Solving Family Rows

Steel_2

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I did open her letter. It was full of rubbish. It was basically a "this is all the times I've helped you" list full of nonsense. She was trying to play the "see how nice I am".

It then contained a timetable for when I was to have the children, when ex was to have them and when she is to have them. :rotfl:

She's been told by my solicitor and had a visit from the police that any attempt to take, collect or pick up my children without my express permission will be viewed as kidnap - pure and simple. I'm told that she's now going to court for access (having been told there's no chance of residence), but given that she told my eldest that one day her, her sister, Granny and Grampa would all live together abroad it's not very likely she'll get it.

She no longer exists as far as I'm concerned. Even her husband is on the verge of leaving her over the whole saga. Tellingly she hasn't even attempted to see Josiah. FIL has, but she's not asked not attempted too so that has added weight to the concerns about her intentions to the girls and will damage her already pathetically weak case.

Gemma x

Oooooooooo what a controlling nasty person.

I'm now more convinced than ever that she is trying to replace you as their mother and has been waging her own little sneaky stealth plan to undermine you and discredit you, probably for many years.

How does you ex feel about all this? And is your FIL really thinking of leaving her?

gratefulforhelp_2

How is it all going, Gemma?

GobbledyGook

Hi all.

It's going well just now. MIL is quiet, though I'm not letting my guard down. More and more I'm realising just how manipulative she is/has been.

Josiah is doing great. Feeding like a dream, sleeping as well as babies his age do and the girls are adoring him.

Steel - Ex is shattered. He's furious with his mother. As he says we just got to a point where we were on speaking terms, he was happy with things and her actions could have lead to me saying that none of them were welcome around and they could only have very minimum of access. He's coming round most evenings atm and he's either dealing with the baby to give me time to bath and bed the girls or the opposite so he's very grateful that I'm allowing him such a good amount of time with the 3 of them.

FIL is in a terrible state. He's feeling very guilty because he's always just ignored MIL's behaviour. I think it's been a case of "anything for a quiet life". He is quite shocked though about her telling my daughter that they'd be living in the holiday home full time one day. He hasn't told me what she said, but has said that a few things she's said about me over the years. He has point blank refused to back her contact bid and has written a letter to my solicitor telling her some things that I don't know. He's also said that if it gets to court he'll be the first to stand up and tell them she shouldn't have access. He's still living with her, but it's very frosty and very much separate rooms at the moment.

My younger brother-in-law, who I've always been quite close to, is home from university and has moved in with ex while he's on holiday. He's been a fantastic support and took the children while ex and I went to see my solicitor for some divorce advice.

I don't quite feel so alone anymore and my Health Visitor has been brilliant too.

Thanks for all the support
Gemma x

Primrose

Gemma - It sounds as if your ex's parents life is falling apart and the best thing you can do is isolate yourself from it as far as it practical, whilst giving your f-i-l the support he obviously needs in a situation with his wife that has got out of control.
It would be a pity to ruin your obviously good relationship with him. However, he does have to take a certain amount of responsibility for not dealing with it as it has built up and for having had an 'ostrich with head in the sand' attitude.
It sounds as if you've got all the practical issues of passports, GP, child contact under control, so the best thing you can do now is enjoy your new baby and the new cordial relationship you have with your ex and try to let the rest of it take its natural course.

*Louise*

Thanks for the update, nice to know that even FIL is on your side!!

I don't really blame him for sitting back before - you said yourself you gave in to most things because you didn't even realise what she was doing was manipulating you, it all came across as helping...I'm guiessing he was much the same and has now just had the same wake up call you have.

Mind you, I guess that does depend on what is in the info he has given the solicitor as to how much he was aware of what was going on.



Not being funny, but possibly this argument could be the best thing to have happened in the long run...can you imagine how much more she could have been turning the girls minds over the coming years and you would never have known? It doesn't bear thinking about!

Steel_2

Sooner or later manipulative people end up turning others against them.

I'm really pleased at the level of support you're getting from everyone.

And I'm very impressed with your FIL for having the guts to write that letter to your solicitor.

Brighton_belle

yup, I'm impressed by f-in-l guts too. On the other hand, you deserve nothing less to be honest.
I am relieved you actually feel supported at the mo and not quite so alone. Ttis has all been astonishing and quite atrocious, but through it all you have consistent and level headed and decent.

It's totally ironic how well you are getting on with your ex. But thankfully that is one less stress for you.
I hope everything continues to be this relative calm and you can enjoy your children. Wonderful to hear how much the girls are enjoying their little bro.

Thanks a lot for keeping us updated.

Loretta

I just wanted to tell you smething that hapened in my family. My mother (adopted) sounds just like your MIL, we never got on but my parents were seperated and I stayed with my Dad so I was lucky. My sister, 10 years older than me and never in good health, stayed with her and was completely controlled and manipulated by her. Strangely just us 2 daughters no sons. My sister had a baby boy which my mother thought she 'owned' just like your MIL. After a falling out my sister went to live in Jersey, my Dad bought her a house there, which kept her a bit seperate from Mother, in those days bad weather etc kept travel to Jersey a bit difficult in winter etc. they had not spoken for a few months and one day my sister dropped her son at the nursery and when she went back 4 hours later was told that his grandmother had collected him. She had found out where she lived and the address of the nursery, flown to Jersey, colleted him and flown back in that 4 hours! Talk about panic! even with some good and quick legal intervention it took some time to get him back. Unlike the OP we all always knew what Mother was like and this still happened. This was in the days when security etc wasn't what it is like now. My Mother then went to live in Spain for the rest of her life but if she lived there when this happened it would have been even more of an nightmare to get him back I expect. I was 13 or 14 when all this happened and I still think about it with horror and remember the drama well

.My 2 oldest children aged 38 and 39 were snatched by their father when they were about 14 months and 5 months, and taken to Scotland where he had grandparents which is still very difficult, different laws, so I flew up and took them back while he was in the pub. Luckily grandparents knew he was a nut job and very bravely helped me. I then found he had applied for a passport for them saying we had lost them, just got there in time!

Never under estimate anyone, once the start being loony they get very clever with it. I am afraid I have to add that I would not totally trust FIL or ex, blood is thicker than water and they have known her a lot longer than you have and their loyalties are different. If PUL have been married a long time and FIL has chosen to not notice the signs the money side may play a big part in things.

Good luck I am sure it will all go well

InaPickle

Well done, Gemma: glad to see the support you are getting, but of course, keep a beady eye on everything!

Loretta, you have had some awful luck with snatches, and it beggars belief that this can happen: it must be more common that we'd like to think.

Keep us informed and best of luck with everything. I'm glad to see it is panning out well for you. x

Abbafan1972

Glad everything is sorted for the time being. I can't believe she had the cheek to send you a timetable! :eek: