I'm heartbroken

pinkpig08

I would not even give them the grace to have a 'chat'. What they've done to you is despicable - they should be begging for your forgiveness, not calling round for a chat.

The difference for your mothers BF is that she hasn't cheated with someone else he loved. It's easier for him to stick by her. It was, however, your OH and you who was hurt the most. I agree with JoJo - if it were me the chat wouldn't last very long.

Minniemavis

Morning all! Thanks for your replies. I think they are coming to discuss what we are doing about the kids!! If they get out alive that is :-) (just kidding) I will let you all know what was said etc etc later on.
Thanks again to you all xxx

Odette

Good luck! I hope you reach the best decision you can

EmptyPockets

Good luck Minnie I hope it all goes the way YOU want it to go. How you have not already committed murder I don't know. If I ever found myself in your situation, they'd have both found themselves out on the pavement on their !!!!!! with red faces. It has to be the worst betrayal anyone could ever face, and I wish YOU all the luck and happiness for your future. I wouldn't ever give either of them the time of day ever again, but you have to do what you feel is right for you and the children... Stay strong and let us know how you are x♥x

shellsuit

If this is all true (only because I read an identical story in a cheap mag last week), I wouldn't have anything to do with Mum again.

Ever. Because she would be dead in my eyes.

And as for the OH, well he'd be turfed out on his !!!!! never to be seen again.

If they wanted to see the children, then we'd do it through court.

They should have thought about the kids before they were vile and disgusting.

I wouldn't be able to look either of them in the face again.

That's assuming i hadn't put them 6' under.


Oh and I wouldn't even waste my time having a chat with them either ~ they could go to hell.

Zazen999

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Assuming she has told him the truth, of course, I would possibly make a start by saying

1. Get the %*$( out of my house.
2. Don't ever darken my %*$(ing door again.
3. If you ever cross the road whilst I am driving down it, you had probably better get out of the road pretty sharpish.
4. Oh, and my ex tells me (to the OH) that they've been having an affair for the last 2 years and your wages pay for their sex toys and the video camera they use to make the DVDs that they sell to your workmates.
5. In case you have forgotten what I said first, get the %*$( out of my house.

Ditto....well said :T

Lyger

Minniemavis wrote: »

Morning all! Thanks for your replies. I think they are coming to discuss what we are doing about the kids!! If they get out alive that is :-) (just kidding) I will let you all know what was said etc etc later on.
Thanks again to you all xxx

I'm so sorry for what you are going through - I can only imagine how awful you must be feeling about the whole sorry mess at the moment.

I do have to ask though - why is your mother coming to chat to you about your kids? Surely anything custody related should be between you and your OH? Given that you're going to meet with them (though personally, I think that meeting with them now is a bad idea) I'd strongly advise as this point - especially if they turn up together - to speak to them one at a time only, and only if you are up to speaking to them so soon after the event. Your mother may be your childrens grandmother - but even if your mother had not betrayed you, she'd have no say in anything about your children. She is not their guardian.

Maybe I've just been around manipulative people too long, but I can envisage this meeting with your mother and OH becoming an exercise in them managing to turn the whole thing around so they somehow come out smelling of roses, and convincing you that you are over-reacting by daring to be hurt by their betrayal. You're understandably feeling very hurt and betrayed, and very likely in a vulnerable emotional state at the moment, and I worry that they will use this opportunity to displace their guilt upon you and basically bully you into accepting blame - which won't help you.

I do hope that this meeting goes well for you, but please guard yourself from any manipulations at this point. These people have betrayed you (and by extension, your children, I may add) - and they most certainly do not have your best interests at heart.

Take care of yourself, and have some digital {{hugs}}.

Kay_Peel

You have not asked them to come around, it was their decision. They have decided that it is the best way to move forward. They have already taken control of the situation. They have also placed you in a weak position.

Personally, I would want to call the shots.

I would cancel the visit immediately, saying that I wasn't ready for what was about to happen. They will have to wait because I would say when I was ready for this meeting and I would tell them how, when and where the meeting would take place. Not them. They can stew for a bit longer.

You do not need to make decisions about the children immediately, do you? You can take as long as you want and need. The more time that you give yourself the better your decisions will be.

Look after yourself, won't you?

joyfull

Lyger wrote: »

I'm so sorry for what you are going through - I can only imagine how awful you must be feeling about the whole sorry mess at the moment.

I do have to ask though - why is your mother coming to chat to you about your kids? Surely anything custody related should be between you and your OH? Given that you're going to meet with them (though personally, I think that meeting with them now is a bad idea) I'd strongly advise as this point - especially if they turn up together - to speak to them one at a time only, and only if you are up to speaking to them so soon after the event. Your mother may be your childrens grandmother - but even if your mother had not betrayed you, she'd have no say in anything about your children. She is not their guardian.

Maybe I've just been around manipulative people too long, but I can envisage this meeting with your mother and OH becoming an exercise in them managing to turn the whole thing around so they somehow come out smelling of roses, and convincing you that you are over-reacting by daring to be hurt by their betrayal. You're understandably feeling very hurt and betrayed, and very likely in a vulnerable emotional state at the moment, and I worry that they will use this opportunity to displace their guilt upon you and basically bully you into accepting blame - which won't help you.

I do hope that this meeting goes well for you, but please guard yourself from any manipulations at this point. These people have betrayed you (and by extension, your children, I may add) - and they most certainly do not have your best interests at heart.

Take care of yourself, and have some digital {{hugs}}.

I think this post gives very good advice. They are almost certainly looking to relieve themselves of the terrible guilt they feel. Please keep them at arm's length at least. I've read this thread with horror at the situation you find yourself in. I really wish you well. Take time to really listen to your heart and intuition over the next few weeks and months.

XXX

Minniemavis

Hiya all, not much news really I decided to cancel and told them I will be in touch if and when I am ready!! Part of me wishes I had of let them come round to see what they had to say for themselves but I just don't feel ready.
Thanks again all xxx