If its not one thing its your Mother...

readytoscream

Ill answer your points:

euronorris wrote: »

I have to agree.

OP, from what you wrote it sounds like your mother is desparately lonely and inventing excuses to see you. Do you visit her often outside of these 'issues'? If not, she may feel it's the only way she can spend time with you. And if that is how she feels, then she's probably also angry about it. She spent X amount of years bringing you up, putting up with toddler tantrums, teenage tantrums, broken hearts etc etc and now she wants a little of that in return.

She is visited EVERY DAY either by myself or one of my 2 Children. My DD goes there every day for lunch from school, and Im there at least every other day.

As for the comment towards your mother in law, that could be jealously. Do you get on well with your MIL? Or spend more time with her?

I see my MIL a lot less as my time is taken up with my Mother. We are lucky to get down there once a week.

What does your Mum do to occupy her day? Does she keep busy? Does she have friends? If not, perhaps you could encourage her to join some local groups and offer to take her each week, or offer to spend an evening or two with her each week. You may find that things improve after this.

She is always pottering, she gardens, walks her dog, goes into town. She is busy usually. Ive encouraged her to join groups, she refuses to go. As I said before she wont go to the local residents association because she feels they are 'dirty people' despite the fact she knows most of them.

My Grandma was much the same, and paranoid with it, so it got worse over time, despit ethe fact that she was living with my parents for the last 4-5 years of her life. My Mum was there most of the time, taking her out etc etc, but she would panic whenever she was left alone for a few hours. But it was all born out of loneliness and a little bit to do with generation differences.

She is far from lonely. As I said there is always someone in and out of the house, stopping for a chat etc.

It drove us all crazy, especially my Mum, but my God we miss her now, and we'd put up with it all over again if it meant we could see and talk to her some more!

Hope that answers your questions.

readytoscream

euronorris wrote: »

Just saw your update.

If these are recent changes in her personality, then something is going on. Whether that is something she is just angry about, but hasn't talked about yet, or if it is just old age, or possibly dementia setting in.

Is dementia possible? Your Grandma was also like this you said. Might be worth getting checked out.

They aren't recent per se, her tolerance level has just degenerated over the last 5 years or so. Gran was 100% herself when she died at 90, she was just cantankerous. Dementia is not even a possibility.

cherub1965

sounds like my grandmother.i used to loads for her as she lived 2 mins walk away but then it got to the point my life wasnt my own,last straw was a call at 4am to say she had 'the squits' and did i have any medecine.i was divorced at the time with a 7 yr old son and had just had an op!told her i didnt and left phone off hook.she then rang my dad and said she was worried she couldnt get hold of me,he came racing down to mine,10 miles drive.she was determined to get attention.i found out all she was doing was pulling me down to people,never spoke to or saw her again.that was 12 yrs ago.2 years ago she had to go into a nursing home and made everyones life a misery.in the end the phone was taken off her because instead of ringing for staff she was ringing my mum and dads house early hours constantly.dad is 71 and not in good health.she had 8 kids,my dad the eldest and every one of them had turned their backs on her for various nasty things over the years.she died last year alone.she had 8 kids and 25 grandkids,too many great grandchildren to count.alienated them all over the years with her nasty spiteful ways.

margaretclare

I sometimes wonder about some of the elderly that are in homes, or are on thier own, and even though I do a little bit for age concern, I sometimes think why have they no family member visiting?, is it because they were such barstewards to thier kids, like my mother, that thier kids have just washed thier hands of them, sounds awful what I am saying but it does make you wonder.

When I was a district nurse in the 1970s I remember discussing this very point with a very experienced, mature (i.e. close to retiring!) GP. It was not something I had ever thought of before.

Of course, some will have genuinely outlived their family members, but one wonders why they haven't made any friends in the intervening years?

Turning this conversation around, I have one surviving daughter, but she might easily describe me in the terms the OP and others have described their mothers. Although I must deny most strongly ever phoning and making those kind of demands - 'take me to an appointment when you're ill' etc etc! I live a long way away. However, I did something she can't forgive, and in April 2008 she told me 'get out of my life'.

Admittedly it was foolish, ill-considered, I should never have done it. But it was hardly life-shattering, she didn't even give me a chance to apologise (which I'd willingly do) and if she has a list of things I've done over the years that she 'can't forgive' (?) then I could draw up an equally-long list going back years. The runaway marriage - I've never seen anyone, man or woman, cry as her Dad cried when we were told the following day. The things she did, not only to me but to others who are now no longer with us - her sister who was cheated out of money she was promised for the deposit on her house...the time DH and I drove 250 miles after she fell over and fractured her femur then we couldn't see her because 'her husband was the only person she wanted to see'. You name it...

However, I would really dislike being the kind of person the OP describes in post #1. It isn't necessary to be like that. I have known many older people who lived full lives - even within limitations - who had lots of friends and many interests. I have no answers!

jamespir

your mother could be Have an early onslaught of alzheimers by the looks of things shes lonely and just needs somone to be there for her

readytoscream

jamespir wrote: »

your mother could be Have an early onslaught of alzheimers by the looks of things shes lonely and just needs somone to be there for her

James, as I said Im a long term poster, which means I know you all too well.

Please go back and RE READ. As has been explained a few times she is NOT lonely, nor does she have the early ONSET of Altzheimers.

I really wish that just for once on these forums you would actually read what you are replying to rather than just diving in spouting complete and utter nonsense.

margaretclare

jamespir wrote: »

your mother could be Have an early onslaught of alzheimers by the looks of things she's lonely and just needs someone to be there for her

The OP answered this in detail in her post #21 at 09.21 am. In view of her response, I don't see how her mother can possibly be 'lonely'.

What's 'lonely' anyway? Does it imply having others dancing attendance on you 24/7? I would say 'lonely' was those folk (and there are some) who see no one else day in day out except the meals-on-wheels delivery or the district nurse's weekly visit.

Some people seem to have a strange distorted idea of what they are 'owed'. As in 'I brought up a daughter, gave the best years of my life etc etc, now she OWES me, I need to be taken to a hospital/dental/GP appointment and I need her to do it at my convenience, not at hers because I am OWED'.

Could this be the explanation, OP?

euronorris

margaretclare wrote: »

Some people seem to have a strange distorted idea of what they are 'owed'. As in 'I brought up a daughter, gave the best years of my life etc etc, now she OWES me, I need to be taken to a hospital/dental/GP appointment and I need her to do it at my convenience, not at hers because I am OWED'.

Could this be the explanation, OP?

I think it's possible. I mean, presumably, she did all those things for her daughter for years, probably even when she was ill as that's what parents do.

She most likely also put up with a lot of annoying habits, temper tantrums etc over the years too.

Sooo...she may feel it's her daughter's responsibility to return the favour, rightly or wrongly.

OP, is it possible to talk to your mother about all this? Set some ground rules? ie, We're happy to help you out by taking you to doctor's appointments, but we need advance notice. Or, we love spending time with you, but we also have a family of our own now and so we need to find the right balance.

Any

closed wrote: »

Ever been lonely, old, maybe confused?

She looked after you as a child when she probably didn't feel up to it, now it's your turn.

The examples quoted are hardly the end of the world, she's your mum, if you don't want to or can't go around, say no, or explain why.

hudilin wrote: »

We all have complains about our mom,i do not like my mother too sometimes,especial she keeps garring without any stops!But whatever,she is still my mom!
Suffer it!

Why would one has to suffer when it is not necessary?
I think any human being can differentiate between just being occasionaly "moody" or ill or whatever and when it is OTT on regular basis and purposely.

I don't get why one would have to be treated like a c**p and take it.

There are limits before you break a person.

patchwork_cat

I think that you have posted about your mum on your alt? If so I think the consensus was is she showing signs of alzheimer's? I am sorry if I am confusing you with another poster, but I seem to remember a likeness to Blanche (corrie) being mentioned.

I have read that you say she doesn't have Alzheimer's I am assuming you looked into this after the last post.(again apologies if you haven't posted about this before)

Just been reading up about early alzheimer's to see if attention seeking etc is a symptom - don't think it is, but I am concerned now as I have trouble counting back from 75 in 7's oh dear!