I'm heartbroken

ailuro2

Minniemavis wrote: »

Hiya all, not much news really I decided to cancel and told them I will be in touch if and when I am ready!! Part of me wishes I had of let them come round to see what they had to say for themselves but I just don't feel ready.
Thanks again all xxx

Good for you!

show them they are not in charge here, you are the one who will call the shots for now, thank you very much!

I would advise phoning family members you trust to organise help with childcare you might need, get them onside now before your mother and ex spin them any stories.:(

EmptyPockets

Well done Minnie, nice to hear you being strong and taking back control. They have absolutely no right to call any of the shots in your life anymore, they get to see you/speak to you IF and WHEN you say so.

:T

mogadon

Minniemavis wrote: »

Hiya all, not much news really I decided to cancel and told them I will be in touch if and when I am ready!! Part of me wishes I had of let them come round to see what they had to say for themselves but I just don't feel ready.
Thanks again all xxx

Good for you, sometimes it's harder to stand up for yourself and say No than to just give in and be pushed along with the flow, but your mother has no right at all to try and call the shots here. I don't suppose that makes you feel very much better, but I hope you feel at least a little more in control.

poet123

peachyprice wrote: »

What complete twaddle.

To go a bit OT but I can see where Mutter is coming from here. The relationship between a mother and daughter is (should be) sacrosanct, and one where this type of thing just wouldn't happen.

If you think of your child as your friend first rather than as your child, the lines may become blurred, and as we know, it is far more common for "best friends" to jump into bed with a friends partner than it is for a mother to do so.

It may or may not be applicable in this case, but it is something to consider. Similarly, a mother may pretend to be a friend rather than a mother to try to hang onto her youth, and there are lots of them out there, you see them in pubs and clubs with their daughters, dressed too young and trying too hard. This mindset can lead to them becoming rivals, and for the mother to set out to prove she is just as attractive as the daughter, with all kinds of consequences.

I have seen this first hand with a friend and her mum. She had been a young mum, and when my friend started to go out, mum tagged along, and many times jumped in a bagged a man my friend fancied. It became very embarrassing, and in the end my friend moved away for that reason.

consultant31

Mutter wrote: »

No, you have a mother or mum, not a friend. You have friends eleswhere, your mother/mum is not one of them. She should have pointed this out many moons ago as I did to my daughter and I'm sure many others here did too. Mums and friends are not the same.

Sorry this happened, but you may wish to blame your mother twice over.

One: on not explaining the divide between mother and friend. A line not to be crossed.

Second: for stepping over that divide when she was the adult.

Wow, I would have been devastated if my Mum had ever told me that I should not consider her a friend.

Equally if my daughters told me they did not regard me as a friend as well as their Mum I would feel as though I'd let them down somehow.

What a very strange way to look at the Mother/daughter relationship

poet123

consultant31 wrote: »

Wow, I would have been devastated if my Mum had ever told me that I should not consider her a friend.

Equally if my daughters told me they did not regard me as a friend as well as their Mum I would feel as though I'd let them down somehow.

What a very strange way to look at the Mother/daughter relationship

I think it is how you view the primary relationship. rather than that which evolves from being close. Are you a mother first, or a friend first? there is a clear distinction to me.

shellsuit

consultant31 wrote: »

Wow, I would have been devastated if my Mum had ever told me that I should not consider her a friend.

Equally if my daughters told me they did not regard me as a friend as well as their Mum I would feel as though I'd let them down somehow.

What a very strange way to look at the Mother/daughter relationship

Totally agree, and I'm just sat wondering how do you actually point out to your daughter that she is not your friend? (Not you, but you know what I mean lol)



Take a look at my sig ~ that's what my daughter said about me a few weeks ago.

If I wasn't her friend, she wouldn't confide in me. I couldn't confide in mine.

I know which kind of Mum I'd rather be.

poet123

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2560469 strange this thread was started last night!