If its not one thing its your Mother...

threemuttleys

jamespir wrote: »

screw you then !!!!!

was that absolutely necessary????

Person_one

closed wrote: »

Ever been lonely, old, maybe confused?

She looked after you as a child when she probably didn't feel up to it, now it's your turn.

The examples quoted are hardly the end of the world, she's your mum, if you don't want to or can't go around, say no, or explain why.

Children don't ask to exist. Parents owe it to their children to keep them safe, healthy and to try their best to raise them well, children don't owe their parents anything in return for this.

I both love and like my parents, if they need my help as they get older I will offer it, but if they treated me badly I wouldn't feel any obligation just because they donated DNA.

Most women are capable of being mothers, and contrary to popular culture, it doesn't make them all saints.

EmptyPockets

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

I can so relate to that, and my father is still alive and unable to see me as his wife won't have it.

You're not on your own there, me too I'm afraid.

patchwork_cat

I have searched to see if I can find the thread I am referring to and I think I may be mistaken there ws one in 2008 similar. So if this isn't you you are not alone and it looks like this might be a not so unusual a problem.

readytoscream

patchwork_cat wrote: »

I think that you have posted about your mum on your alt? If so I think the consensus was is she showing signs of alzheimer's? I am sorry if I am confusing you with another poster, but I seem to remember a likeness to Blanche (corrie) being mentioned.

I have read that you say she doesn't have Alzheimer's I am assuming you looked into this after the last post.(again apologies if you haven't posted about this before)

Just been reading up about early alzheimer's to see if attention seeking etc is a symptom - don't think it is, but I am concerned now as I have trouble counting back from 75 in 7's oh dear!

patchwork_cat wrote: »

I have searched to see if I can find the thread I am referring to and I think I may be mistaken there ws one in 2008 similar. So if this isn't you you are not alone and it looks like this might be a not so unusual a problem.

Nope not me I try not to mention her much because its draining in real life so I don't try and bring it into my online persona. Its the only bit of peace I get LMAO

My late Nana (Dad's Mum) had Altzheimers so I know the symptoms from the onset, I can categorically state she really doesn't have it. In fact, she's about as fit and healthy as anyone can be at her age. She gets out, see's the doctor rarely and aside from a small issue with her hearing (she had a phase on the fact she couldnt hear, went through the rigmarole of us all running here there and everywhere to get her a hearing aid and now wont wear it because she can hear noises...) she is 100% fit and well.

I have spoken to her briefly this morning and she finally asked how I was feeling as I croaked down the phone to her. I told her I wouldnt be over today because I didn't want to pass on the germs and today she was fine with that. Probably because her sister is taking her out this afternoon to visit another relative (she complained about that too I add and said she didn't want to go!!)

We did have a chat a few months ago after 2 weeks of constant phone calls and summoning after she had a bee in her bonnet over the burglar alarm (which was functioning perfectly I add, but she claimed it was making a noise it was impossible to make). I'm ashamed to say I finally lost my temper and told her it had to stop, the lies etc were too much and I couldnt be there 24 hours a day. I told her I had my own family to deal with.

The problem I will find I suppose is I have been in education for 4 years, during which time I have always been able to fit her in around my studies. After the summer I'll be job hunting and feel that my commitments to Mum will mean I'm going to have to look for part time work rather than full time. This will still prevent problems and cause sulks I imagine.

My other problem is despite being fit herself her SIL had a fall recently and broke her hip. SIL had one of those 'call systems' so managed to summon help immediately. Now Mum thinks its a good idea for her to have one, and in principal I agree. I do worry though that the next time she has a strop on over whatever she will be pressing the button to have me summoned over there, only to claim its either malfunctioning or she must have hit it by accident.

Some days I really just dont know what to do for the best.:(

Dont take this the wrong way ladies, but it is good to know Im not alone.

patchwork_cat

Oh well, now, I am worried about my senility state I can't find the thread I am starting to wonder if I imagined it, I forget words for things too and am forever losing things....(wanders off worrying, oh god senile at 43 as if I didn't have enough to worry about...)

gottodothis_2

readytoscream wrote: »

(long time poster but Im hiding my ID)

Im at the end of my rope. My mother, 73 is the most selfish, nasty, rude,horrible woman in the world and at this moment in time I don't feel like I want her in my life.


Are we related?? You are describing the woman that gave birth to me!:eek:

Mojisola

readytoscream wrote: »

We did have a chat a few months ago after 2 weeks of constant phone calls and summoning after she had a bee in her bonnet over the burglar alarm (which was functioning perfectly I add, but she claimed it was making a noise it was impossible to make). I'm ashamed to say I finally lost my temper and told her it had to stop, the lies etc were too much and I couldnt be there 24 hours a day. I told her I had my own family to deal with.

The problem I will find I suppose is I have been in education for 4 years, during which time I have always been able to fit her in around my studies. After the summer I'll be job hunting and feel that my commitments to Mum will mean I'm going to have to look for part time work rather than full time. This will still prevent problems and cause sulks I imagine.

Some days I really just dont know what to do for the best.:(

I wouldn't be ashamed of losing my temper in this situation! Your mother is behaving like a selfish teenager. Just as you wouldn't be doing a child any good in letting behaviour like this go on, you aren't doing her any favours either. She isn't doing anything for herself, like joining groups, just demanding attention from you all the time.

Someone who is fit and active at 73 doesn't need a relative running around for them every day. I've got relatives older than that who have such an active life that we have to arrange visits well in advance because they're never in!

I think you will have to set some definite boundaries in the run-up to getting work. It would be very unfair on you to miss out on a good full-time job that you've trained for because you've got a 73 year stroppy teenager to run around after!

Learn to say no and don't feel guilty about it.

euronorris

readytoscream wrote: »

Nope not me I try not to mention her much because its draining in real life so I don't try and bring it into my online persona. Its the only bit of peace I get LMAO

My late Nana (Dad's Mum) had Altzheimers so I know the symptoms from the onset, I can categorically state she really doesn't have it. In fact, she's about as fit and healthy as anyone can be at her age. She gets out, see's the doctor rarely and aside from a small issue with her hearing (she had a phase on the fact she couldnt hear, went through the rigmarole of us all running here there and everywhere to get her a hearing aid and now wont wear it because she can hear noises...) she is 100% fit and well.

I have spoken to her briefly this morning and she finally asked how I was feeling as I croaked down the phone to her. I told her I wouldnt be over today because I didn't want to pass on the germs and today she was fine with that. Probably because her sister is taking her out this afternoon to visit another relative (she complained about that too I add and said she didn't want to go!!)

We did have a chat a few months ago after 2 weeks of constant phone calls and summoning after she had a bee in her bonnet over the burglar alarm (which was functioning perfectly I add, but she claimed it was making a noise it was impossible to make). I'm ashamed to say I finally lost my temper and told her it had to stop, the lies etc were too much and I couldnt be there 24 hours a day. I told her I had my own family to deal with.

The problem I will find I suppose is I have been in education for 4 years, during which time I have always been able to fit her in around my studies. After the summer I'll be job hunting and feel that my commitments to Mum will mean I'm going to have to look for part time work rather than full time. This will still prevent problems and cause sulks I imagine.

My other problem is despite being fit herself her SIL had a fall recently and broke her hip. SIL had one of those 'call systems' so managed to summon help immediately. Now Mum thinks its a good idea for her to have one, and in principal I agree. I do worry though that the next time she has a strop on over whatever she will be pressing the button to have me summoned over there, only to claim its either malfunctioning or she must have hit it by accident.

Some days I really just dont know what to do for the best.:(

Dont take this the wrong way ladies, but it is good to know Im not alone.

My Grandma was very similar to your Mum. She would quite often complain that so and so never visited, or called etc, but then, if they tried to visit she would refuse (quite often locking herself in the room when visitors were over - even if it was her own family), and if they called she would complain about the inconvenience of it all!

She was dreadfully paranoid and assumed that everyone was just out to get whatever they could from her. After years of paranoid comments aimed at my mother also, my mother has now become very paranoid herself. God, I wish she'd get off FB - if a message she posted doesn't show up cos FB is playing silly beggars, she assumes that person removed it and doesn't like her anymore! And I've tried to explain it's just FB playing up, but she won't believe it, even when the message reappears a few hours later. She then believes the other person reinstated the comment somehow. The fact that isn't possible doesn't seem to get through.

I'm sorry, I don't have any answers. We tried so many different things with her and they made very little difference.

In the end, we put it down to her own experiences in life which were pretty awful to be honest. She had been treated badly in the past by other family members, for years, and so expected everyone else to be the same and lashed out at us instead. And my uncle was golden boy, even though he only ever called about once every 2-3 months (after my Mum had asked him to). Even when he was living in the same town as her (before she moved in with my Mum) and we were 400 miles away, my Mum still visited more often than my uncle! And his children could do no wrong, but we were all awful, ungrateful, never be succesful etc etc. The opposite is actually the truth.

bylromarha

Bananabelly wrote: »

It is amazing how much we want our parent's approval, even if they are horrible to us and we don't like them very much. It is very much ingrained in just about everyone to want to please their parents, and that is what you're doing - and she is taking advantage of it by manipulating you and demanding your attention, then never approving of your actions and trying to force you to work ever harder to gain her approval. You might think you don't, but you do - this stuff wouldn't get to you if you didn't want her approval.

The thing is, we don't need their approval and a person can live very happily without it - once I realised this it was such a weight off my shoulders. I still find myself starting to play those games sometimes, and when I realise it I step back, think about what's happening and realise I don't care if she disapproves of me. It makes no difference to my life and doesn't make me a bad person (like I used to think it did!). It is a magical feeling.

Sad but true.

I was the favoured child so I never have had to experience some of the horridness my mother displays to my sister.

Sister, with help of counselling, has realised that she's always been trying to win mum's approval and that she will never get it, so stop trying. Harsh thing to have to accept, but so proud of sis for realising it and reasoning every problem my mum causes in the light of this revelation.