Worst Day ever!

grey_lady

Good grief, lots of over-reacting on this thread. So he came home on report for....????? No, it's not normal teenage laziness to be on report. Husband tells off step-son for getting into trouble at school and they fall out, son stomps out to a mates, husband loses temper tells him to go and stay gone.

Hasnt this happened with most teenagers at some point?

Probably will blow over in a couple days, perhaps husband is trying to keep step-son on the straight and narrow as the OP appears to think misbehaving at school and being on report is normal.

It will be ok, son will turn up again - hopefully the OP can sit down with them both and get the air cleared. BTW OP dont give him any money in the meantime, that will enable him to stay away for longer.

shellsuit

grey_lady wrote: »

Good grief, lots of over-reacting on this thread. So he came home on report for....????? No, it's not normal teenage laziness to be on report. Husband tells off step-son for getting into trouble at school and they fall out, son stomps out to a mates, husband loses temper tells him to go and stay gone.

Hasnt this happened with most teenagers at some point?

Probably will blow over in a couple days, perhaps husband is trying to keep step-son on the straight and narrow as the OP appears to think misbehaving at school and being on report is normal.

It will be ok, son will turn up again - hopefully the OP can sit down with them both and get the air cleared. BTW OP dont give him any money in the meantime, that will enable him to stay away for longer.

Are you reading the same thread?

The OPs husband told the boy to get out.

The boy went to his mates because the OPs husband told him he couldn't go to his Grandparents.

Fang_3

grey_lady wrote: »

Good grief, lots of over-reacting on this thread. So he came home on report for....????? No, it's not normal teenage laziness to be on report. Husband tells off step-son for getting into trouble at school and they fall out, son stomps out to a mates, husband loses temper tells him to go and stay gone.

Hasnt this happened with most teenagers at some point?

Probably will blow over in a couple days, perhaps husband is trying to keep step-son on the straight and narrow as the OP appears to think misbehaving at school and being on report is normal.

It will be ok, son will turn up again - hopefully the OP can sit down with them both and get the air cleared. BTW OP dont give him any money in the meantime, that will enable him to stay away for longer.

I suppose that you missed the parts where the husband threw the son out? And prevented him from going to his grandparents? And then told his wife that if the son comes home, he'll take her daughter and leave?

Oh yes. All perfectly reasonable behaviour.

Fang_3

blabberwort wrote: »

Something doesnt seem right, I think theres more to the story than the OP is letting on. On a slightly different point I have to say that I get really annoyed when people say children come as a package with a single parent. Partner takes the children on and treats them like their own yet in a situation like this 10 years after taaking the child on as his own the step father is suddenly NOT allowed to treat the SS as he would his own son. People really need to make their mind up what it is. Single parent and child/children come as a package or dont? Shouldnt be allowed to pick and choose when this suits except when it's at the start of a relationship, but 10 years fgs and the man is good enough to pay towards the childs upkeep, be there when the child needs it, love and care for the child but hit a sticky point and the boy is nothing to do with the son as he's not biologically his. Seriously... I dont get it.

Im not suggesting the mans reaction is right, just that him not being his biological father 10 years after accepting him as a part of the family should really not be an issue.

Here's my problem - the step father joined a family, the son didn't. A parent should always put their minor child before their partner. Without exception. If you cannot do this, then don't have children.

peachyprice

Where is your child today OP, have you let him go to school?

Me, I'd have been over at his friends first thing this morning to bring him home, assuming you didn't do that last night.

kate1976

First off let me start by saying I know how you feel OP, regarding your son's behaviour as I'm going through the same thing with my 15 year old son, but although I lose sleep and have made myself quite ill the last few weeks with stress about it I've now come to the conclusion that it's only school and looking at some of the teenagers around here he could be a lot lot worse!

My partner would never dream of telling my son to get out and knows if he did he'd be the one out the door and not my son, my partner has in fact been great the last few weeks and understands that teenagers do like to push the right buttons and make us parents sweat, my son actually walked out the other night and my partner scoured the streets for him till my parents phoned and said he'd turned up there and he had decided to stay the night to give him some time to think things through, we were in constant touch all night and things got sorted and he came home happy in the morning.

I really hope you have your son home with you now, teenagers are very hard work but they're still children and need us, your son will probably be feeling very hurt that your partner has thrown him out and will see it as you've backed him up, be tough on your partner and tell him your son is coming back home and if he doesn't like it then he can leave instead, I doubt he'd take your daughter!

http://www.gotateenager.org.uk/ is a good site and also you may find meetings with the school's education support officer helpful! I really do hope your son is back where he belongs now and I wish you well, just remember he could be a lot worse, doing drugs, mugging old ladies etc so although it's a worry I'm sure he'll look back at this behaviour and regret it when he's older, I know I do and I was a terrible teen! Good luck!

mikey72

Fang wrote: »

Here's my problem - the step father joined a family, the son didn't. A parent should always put their minor child before their partner. Without exception. If you cannot do this, then don't have children.

It's an interesting point of view.
Any man should never expect to become an integral part of a family unit, and should always be treated as mum's boyfriend, and never expect to take over as a father figure, regardless of how long he's been there?
The first clash over children would be expected to result in another breakup, if mum's boyfriend didn't back down.
An opposite view, but you won't agree, is that some men would expect to behave as a father, and not walk away every time any difficulty arose.
Possibly after living with, and bringing up the child for ten years as his own, he thinks he may be entitled to some input by now. Maybe not though.

nickyhutch

mikey72 wrote: »

It's an interesting point of view.
Any man should never expect to become an integral part of a family unit, and should always be treated as mum's boyfriend, and never expect to take over as a father figure, regardless of how long he's been there?
The first clash over children would be expected to result in another breakup, if mum's boyfriend didn't back down.
An opposite view, but you won't agree, is that some men would expect to behave as a father, and not walk away every time any difficulty arose.
Possibly after living with, and bringing up the child for ten years as his own, he thinks he may be entitled to some input by now. Maybe not though.

Agreed on the input point. That input, though, should not be kicking a 15 year old out for not working hard enough at school, and banning him from going to his grandparents' home. Parenting is about presenting a united front, not being The Big I Am.

LilacLouisa

mikey72 wrote: »

It's an interesting point of view.
Any man should never expect to become an integral part of a family unit, and should always be treated as mum's boyfriend, and never expect to take over as a father figure, regardless of how long he's been there?
The first clash over children would be expected to result in another breakup, if mum's boyfriend didn't back down.
An opposite view, but you won't agree, is that some men would expect to behave as a father, and not walk away every time any difficulty arose.
Possibly after living with, and bringing up the child for ten years as his own, he thinks he may be entitled to some input by now. Maybe not though.

I would depend on what sort of input wouldn`t it?

To prevent Muggi's son from going to his grandparents, surely a safe haven even if only temporarily, is bullying isn`t it? The desire to have the upper hand at best, complete lack of concern for the welfare of a minor at worst imo.

What would have happened if there had been no friend available to take him in, would he be sleeping rough? and what would happen if he had been assaulted or harmed in some way?

Fortunately that hasn`t been the case, but it so easily could have been.

aliasojo

LilacLouisa wrote: »

To prevent Muggi's son from going to his grandparents, surely a safe haven even if only temporarily, is bullying isn`t it?

Can I just point out that we dont actually know what happened here. All we were told by the OP was....'My husband does not want him to go to my parents as he says they are to soft'.

Now that could mean various things, so I'm not sure it's wise to simply assume the worst and that he actually prevented the boy from going?

Maybe the boy was always intending going to his pal's house and it was the OP who wanted him to go to the grand parents? Maybe the husband said something like 'no point in him going there, they'll just be too soft on him'.

The point is, we simply don't know the context of how this feeling of 'not wanting him to go there' was conveyed.