there are any measures you can take to ensure that your MIL can be formally prevented from even trying to visit your home.

I hope it all goes really well if your son decides to make his entrance sooner rather than later.

lindseykim13

Having only just jumped in here i'd ignore her now and concentrate on your family. Don't text her back etc as it will just add fuel i think now.
She sounds like my mil and after a few weeks ignoring her the desperate apollogies may come. At least in the mean time you can give birth in peace.

InaPickle

Hi GobbledyGook,

I've bumped into your thread before and thought that you were dealing with the situation admirably, but your MILs behaviour has just rang some very loud alarm bells in my head as there is a fairly similar legal situation with regard to access to grandchildren (except in this case it's a mother suing her own daughter for access to her grandchildren) in my family. I know that it hasn't got quite that far with regard to your children yet, but please do not underestimate the fact that it could happen and might not just be an angry bluff on behalf of MIL, and please seek appropriate legal advice while you can in the time before the birth to see where you stand with regard to direct and indirect (via father when children see him) access to MIL. I know you have more than enough to deal with at this time, and that it is unfair that this has also been left at your doorstep, but there are some seriously sick and twisted control freak MILs out there who assume that they have the right to anything they want, and that all they have to do is shout loudly enough or snap their fingers loudly enough to get it.

Best of luck and congratualtions on your impending baby!

paddy's_mum

Change the locks. Your estranged hubby is hardly likely to object too loudly just at the moment and improving your security should help improve your peace of mind while you're more vulnerable than usual. THe comment by F-i-L is so revealing that it's clanging a warning you mustn't - indeed, cannot afford - to ignore.

Personally, I can't see how your M-i-L can possibly undo the harm/damage she has wrought and recover any of what has been lost.

I'm afraid that I would do my utmost to keep her apart from my children, not for spite, but because she has now proved beyond any doubt that she is unpredictable, spiteful and dangerous. How are you going to repair the damage if the day ever dawns when she takes on about something one of the children has done, of which she disapproves, and starts in on them in the same malicious way? What good mother lets her children poke a sleeping cobra with a stick?

This has all gone far, far beyond any kind of 'normal' family spat, and in your shoes, I would be doing as others have suggested in taking legal advice and speaking to the Police. Good luck and be proud of yourself for keeping your integrity and rising above such stinking behaviour.

GobbledyGook

Thank you for all the advice. I've explained the situation to nursery and school this morning. Thankfully both were very helpful, nursery are always v.strict and school have agreed DD1 can be picked up at the main doors for now.

I have an emergency appointment at noon so I shall be exploring the legal avenues then. Certainly want to put a stop to any nonsense before it starts.

I'm puzzled by my FIL. He has NEVER said anything before about my MIL being manipulative or anything of the sort. She has always referred to the girls as "our girls", but that has never bothered me. She has 2 sons and no other grandchildren. FIL calls them "my poppets" so I've never had occasion to question it.

My ex is coming round shortly to discuss things again and is giving me a life to the office. He is totally onside. Luckily I'm a bit of a diary nerd so everything is detailed already.

I can see now instances in the past that could be interpreted (and have been by FIL) where she has been demanding, but she has been so helpful in other situations I've never seen the need to say no. If that makes sense. I've never once felt very obliged to let her take my girls places, but I've never had occasion to say no either. I think that explains what I mean.

What a mess. Can't believe she put a lot of work into trying to help the situation with ex only to do this. It seems instead of being the daughter she never had (as she has been saying since I was a schoolgirl!) and was in fact just a womb for her grandchildren.

Again, thank you for all the help.
Gemma x

*Louise*

Just a thought....you should probably mention to the school, riding club etc that NO-ONE but you is to collect the girls.

I know it's far-fetched :obut I was thinking of Corrie, where Simon's grandfather picked him up and just took him away and there wasn't much that ws being done about it until it went to court.

I'm sorry, not trying to scare you, but from the little I have heard, I really wouldn't trust the woman. She has already insisted she will be picking up 'her girls' from riding the other day.

mrcow

Good grief - this has gone from a minor disagreement to a complete mountain! She's completely lost the plot - most likely it's one of the only times someone has said "no" to her and she has absolutely no idea how to handle it reasonably.

Good luck with the solicitor. She's going to make a fool of herself if she starts down any custody route, but it's good to get all of your angles covered.

What annoys me the most about all this is that she's doing it at a time when you need SUPPORT. As a grandparent, she could have really pulled the stops out in terms of being a major supportive player in the lives of her grandchildren.

Instead, she's behaving like a selfish idiot. No concern for her family, their feelings, the future - only herself. She's going to lose out big-time. Even if bridges are made, this won't be forgotton in any kind of hurry.

paddy's_mum

I would bet money that the F-i-L is also very shocked by just how fast and far this has gone. Bear in mind, too, that he is hearing every last spiteful comment she makes and has almost certainly had his ideas shaken up about the character (when thwarted) of his wife.

It's sounding more and more as though everyone involved is having their eyes opened, big time. Stupid, stupid woman!! No bit of Elastoplast in the world is going to mend this gaping wound.

red_devil

some family rows can never be healed.

We have been esstranged from the other halfs siblings for some years. Despite one or two attempts and odd meetings nothing has been solved and we arent really friends or seeing one another. I think the relationship is now to fractured to survive.

sometimes so many nasty things are said and done its hard to get back on track and the longer it goes on the worse it gets.