Worst Day ever!

Molly41

As a parent of four teenagers, three boys, I agree that there is a lot of testosterone around !! I dont think we can judge the OP until we have walked in her shoes with her son and husband. I do know that my kids have pushed me and their father beyond our limits. Its most often when there are other stresses such as money or work or illness. I once had to leave home because I couldnt take anymore - I soon returned after two nights away. The angst that had been brewing between my son and his dad (not biological) was resolved without my input. I think that often I intercede between them as Im aware that he is not biologically his. However he has been his dad for 17 years and all that time I used to play peacemaker. Now they have a better relationship and yes it did nearly come to fisticuffs at one point but they sorted it out - both of them saw reason.

Im sorry that you have not come back to post. I hope your situation is sorted today. I hope that you dont feel judged.

LilacLouisa

aliasojo wrote: »

Can I just point out that we dont actually know what happened here. All we were told by the OP was....'My husband does not want him to go to my parents as he says they are to soft'.

Now that could mean various things, so I'm not sure it's wise to simply assume the worst and that he actually prevented the boy from going?

Maybe the boy was always intending going to his pal's house and it was the OP who wanted him to go to the grand parents? Maybe the husband said something like 'no point in him going there, they'll just be too soft on him'.

The point is, we simply don't know the context of how this feeling of 'not wanting him to go there' was conveyed.

Well this is a quote from an early post by Muggi

"My husband does not want him to go to my parents as he says they are to soft. I know who he is staying with and have spoken briefly to his friends mom, I was in too much of a state to be honest."

If we take that statement at face value, it doesn`t sound as though her OH wanted anywhere too comforting for him does it?

With the facts given by Muggi, my opinion still stands that her OH sounds like a bully, however the fact was conveyed.

Oldernotwiser

mikey72 wrote: »

I'm not defending " a man ", I'd be saying the same if the op was a man, it's insane to throw away a marriage as you suggest, at this stage, but I do suspect you wouldn't be advising the same if the op was a man though.

Completely agree. No wonder people have such fragile relationships and spoiled children if everybody thinks that the child should come first.

OP, support your husband in his stand against your son's behaviour and you'll all come through it as a stronger family unit.

LilacLouisa

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Completely agree. No wonder people have such fragile relationships and spoiled children if everybody thinks that the child should come first.

OP, support your husband in his stand against your son's behaviour and you'll all come through it as a stronger family unit.

No wonder so many children come to grief when people put their partner above their children.

aliasojo

LilacLouisa wrote: »

Well this is a quote from an early post by Muggi

"My husband does not want him to go to my parents as he says they are to soft. I know who he is staying with and have spoken briefly to his friends mom, I was in too much of a state to be honest."

If we take that statement at face value, it doesn`t sound as though her OH wanted anywhere too comforting for him does it?

With the facts given by Muggi, my opinion still stands that her OH sounds like a bully.

I don't think the OP said enough to base any kind of judgement on tbh. I think she was pretty vague about a lot of this, which is why I asked specific questions.

Given the situation, the man was probably speaking through anger.

I'm trying hard to remain unbiased. None of us are party to a) how the boy has behaved b) whether the husband is a bullying control freak or a man simply pushed to the end of his tether and b) if the Op is a balanced parent or a 'my son isn't bad' (no matter what he does) type.

aliasojo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Completely agree. No wonder people have such fragile relationships and spoiled children if everybody thinks that the child should come first.

OP, support your husband in his stand against your son's behaviour and you'll all come through it as a stronger family unit.

Personally I don't believe the child should always come first. Sometimes kids are just plain out of line and should not be defended 'no matter what'.

However I do believe the parent has a responsibility to house and look after the child if it is not of an age where it can be responsible for itself.

shellsuit

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Completely agree. No wonder people have such fragile relationships and spoiled children if everybody thinks that the child should come first.

OP, support your husband in his stand against your son's behaviour and you'll all come through it as a stronger family unit.

So you think it's perfectly OK to hoof a 15 year old child out of the door?

ANYONE who can do this, regardless of their status to the child needs their head testing.


ETA : And you would let your OH threaten to take your child away from you?

MrsE_2

aliasojo wrote: »

Personally I don't believe the child should always come first. Sometimes kids are just plain out of line and should not be defended 'no matter what'.

However I do believe the parent has a responsibility to house and look after the child if it is not of an age where it can be responsible for itself.

I think the OP would have told the story a different way if it was a "dad" chucking out the boy rather than a step-dad & their is a difference.

My DH always says without him as the peacemaker our DD would have left before 23 (he's her step father). Sometimes the relationship "works" & sometimes it doesn't.

It doesn't sound like this one is.

LilacLouisa

aliasojo wrote: »

I don't think the OP said enough to base any kind of judgement on tbh. I think she was pretty vague about a lot of this, which is why I asked specific questions.

Given the situation, the man was probably speaking through anger.

I'm trying hard to remain unbiased. None of us are party to a) how the boy has behaved b) whether the husband is a bullying control freak or a man simply pushed to the end of his tether and b) if the Op is a balanced parent or a 'my son isn't bad' (no matter what he does) type.

Well we can`t even be sure that Muggi is a genuine poster can we? but if she is, and her OH has thrown her son out, and she says he has said he will go and take their daughter with him if she goes against his wishes, he still sounds like a control freak to me.

Even given that teenagers can be troublesome sometimes and a pita, this man should have a little more empathy than he seems to have shown, surely.

Is anyone ever more important than your child? that isn`t condoning parents who think their child can never do any wrong btw.

aliasojo

LilacLouisa wrote: »

Well we can`t even be sure that Muggi is a genuine poster can we? but if she is, and her OH has thrown her son out, and she says he has said he will go and take their daughter with him if she goes against his wishes, he still sounds like a control freak to me.

That's the joy of individuality, we can all offer our own 'take' on things and hopefully between us all, the OP will be able to have a fairly rounded set of replies, covering most, if not all aspects.

As for the 'I'm taking our daughter' comment....again, he could be a controlling bully or he could just be speaking in anger because he is so frustrated.

Who knows. I hope if this is a genuine situation, the OP ends up with some sort of acceptable ending for all.