Solving Family Rows

InaPickle

[SNIP] Removed now that I know GG has had a chance to read it, just in case, as what I was referring to is still going through the legal system.

(con't) I'm sure that things will not get as bad as what I described for you, but don't for a second think that MIL won't be capable and able of such action: sort those passports out and whatever you do. do not directly reply to any letters/e-mails etc. from her: keep them safe and give them to a solicitor when/if required. Open any new letters etc. in front of a solicitor who can then sign an affidavit if required, and don't send any verbal messages either. If you want to keep FIL in their lives, make him aware that he can't drop hints for MIL or tell tales to her, but that he is welcome as their GF.

Best of luck with it all: just cover your bases first and then she will stand no chance!

Savvy_Sue

Another gob is well and truly smacked here.

How are the girls taking not seeing grandma?

alanalea

Blooming nora GG, I'm another one that was watching with interest. In a way (I know it wasn't the best of timings) I'd be glad that my eyes had been opened sooner rather than later. Given another few years, your ex-mil could have really poisoned your girls minds & caused even more grief.

Congratulations on Josiah (beautiful name btw), wishing you health and happiness for the future x

pulliptears

janb5 wrote: »

I`m sorry but that is such a silly comment. The only side effects you get from the menopause are hot flushes and night sweats...nothing else! And the OP is not a blood relative so cant speak to mil`s GP !:mad:

Firstly, congrats on baby Josiah! A beautiful name, and popular here in The Potteries as it was shared by the great Josiah Wedgwood.

janb, its far from a silly comment. To go slightly OT my mother went through menopause when I was in my early teens. She turned into a raving maniac. She was miserable, snappy and actually violent at times. She would go into my bedrom, throw my clothes etc everywhere and then tell my Father to look at the state of my room. One afternoon she sat in the shed for hours. Reasoning with her was impossible.

Mood swings are incredibly common. I suggest you have a read of this:
http://www.epigee.org/menopause/mood_swings.html

MatyMoo

Gemma, as I have said before I think you are amazing!

I feel so sad for you as I know you always thought MIL was a great support to you and it must make it doubly hard to find out now that all that support was really control over you, your ex and your daughters Bearing in mind how your hormones react in pregnancy and beyond, plus the added trauma of a recent separation, this whole issue must have been doubly difficult for you. As always you have acted brilliantly and you can hold your head up high.

I hope that you and your little family can put all this behind you and be happy.

Please think about the passport thing. Also i was one of those that lost the plot during the menopause & was able to recognise what was happening and seek help. But I have to say, with everything else you have said about MIL's actions over the years, I don't think her recent behaviour is down to the menopause.

GobbledyGook

She won't ever be left alone with my children. In fact at the moment I won't ever willingly allow her contact with them.

It's not the menopause. Her issues/controlling behaviour has only shown up recently, but it's been going on for a long time. From chats with my eldest (although we're trying very hard to keep it casual) she has been saying and doing "odd" things for as long as she can remember.

I've spoken to the passport office and everyone has been informed (school, nursery, GP, riding club etc) about the situation.

FIL is tearing his hair out at the situation. He can't make her see sense and is now feeling incredibly guilty that he just ignored things for a quiet life. He obviously never anticipated ex and I splitting up and the issues that would cause. He has seen the baby and has been told he can see the children (although not in my home) regularly, but never on his own which he understands.

Daughters don't seem fussed by not seeing her. Eldest was missing Grampa - they are very similar and adore each other. She understands (I think) that Granny said and did some bad things so we can't see her just now. I haven't said never because knowing my luck she'll be allowed access. Youngest hasn't mentioned her and doesn't seem phased by it at all. I think Josiah's arrival has taken the attention away from her disappearance from their lives.

Thank you again for all the help and support. I really appreciate it.
Gemma x

Errata

Good to hear the girls aren't too bothered. It's a shame about grandpa's relationship with your eldest but TBH he made his bed and now he's discovering the lumps. Perhaps one of the reasons that MIL has behaved the way she did in the past is because he condoned it by letting her get away with it so he could have a quiet life. Not a good way to run a relationship.
All the best to you and your gang.

Hectors_House

Errata wrote: »

Good to hear the girls aren't too bothered. It's a shame about grandpa's relationship with your eldest but TBH he made his bed and now he's discovering the lumps. Perhaps one of the reasons that MIL has behaved the way she did in the past is because he condoned it by letting her get away with it so he could have a quiet life. Not a good way to run a relationship.
All the best to you and your gang.

Unfortunately my father has done the same over the years - anything for a quiet life (even though he could see my mother's behaviour wasn't quite right).

I had some great help from people on here recently when trying to understand my mother's behaviour and we haven't seen her since. We still see our father which is now quite relaxing because he's not being made to act as some kind of unknowing spy for her.

As the OP is realising, controlling personalities often get away with it for so long when they are matched up with someone who will do anything for a quiet life and it's only when stresses come into the relationships that they show their true colours.

OP, I know this is awful for you to have to deal with along with everything else in your life but it's better that its out in the open and you can see it now - rather then many years later when she's got your girls believing God knows what.

*Louise*

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I did open her letter. It was full of rubbish. It was basically a "this is all the times I've helped you" list full of nonsense. She was trying to play the "see how nice I am".

It then contained a timetable for when I was to have the children, when ex was to have them and when she is to have them. :rotfl:

She's been told by my solicitor and had a visit from the police that any attempt to take, collect or pick up my children without my express permission will be viewed as kidnap - pure and simple. I'm told that she's now going to court for access (having been told there's no chance of residence), but given that she told my eldest that one day her, her sister, Granny and Grampa would all live together abroad it's not very likely she'll get it.

She no longer exists as far as I'm concerned. Even her husband is on the verge of leaving her over the whole saga. Tellingly she hasn't even attempted to see Josiah. FIL has, but she's not asked not attempted too so that has added weight to the concerns about her intentions to the girls and will damage her already pathetically weak case.

Gemma x

I am gobsmacked at her audacity:eek:

I'm with mr cow - I honestly thought you were going to get an apology, or at least some sort of bridge building attempt, but no......she is just blinkered about the whole thing.

It's the timetable that reeally got me...words fail me!! To think that you will even let her near the girls after all of this.....she is off her trolley.

It's goof that you are letting FIL see the children I think that that will also go in your favour if this does go to court.

thorsoak

Way back, before she really turned nasty, I was one of the people advising you to button your lip because "children need grandparents". Well - I take that back!

Your daughters - and your baby son do not need a witch like this - she is obviously very manipulative .... it would be interesting to look over how she advised you and your OH over your OH's infidelity ....did she think then that it was a way to get her granddaughters?

I'm also at one with those who say put the notice into the passport office - you don't want grandma phoning up to say that you've asked her to call because the girls' passports have been lost/stolen at some time in the future.

Congratulations on the birth of Josiah - and may you and your little family thrive without the help of the granny from hell!