Worst Day ever!

muggi

I have been a lurker but not posted, so sorry to post this now but I am having a tough time and need some one to share it with.

Today my 15 year old son has left to stay at his friends because my husband said he had to go, I am heartbroken.

We have been having a bit of trouble with him no effort at school, he is on report and seems to be getting worse behavior wise, we have done everything to help him but he did not seem to listen or care, my husband tried to talk to him and help but it got no where so it came to a head and he said he had to go.

He has gone to stay at a friends , I cannot stop crying I have let him down, I love him so much I do not know how it came to this.

I have tried to talk to husband about this but he thinks its the only way, I am devastated.

neneromanova

Is your husband his biological father?

Barneysmom

Tell your son to come home and tell your hubby to accept responsibily and to help his son learn to behave properly.

pigpen

give them overnight to calm down and you MUST sit and discuss with them reasonably.. even if you have to do what they do at nursery and have a wooden spoon.. and the only person who is allowed to speak is the person with the spoon.

your husband is not looking at the issue he is pushing it away so he can pretend it has nothing to do with him and he can ignore it.. sadly life isn't that simple.

You need to be in touch with Social Services if your husband is not willing to allow your son to come home in the morning.. you cannot simply throw out your son like a piece of rubbish regardless of what they have done, especially at this age! He needs to be somewhere safe, with adults etc..

It is VERY normal for dads and lads to clash.. like a pride of lions kicking out the young males once they reach maturity.. there can only be one alpha-male and they are both after this position at the moment.

what help is the school offering? You should go in and speak to them tomorrow about this, they may be able to point you in the direction of some practical help.

When my husband made it impossible for my son to stay here.. he too was told to go.. I had always said if he made it so one of my children had to leave he would go too.

You are in a vile position and whatever you do will be wrong with someone.

You need to look after yourself FIRST.. you are no use to anyone if you are a mess.
Second you need to find somewhere safe for your son if he cannot come home immediately.. a grandparents or family member ideally.. staying at his friends will make his problems much much worse.. whatever trouble he was in before will multiply 10 fold!
Then look at dealing with the situation.. there is always a way forward and always progress to be made.

I would recommend family counselling for you ALL if you cannot manage to sit and take it is turn to speak like adults.

big big hugs to you.. I hope tomorrow brings some sense into your family. xxxx

Fang_3

pigpen wrote: »

give them overnight to calm down and you MUST sit and discuss with them reasonably.. even if you have to do what they do at nursery and have a wooden spoon.. and the only person who is allowed to speak is the person with the spoon.

your husband is not looking at the issue he is pushing it away so he can pretend it has nothing to do with him and he can ignore it.. sadly life isn't that simple.

You need to be in touch with Social Services if your husband is not willing to allow your son to come home in the morning.. you cannot simply throw out your son like a piece of rubbish regardless of what they have done, especially at this age! He needs to be somewhere safe, with adults etc..

It is VERY normal for dads and lads to clash.. like a pride of lions kicking out the young males once they reach maturity.. there can only be one alpha-male and they are both after this position at the moment.

what help is the school offering? You should go in and speak to them tomorrow about this, they may be able to point you in the direction of some practical help.

When my husband made it impossible for my son to stay here.. he too was told to go.. I had always said if he made it so one of my children had to leave he would go too.

You are in a vile position and whatever you do will be wrong with someone.

You need to look after yourself FIRST.. you are no use to anyone if you are a mess.
Second you need to find somewhere safe for your son if he cannot come home immediately.. a grandparents or family member ideally.. staying at his friends will make his problems much much worse.. whatever trouble he was in before will multiply 10 fold!
Then look at dealing with the situation.. there is always a way forward and always progress to be made.

I would recommend family counselling for you ALL if you cannot manage to sit and take it is turn to speak like adults.

big big hugs to you.. I hope tomorrow brings some sense into your family. xxxx

This is absolutely fantastic advice. I hope you listen OP.

It's hard to comment without knowing more details.

muggi

neneromanova wrote: »

Is your husband his biological father?

No he is not, but he is the only father he has known

muggi

Thank you pig pen great advice. I am in contact with school about him they do not know what is happening at home though, he is good kids just lazy and he did not deserve this.

My husband does not want him to go to my parents as he says they are to soft. I know who he is staying with and have spoken briefly to his friends mom, I was in too much of a state to be honest.

I just don't see this getting better my husband seems relived he is gone and I cant cope with it and we have not spoken really. I had tried all day to sort it out with him to no avail.

Fang_3

muggi wrote: »

No he is not, but he is the only father he has known

How long is that exactly?

I'm shocked to be honest. Your husband should understand that you and your son come as a package.

Does he own the house or do you both?

Fang_3

muggi wrote: »

Thank you pig pen great advice. I am in contact with school about him they do not know what is happening at home though, he is good kids just lazy and he did not deserve this.

My husband does not want him to go to my parents as he says they are to soft. I know who he is staying with and have spoken briefly to his friends mom, I was in too much of a state to be honest.

I just don't see this getting better my husband seems relived he is gone and I cant cope with it and we have not spoken really. I had tried all day to sort it out with him to no avail.

Your husband needs a slap. You have a child, he should be your priority, not your seemingly control freak of a husband.

muggi

Around 10 years, we own house together

Fang_3

muggi wrote: »

Around 10 years, we own house together

Then kick him out.

Edit: Seriously. Look at this from your son's point of view, his mother's husband has thrown him out and is now stopping him from contact with his grandparents. That's not good. I'm getting the impression that your husband is much stricter than you, and is controlling, and you put up with it to the detriment of your son. Unless you act NOW your son will think that you've chosen your husband over him, and if you do choose, then it can't be your husband. Throw him out and tell him that he can come back your son comes back and that they can learn to live together, but make it very clear that your son is your priority.