I'm heartbroken

gravitytolls

Minniemavis wrote: »

I think I'm too much in shock at the minute to do anything. I loved him with all my heart and as silly as it sounds I still do but in another sense hate him
More than anything if that's possible?! I definitely wouldn't have him back and I honestly don't think he would want me back. This is not something that happens in my life I feel like it's a dream and I am
Going to wake up anytime soon it's a Jeremy Kyle story this isn't my life!

Thanks again sorry to rant xx

Of course you still love him, you can't just switch it off, even after this. At the moment, and for some time to come, you'll 'forget', and find yourself thinkning of him as you used to, you'll wonder if it really happened, then you'll remember.

If you ever feel yourself weakening, recall his words 'you can't satisfy me, you're always tired.' How dare he try to shift the blame to you. It's classic behaviour, I expect he grew up and has spent his entire life blaming others for his sins.

I can't see how you could ever forgive either of them, it's the ultimate nono, your mum and fella....makes you wonder.

Normally you's turn to your mum for solace, but in this case you may require c ounselling.

|Good luck pet.
x

*Louise*

I would tell her bf. Not for revenge...but because I believe people who are being cheated on deserve to know what's going on.

So sorry you are in this situation, I can't even begin to imagine the shock you are in atm. Is he still there or have you kicked him out?

His feet wouldn't have touched the floor if I had walked in on that.....come to think of it I don't think either of them would have left in one piece....:mad:

Minniemavis

Googlewhacker wrote: »

at the end of the day your mum is your mum, she did wrong but in time I would not hold a grudge with her, think of all the good things she has done for you and counter them up against the bad thing.

You are right to be angry but if as you say you were like best friends then don't cut her out

Thanks for your reply. I can see your point but how could I ever go back to how we used to be? Our chats and laughs that would be ended. Things would be awkward and what she did is totally below the belt in my eyes. She obviously thinks little of Me.

Googlewhacker

Minniemavis wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. I can see your point but how could I ever go back to how we used to be? Our chats and laughs that would be ended. Things would be awkward and what she did is totally below the belt in my eyes. She obviously thinks little of Me.

It will never be like it was but as they say time is a great healer and eventually you will get back to some sembalence of normality

Oldernotwiser

Minniemavis wrote: »

what she did is totally below the belt in my eyes..

Well, obviously!;)

Minniemavis

*Louise* wrote: »

I would tell her bf. Not for revenge...but because I believe people who are being cheated on deserve to know what's going on.

So sorry you are in this situation, I can't even begin to imagine the shock you are in atm. Is he still there or have you kicked him out?

His feet wouldn't have touched the floor if I had walked in on that.....come to think of it I don't think either of them would have left in one piece....:mad:

That made me smile thanks.
When I caught them I just walked straight out of the house. He then txt me and said he had gone and then all the abuse and blame onto me! He isn't the person I once knew. Xx

Googlewhacker

oldernotwiser wrote: »

well, obviously!;)

boom boom!!!!

mogadon

God what a nightmare :-(

My gut reaction is to tell you to kick them both to the curb, but then your little ones will lose Grandma and Daddy in one swoop, just when everything else is up in the air for them. For that reason alone, my advice would be do nothing major right now. You are in an impossible situation, and you can't be expected to get your head around it right away.

Take sometime to think about it, and see if you can figure any way of salvaging some sort of relationship with them both, however strained and damaged, so that your children can maintain some sort of contact with them. Maybe you can't do it, I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't, but when people are in desperate situations they sometimes find reserves of strength they never knew they had.

Oh, and I don't mean trying to stay with him as a partner, or realistically, treating your Mum like a Mum anymore, more just not burning any bridges at this stage.

Also, I would say do NOT tell your Mum's BF, instead tell her that she has to tell him, and that you are going to tell him if she doesn't but that it will sound a lot worse coming from you. If you tell him yourself you are likely to find yourself getting shot as the messenger, let her do her own dirty work. Obviously if she refuses to tell him, you'll have no choice, but hopefully it won't come to that.

Good luck whatever you decide, I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling or coping right now.

Elsie_H

Hi OP (I've signed in under a new name) but this happened to me a few years ago.

I'd been with my BF for 5 years and we were drifting apart, but I still loved him, unlike you I could see subtle signs of him and my mother flirting but obviously never suspected a thing! I moved out of the house I shared with my BF to give us some time apart, after about 6 weeks we decided that we wouldn't be getting back together. I moved into mum's house as her husband died from cancer so we would help each other.
I decided to have a weekend in Dublin with some friends and it was then (I found out two months later - her bragging to me and showing me the text messages they'd been sending to each other - him telling her not to tell anyone!!) that they'd been having sex together - on more than 1 occasion.

It destroyed everything, I was still friends with my ex and obviously loved my mum but now everything has changed. 3 years on, I don't have much of a relationship with her and I never want to see his face again.

It does get easier, but I am still mortified, sad, upset, angry ... I told her BF (they're now married) my dad, all my siblings and even my grandparents know. She no longer (AFAIK) sees my ex, I think some of his family know too. He really was the golden boy and every Christmas I get tempted to write it all in a Christmas card to his parents/sisters/grandparents

I want to say get rid of your BF, but he;s the dad of your kids. It's not a decision for me or any other members of MSE to make. Don't rush into anything.

((hugs))

xmaslolly76

(((Hugs))) that is an awful thing to walk in on life shattering infact. As others have said lay low for a while collect your thoughts, cry, get angry do what you need to but dont have any contact with them for a while. You will never get back what you had before but with children to consider cutting them out completely doesnt seem to be an option.

As for what your OH said non of this is your fault the blame lies firmly at their feet they should be utterly discusted with themselves for what they have done. I also second the idea of getting your mom to tell her OH herself. Why should she get away scot free after destroying your life.

Remeber you will get there you will feel better eventually and you will move on to better things it just takes time x