If its not one thing its your Mother...

readytoscream

(long time poster but Im hiding my ID)

Im at the end of my rope. My mother, 73 is the most selfish, nasty, rude,horrible woman in the world and at this moment in time I don't feel like I want her in my life.

My father died 2 1/2 years ago and she is on her own, fair enough I made allowances for that. I'm an only child and live close enough to be there when she needs me, but now she is taking the pi$$.

I have a family of my own and sometimes I can't come when she calls, so when that happens she invents problems. The phones aren't working properly (they are of course, and we both know they are. I call she answers and doesnt speak. This is when she later claims they dont work. However, I knew she could hear me so I finally lost my rag and called her a bloody attention seeking liar down the "broken" phone. The problem resolved after that), the fuse has tripped, something is broke etc etc Frankly its draining me.

Her latest bit of pure selfishness is what tipped me over the edge. Both myself and OH have been quite ill for almost a week. What started as a sickness bug has progressed into a flu bug and we are both at home ill. Both of us have felt terrible and Mum knows this.

Despite knowing how ill I am she made a dental appointment that is half an hour before a doctors appointment, then called me and asked me to take her to both. When I pointed out I was actually really ill as she knew and that my balance was off with the headcold etc I was told "Well, you wont have to get out of the car". I told her that really wasn't the point and she knew I was ill when she booked all this. She put the phone down on me.
I wouldn't mind but its a straight road between the dentist and Dr's with a bus every 20 minutes.

I didn't back down, in fact I was far too annoyed at how selfish she had been so when I called her tonight I was stunned when she spent a good five minutes moaning about how she had to rush between appointments and despite the fact I could barely speak never even asked if me and OH are feeling better. She then said "anyway I'm going" and put the phone down.

I really do not need this any more. I don't want such a nasty, selfish old woman in my life. I know I'm annoyed at the moment and given a day or two I'll calm down, but this kind of thing happens again and again.

Only last weekend at a family BBQ she took great delight in telling my very average sized MIL she was fat!

I've gotten to the point where OH and I are looking at moving away so we don't have to deal with her anymore. I suppose that makes me just as selfish, but I really do fear for my mental health if I have to deal with this much longer.

Rant over.

zarazara

Well, me and my OH did just that. We moved ,over 4 hours drive away from where she lived. Peace at last after 16 years of hell.

baywood_2

Absolutely not, at this present moment i can't stand my mother,she is 64, i am 41, very long story but after years of favouritism towards my sister she finally (IMO) went too far (again too long a story) so i am going to remove her from my life as it is too short to have people in it who abuse your good nature and cause you grief. Good luck with your own personal battle, i have been having mine for years.

xmaslolly76

Wrong no, Sad that the woman has forced you into a corner where you feel like you cant stand her anymore Very. You need to look after you and your little family if she cant accept that then the ties have to be cut for your own sanity. I hope You can sort yourself out maybe after a while of fending for herself she might realise what a good daughter she has and start treating you as a blessing instead of a dogs body :-) x

ailuro2

Is it wrong to dislike you rmother?

If she's awful, then sorry, but no it's not wrong at all. We only have one life to live and if we are expected to spend it doing what someone else expects then we are not doing what's right for ourselves.

Some people will think that is selfish, but then there are lots of lucky people who have wonderful mothers who put their kids first and love them unconditionally rather than seeing them as unpaid helpers.;)

fwiw I've not spoken to my mother for years, and while I do feel sad it is so much better than going through all the '****' when I did talk to her.

If she was a friend would you put up with half of it? Just because she's family doesn't mean she can take the P out of you, and you need to tell her that. Tell her when you will be available to be at her beck and call, give her times and dates, and don't pick up the phone outwith those times without call screening first.;)

Best Wishes.:)

bylromarha

Not at all wrong.

I can honestly say I love my mother, but don't like her one bit. She is hard work, selfish, childish and rude. I chose to move 170 miles away from her. I only really visit every few months as my sister and her family live in the same town and I can't go all that way and not pop in for an hour - no more than 2.

My sister and my mum are no longer talking as mum has been horrid too many times and sister has decided that she doesn't need the aggro. Mum has slammed the phone down on me more than once when she's phoned me, "the voice of reason", to tell me yet another thing my sister has done.After listening to the problem I see more than reasonable behaviour from my sister and childishness from mum - so I tell mum my thoughts and the phone gets slammed down- I refuse to "there there" her when the problem is completely of her own making.

I appreciate she had a hard job raising sis and I, dad died when I was 3, sis 9. But now I'm an adult and parent I am shocked by the things she did and allowed to happen - but on analysis many of the things that went on all stemmed from her selfishness. Which makes it even harder to like her.

OP - can you talk to your mum about how she's behaving? Or will it fall on deaf ears? And leave it be for a week or so until you're over the flu...feeling run down is not the best position to deal with biggies like this.

All the best and get well soon.

misgrace

Its not wrong to dislike your mother, if she has given you reasons to dislike her, and she has.
I too disliked my mother, infact I hated her, as I suffered years of abuse from her, all her children as soon as they were of an age left her, but I was like you I lived locally, and she never left me alone.
I had to pyshce myself up to go and see her, and I would come back in such a bad mood, my kids couldnt stand her either, she was a horrible person.
She passed away at the very young age of 64 a bitter and twisted woman, no one went to her funeral except me of course, and I dragged a couple of friends with me.
I started crying in the church, my friend who is very blunt lol, asked why I was crying as I didnt like her, I looked at her and replied, 'I am crying for what should have been, I should have had a mother, who was a mother, and we could have had something special', my friend knew what I meant.

I sometimes wonder about some of the elderly that are in homes, or are on thier own, and even though I do a little bit for age concern, I sometimes think why have they no family member visiting?, is it because they were such barstewards to thier kids, like my mother, that thier kids have just washed thier hands of them, sounds awful what I am saying but it does make you wonder.

The phonecalls, the whining, the world owes her a living that drove me mad, my friends would ask why I dont stay away, and the only answer I can give, and this is my honest answer, is that the way I was brought up, or dragged up, beaten to an inch of my life, locked up, and loads of other things, that I should have been on the road to rack and ruin, but I could not ignore her, or tell her to go to hell, and I had every reason too, but I couldnt have it on my concience, or sleep at night, I didnt want to turn into a clone of her, I was better than that, plus I wanted to set an example to my kids, that someone has to break the cycle of drink and violence within a family, but I knew god or fate had a plan somewhere along the line.

Its hard I know, it drives you insane, and you take it out on the rest of the family, but it depends on your actual feelings, but my opinion for what its worth, you are not a horrible person, or selfish, you are just worn out with it all.

Blackpool_Saver

has she got any mental problems? has she got friends/social worker/ helper?

Blackpool_Saver

misgrace wrote: »

'I am crying for what should have been, I should have had a mother, who was a mother, and we could have had something special',

I can so relate to that, and my father is still alive and unable to see me as his wife won't have it.

creased-leach

Rose West had kids. Would it be wrong for them to dislike her?

mummyslittleboy

readytoscream Big ((((hugs)))) coming your way sounds like you need them, Have you got a phone with caller display?? If so when you know it is your mum ignore it,give yourself some breathing space.

It seems that your mum has very little else to do but hassle you every 5 minutes, are there any senior citizen lunch clubs or anything you could get her to get involved with?? I would suggest speaking to her Social worker if she has one if not maybe she would benefit from one even if its just to point you in the direction of various clubs that she could maybe get involved in.Maybe get her the telephone number for her local care and repair team and next time something is broken she can ring them.

I wish I knew what else to suggest she is lucky she has her daughter living so close but that doesnt mean she can say jump every 2 minutes and expect you to do it.

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

I can so relate to that, and my father is still alive and unable to see me as his wife won't have it.

My fathers wife doesn't know me and my children exsist when I found that out I stopped seeing him as I just couldn't handle it.

misgrace You ought to be very proud of yourself for the person you have become against all odds you haven't become a clone of your mum and you have broken a cycle of drink and violence and shown your children the right things to do in life. I am sure they are very proud of you:D