Practicalities of husband leaving.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It's not criticism. It's fact. And would they rather she lied to them and let them think that he had walked away from them over a row they had last week, perhaps?

It's not as if they're two year olds. They deserve to hear the truth, not be patronised. And they may work it out for themselves if they end up meeting the new stepmother within a fortnight.

Fang_3

ailuro2 wrote: »

But is she meant to lie to them - Dad's on holiday for a bit longer than expected, Dad's decided to move out, Dad and me couldn't agree on a new paint colour for the living room so he's gone and got his own flat...

Teens especially need to know the basic truth for the split, but not the gory details I agree. they will work it out for themselves as they get older that he didn't have enough respect for his wife or his children to keep his manbits under wraps like he promised to all those years ago.

No they are both meant to act like adults and admit that the marriage is over. If indeed it is. They should both sit their children down and explain it and tell them that they still love them, but they are not in love with each other anymore.

The only reason the OP would have for telling her children about the affairs now is to try and damage their views of their father. And I guarantee that she will regret that for the rest of her life, because once her children mature they will see that and they will blame her. Not him.

If she says nothing and they find out when they're adults then they will see that she didn't tell them to protect them and they will love her all the more. The choice is simple - do you love your children more than you want to hurt your husband?

GEEGEE8

When my parents split, when I was 12 and my sister 14, my mum stayed for 2 weeks to sort things out. (she had the affair). After that she left and they sorted everything else out through solicitors.

At the time, it didn't bother me. I must have been in shock.

There is never a good time to do it.

Fang_3

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It's not criticism. It's fact. And would they rather she lied to them and let them think that he had walked away from them over a row they had last week, perhaps?

It's not as if they're two year olds. They deserve to hear the truth, not be patronised. And they may work it out for themselves if they end up meeting the new stepmother within a fortnight.

They are teenagers and full of hormones and so don't have the clear grasp of reality that mature adults do. It is not patronising to protect them. You obviously have no experience of this - I do.

Angel1978_2

When I was a teenager and I found out my dad had cheated on my mum and she didn't tell me I was livid. I was angry for years because of what my dad did and at my mum for lying to me. More so at my mum tbh. Then I felt guilty that she lied to protect me and must've been hurting so much. Which in turn made me angry again. I'd rather have had the truth.

Two sides to every coin.

GEEGEE8

Also, telling two teenage girls about their dad having affairs, isn't going to help them and their trust of men in the long run.

tabskitten

Thats a big ouch.

Probably the start of your life again through- you will be better off without in the long run, and you will find someone that is worthy of your trust.

Best wishes

Fang_3

Angel1978 wrote: »

When I was a teenager and I found out my dad had cheated on my mum and she didn't tell me I was livid. I was angry for years because of what my dad did and at my mum for lying to me. More so at my mum tbh. Then I felt guilty that she lied to protect me and must've been hurting so much. Which in turn made me angry again. I'd rather have had the truth.

Two sides to every coin.

You were a teenager when you found out and it messed you up. Exactly what I'm talking about. Thank you for proving my point.

tabskitten

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

Also, telling two teenage girls about their dad having affairs, isn't going to help them and their trust of men in the long run.

No point blinkering them. Tell the truth!

tabskitten

Fang wrote: »

They are teenagers and full of hormones and so don't have the clear grasp of reality that mature adults do. I.

thats a massive generalistion.