Worst Day ever!

muggi

yes I am in constant touch with him thank you

meritaten

swiss69 wrote: »

I think people need to know the full story before advising on this.

How badly is he behaving etc....?

Would the advice of all the woman on here be the same if this kid was on drugs/committing crime/fighting/abusing his mum/stepdad both verbally and physically??

Only the OP knows the full story and she may only be sharing some of this.

I would say let him stay at his friends tonight, make contact with him tomorrow and agree to talk about the issues and find some common ground.

Advising leaving/Divorce etc without knowing the facts is just ridiculous.

go back and read the first post! the OP hasnt said her son was dealing drugs etc - just failing at school! why the hell do you think us other posters/parents are so annoyed? Read the whole thread and then come back!

Amanda65

I feel so sorry for you OP - children can and do push boundaries, especially at this cusp of adulthood.

However, your 15 year old son is a CHILD. It doesn't sound as though he has done anything more heinous than been lazy at school, no doubt has back chatted when spoken to about it and been a general pain in the !!!! Now I am not for one minute condoning any of this but how is he going to learn what is acceptable and what isn't if you aren't there to guide him. He quite obviously can't stay with his friend for the long term so where exactly does your husband expect him to stay if he doesn't want him and won't allow you to take him to your parents.

As hard as it is - and no-one ever said bringing up teenagers was easy - I think you need to sit your husband down, tell him that you are collecting your son tomorrow and bringing him home and that you expect to all sit round and discuss how you can sort it out. You also need to phone your son tonight, who is no doubt very scared and tell him you love him, unconditionally, but that you've got to try and all reach a compromise.

At the end of the day however, even though my husband in the biological father of all 3 of our children, they are MY children and I would never choose my husband over them while they are still children. I hope you find a solution soon xx

Fang_3

muggi wrote: »

yes I am in constant touch with him thank you

And where's the 'lovely' husband?

tabskitten

I think that 15 is very young and he obviously needs a bit of mothering and lots of love!! Go get him and give him a big hug!!

moodydonkey

muggi wrote: »

Sounds like you know him! lol but he has a good side to, he said he has had enough and cant take anymore and this is making him turn into someone nasty who he does not want to be.

could this not also be your son's thoughts who doesn't get to throw his stepdad out? I feel for you.

Steel_2

He's only 15 and his mum has chosen his stepfather over him. The stepfather has managed to oust the non-biological cuckoo from the nest.

Wow. Your son must feel very alone right now.

Tell me, are you always this weak with your husband where your children are concerned? Are you always willing to give in to emotional blackmail when he threatens to leave and take your other children if you object to his behaviour? what else do you give in to for a quiet life?

You've landed a real prize there dear.

aliasojo

muggi wrote: »

Sounds like you know him! lol but he has a good side to, he said he has had enough and cant take anymore and this is making him turn into someone nasty who he does not want to be.

Everyone has their 'stop' point, the point where up till then they can cope and be reasonable but once that point is past, all reason goes out the window and most decisions are made based purely on emotion and feeling. It sounds like your husband has gone/been pushed past his stop point and is now just reacting.

What you now need to figure out is.......a) has your son's behaviour been so bad that it's reasonable to say he's pushed and pushed your husband so much that it's not surprising your husband has got to this point...and b) is your husband being unfair in his expectations of your son?

I suspect the answers are a) no, b) yes.

If your husband can usually compromise and see other sides of things then maybe tomorrow when he's calmer, you can talk to him again but you will have to find the strength to be firm about the fact you will not be putting your son out and he will be coming home.

If he's not one for compromising then you're going to be in for a rough time I think, and you may well be faced with a choice.

Don't think your son is nearly at the age where he'd be moving out anyway, he's not....he's at the age where his life can easily go down the tubes. And if your husband can turf out this one so easily, then he'll do the same with the next one if he doesn't learn better ways of dealing with things.

I know you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place but you chose to have kids, letting one be dumped because the man you chose afterwards doesn't want him, really is not what you can do.

How has your son reacted to this? Is he scared or upset? Is he bolshy or unconcerned? Is he a 'young' 15 year old or a streetwise one?

shellsuit

muggi wrote: »

problems are not trying at school, just general attitude nothing bad at all, in my eyes just general teenage problems.

And you let your husband kick your son out for that??????

And he then dictated where he could and couldn't go??

Sorry, but this thread smells of bullsh!t.

What kind of woman would stand and watch her bully of a husband turf her 15 year old son out for basically being a hormonal teenager?




My son is 14. He is extremely clever and is taking 4 GCSE's 2 years early, BUT he can be moody, gobby, will backchat. I've lost count of the detentions he's had and reports he has been on ~ but he is a CHILD and he is my SON and there is No way I would stand and watch my OH turf him out.

And if my OH did, and then said that he would take our son (eldest son isn't OH's), my OH would be the one turfed out.

minimoneysaver

What a totally shocking thread! How on earth could you stand by and let this happen. Do you realise how your relationship with your son will change forever? How on earth will he ever be able to trust you again? Children depend on parents to be there for them and you have let your son down. As you said, he hasn't committed a crime, just not put as much effort into school as his step dad would like. I wonder what your other children think of this situation?