I'm heartbroken

diable

Your Mother is meant to love and protect you what a vile thing she did with your BF I'd want to kill them both, sorry not very helpful but be firm and have nothing to do with them both and do speak to your Mum's BF as it's a same someone is being used as a door mat.

Googlewhacker

viktory wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek:

She shagged her boyfriend!!!! It really doesn't get much worse than that! Don't bear a grudge!!! Oh I so would. That is totally and utterly unforgivable, this woman has children that are going to be devastated - her own grandchildren!! How could she?

Maybe it is just me, I just think that if something like that happened to me I would be devestated but I would like to think that over time I would remember the good things that that person had done throughout my life and outweigh this indiscretion.

ailuro2

OP, I hope you're feeling a bit better today, and maybe a bit less surreal.

Googlewhacker, are you the OP's Mum or something, encouraging her to make friends again with someone who slept with her partner of 8 years and the father of her kids.

Also forgiving the partner of her kids is going to be very difficult - he thought so much of his little family he decided to keep it in the family and have sex with his kids' Granny!!:eek:

OP, do you know how long it has been going on for? IF it was a drink fuelled one-off it might be easier to get over than a long standing affair where partner and mother were having it away every time you went to work.

what was your partner doing while you were looking after two young kids and working full time? If he was helping out and doing a fair share round the house then fair enough, but if he expected to let you do it all he can't really complain when you've no time or energy left for him, can he?

best Wishes, hope you've got someone in real life who will give you a proper hug.:)




p.s. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2551873 you're sooo not alone in not liking your mother.

Errata

Googlewhacker wrote: »

Maybe it is just me, I just think that if something like that happened to me I would be devestated but I would like to think that over time I would remember the good things that that person had done throughout my life and outweigh this indiscretion.

You certainly have a way with words. I wouldn't have considered someone having sex with their MIL/SIL in the marital bed indiscreet :eek:

xmaslolly76

Googlewhacker wrote: »

Maybe it is just me, I just think that if something like that happened to me I would be devestated but I would like to think that over time I would remember the good things that that person had done throughout my life and outweigh this indiscretion.

Maybe she will be able to forgive but she will never forget and their relasionship will never be the same again. I personally would never be able to forget it and treat it like a little indiscretion. Your mother is the one person you are meant to able to trust no matter what the one person you can turn to with anything. She has taken that trust and destroyed it, torn a family apart and more than likely destroyed her own relationship as well and for what at best can be described as an idiotic drunken mistake. Alarm bells should have rung well before they ended up in bed together she should have had the sence to walk away and remove herself from the situation she would have known the heart ache and distress she would cause no matter how drunk she was it was a purely selfish act she has commited.

daska

(((HUGS)))) What a mess!

Revenge, as they say, is a dish best served cold - not that I'm advocating revenge but the reason for this is that you need to wait till all the emotions have cooled, do what needs to be done and remain calm while they run around like headless chickens if they don't like it. It puts them on the receiving end rather than being the instigators which is where they are at the moment.

Two things to bear in mind though:

How is your mum's BF going to react if he isn't told the truth now? What will you tell him if not the truth? He's not going to 'not notice' that you and your mum aren't on speaking terms. Even if you come up with an explanation what happens if the truth comes out later?

And the children have a right to a relationship with their father. Even if you feel murderous every time he comes in sight you have to be on the side of the angels where they're concerned.

It will all work out for you, but it will take time.

Mutter_2

Minniemavis wrote: »

"I'm just in so much shock. My mum was like my best friend. I always turned to her when things was hard! "


Don't know how to quote passages but to say your mother, yes mother rather than mum, "Was like my best friend"?

No, you have a mother or mum, not a friend. You have friends eleswhere, your mother/mum is not one of them. She should have pointed this out many moons ago as I did to my daughter and I'm sure many others here did too. Mums and friends are not the same.

Sorry this happened, but you may wish to blame your mother twice over.

One: on not explaining the divide between mother and friend. A line not to be crossed.

Second: for stepping over that divide when she was the adult.

Angel1978_2

How awful. Not only are you hurt by your long term partner but by your mother too. I can't even think about it. It's too horrible to think about and a double sworded whammy.

Hugs to you hun. I don't have any advice. I just hope that something works out for you. They say time is a healer but in this case it may just hurt more. You've just lost two people who should have loved and protected you always. Big hugs to you.

Minniemavis

Thanks for your reply Mutter, with all due respect everyone is different maybe your children don't call you a friend but I always did regardless! I still treated her as my mother and gave her all respect that you should.

I in no way would think that my mum of all people would do this friend or not. I would never tell people she was my friend but I would say it was my mum if that makes sense?!

I would also like to add that I am also an adult?!!

Ailuro2- Thanks for your reply. I am feeling a little better today just trying to get back to normality if that makes sense?!
As I haven't had much contact with either for answers (as I don't yet feel ready for them) I'm not really sure how long it had been going on!!

Thanks to everyone for their kind words xxx

peachyprice

Mutter wrote: »

[
No, you have a mother or mum, not a friend. You have friends eleswhere, your mother/mum is not one of them. She should have pointed this out many moons ago as I did to my daughter and I'm sure many others here did too. Mums and friends are not the same.

Sorry this happened, but you may wish to blame your mother twice over.

One: on not explaining the divide between mother and friend. A line not to be crossed.

Second: for stepping over that divide when she was the adult.

What complete twaddle.