Solving Family Rows

Abbafan1972

I have been working my way through this thread today and am totally shocked at this woman's behaviour.

I agree with what everyone else has said. It's good that you've moved the passports. It's awful that she classes your girls as her property.

It was your choice who you wanted in the room for the birth and yours alone.

All she will end up doing is just digging herself an even bigger hole and she will be the one losing out if ends that she can't see the grandchildren at all.

I certainly wouldn't let her anywhere near the new baby when he arrives, as the woman sounds like she's mentally unstable.

Good luck with the new arrival. x (((Hugs))))

Steel_2

Every time I read an update from GG I swing between disbelief, anger and having to lie down in a darkened room with a wet flannel on my forehead.

She threatens to take the children to her holiday home.

She.threatens.to.kidnap.your.children.

You end up having to talk to the Police and send a solicitor's letter. Your ex-husband supports you shoulder to shoulder against his own mother.

YOUR MIL IS INSANE!!!

Run for the hills. There's a narcissist on the loose.

I so want to be a fly on the wall when that letter turns up.

Steel_2

GobbledyGook wrote: »

There's never been a reason to stop her taking the girls to the zoo or disneyland. There's also never been reason to refuse a night's peace of her taking them overnight! I just thought that was her being a Granny!

Not. She probably wanted to replace you.

I suspect she had some strange little fantasy that they were her little girls.

Did she ever have any other children besides your ex-husband?

EDITED TO ADD:

Actually that makes a lot of sense.

Why would she support her daughter-in-law so much against her son? To keep hold of 'her little girls'.

Were her gifts - like trips to Disneyland etc - to treat the whole family or show the little girls that only granny treated them to nice things like that, and their parents couldn't?

Why would she want her son in the room with you so much when you gave birth hat she was willing to go this far? It's not on his behalf is it! Was she offering to be the one to look after the girls because you two 'couldn't' - yet again granny rides to the rescue for her girls? I wonder what her real opinion of her son is? We now know what her real opinion of you is.

Has she ever said anything odd to your girls, along the lines of her loving them more or would always look after them if you couldn't cope? She obviously thinks your childhood has damaged you - could she have said anything to your girls to make them believe you are more fragile than her so she looks stronger and more motherly?

GobbledyGook

Steel - something you said has just made something click in my head.

When we discussed the birth thing I actually asked her to be my standby birth partner. So she would be there when the baby was born and she wasn't interested. Therefore she's not controlling over me and ALL of my children. My baby is a boy, so it's just my girls.

My ex has a younger brother. She had a baby girl who died at a few hours old. She's never spoken to me about her except for when my eldest was christened and she asked if we'd consider using the christening gown that her baby girl was christened in. (We didn't in the end as it didn't fit, although we wouldn't have anyway as I thought it was creepy and DD wasn't christened for a few months).

They've taken them to disney and stuff without us. It's not that we couldn't (ex and I had much more disposable income than they did/do), but they done them as extras. I just seen them in the way I seen my grandparents. They were the ones that doted on us and took us places. I just thought the girls were lucky to have both parents and grandparents who did that.

I'm not sure if she's ever said anything about me to the girls. I hope not, but no idea how I'd ever know.

So it looks like my MIL has been making even more of a mug of me than her son did. Crazy. This woman has been like a second/stand in mother to me since I was at school.

Abbafan1972

That is really creepy. I did wonder if perhaps she was somehow pining for a daughter.

Zazen999

Wow Gemma.

Deep; and very scarey.

All the more reason I think now to keep her away from them. The christening thing couldn't BE more wrong.

Sadly, it could be this very thing [her fixation on girls] that leads her son to treat women the way he has.....I wonder what his reaction would be if he had this pointed out.....not that that would be a good idea in all honesty but she is more than a little obsessed on the topic isn't she?

I wonder if she had something planned for the time you were having the baby. :eek:

aliasojo

Zazen999 wrote: »

I wonder if she had something planned for the time you were having the baby. :eek:

I've not posted but have read this thread and the other one since the start. Like everyone else, I've been appalled. Zazen's comment was my thought too, the MIL seemed far too insistant about the birth thing and I always felt there was much more to it than met the eye. Maybe she was concerned for her son, but she was much more concerned for herself imo. Her controlling attitude is now so obvious for all to see. Certainly not to be trusted.

Good luck with the birth Gemma. Things happen for a reason and I have no doubt all this kicking off now is actually a blessing in disguise even although it may not feel like it at the moment. I think the timing has probably saved you from worse, for all you're heavily pregnant, it would be even more difficult for you to deal with this once you'd had the baby and were tired and emotional. A fact she was probably counting on.

neneromanova

Sorry but the more I read this thread the more I want to smack her!! How dare she act like this! I'd be tempted to get a restraining order so she HAS to stay away from your kids and there is no chance of her taking them at all.

Steel_2

GobbledyGook wrote: »

She had a baby girl who died at a few hours old. She's never spoken to me about her except for when my eldest was christened and she asked if we'd consider using the christening gown that her baby girl was christened in. (We didn't in the end as it didn't fit, although we wouldn't have anyway as I thought it was creepy and DD wasn't christened for a few months)

Oh dear.

It does explain why she's being so weird over all of this.

I wonder if she ever really got over losing her daughter? It doesn't excuse her behaviour but does explain some of her possessiveness. They obviously tried for another baby and had two boys and decided to stop there and not try for a third in case it was another boy. And I guess being female in an all male household with two young children she may not have felt understood or maybe been able to grieve properly.

In a way I feel sorry for her. She obviously misses your daughters, but her behaviour is too erratic and possessive to override my instincts to be very wary of her. She has strong narc traits and is probably very jealous of you.

You are their mother when all is said and done, and you make the decisions about their health and safety. Not grandma.

There were so many ways she could have played this if she was a genuine doting grandma. Abuse, manipulation, bullying and veiled threats to take your daughters should not have ever featured among them.

Zazen999

I read it that the ex's brother had a baby daughter, not the MIL.