Practicalities of husband leaving.

happyandy63

Ps you sound lovely!

suited-aces

OP, no useful advice here I'm afraid, but just had to mention that you sound like a really good, decent person.

mackemdave

He doesnt deserve you...his loss....He hasnt thought of your feelings so you shouldnt be bothered about spoiling his golfing day...if it is really a golfing day

Bubby

Wow, what an amazing person you are!!
Your husband clearly doesn't deserve you as a wife! If it were me (thank god for him it isn't;)) I wouldn't care less about spoiling any of his golf time or fathers day:mad:

I would simply tell him you need to discuss his affair and let him do the talking! Could you confide in your parents/siblings? Could they look after the children for you whilst this conversation takes place?

I have total admiration for the fact that you are not prepared to allow him to do this to you again and despite your feelings have more respect for yourself than to forgive him.

Please do allow yourself time to grieve for all those things you have mentioned after he is gone and allow your close friends and family chance to look after YOU. Your children will understand in time that you have made the right decision for them and as long as you both assure them that you are still there for them as parents you have nothing to feel guilty about.

kazwookie

Hi

Put YOU and the children FIRST, sod putting him first ,and his golf, not wanting to upset people YOU are first, kick him out, if you are sure that is what you want, stop being nice to him and lost that right by playing away......................

I cannot believe that his golf comes before sorting out a major problem in his family life.......................

Good luck...

Fang_3

Maybe this might save your marriage? You say that the marriage was dead long ago, but then you say that you hate him for destroying your future. Which is it? You say it's dead, but from reading your post, I don't think it's as dead as you think, might a full and frank discussion help? Would you consider contacting Relate? If nothing else you might be able to remain friends.

ailuro2

Give your kids some money and send them off to the cinema on Sunday night....if they question it tell them you need some adult time with their father. Don't be swayed on it.

make sure you have taken away his car keys so he can't drive off and not talk about what he's done.

Is the marriage really over? Couples CAN survuve affairs, however it does sound like he's done this before and you've decided not to be a doormat. Good for you for not giving in. I would question why you said the marriage was over a long time ago... you sound like incredibly busy people who have somewhat separately busy lives too. any road back to doing things together now the kids are getting older?

Big hug for you, you're being incredibly brave about it, but don't forget you're entitled to get angry too, and stamp your feet and cry if you want to - nothing wrong in taking a day off work no-one else knows about to do it in private the first time around, though.:A

Fang_3

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

On Monday, tell him he should go to his golf tournament (if it really is and not a visit to the mistress) and never come back.

Then tell your girls that you're sorry, but he has to leave because he has a mistress and you aren't prepared to put up with him cheating on you again, as he has done it before.

And then her children will hate her. Maybe not at first, but they will blame her. There's a reason that every agony aunt and counsellor in the world tells parents going through a divorce to not criticize the other parent to their children, no matter how hard it is. Because no matter what they have done to you, they are still your children's mother/father.

ailuro2

But is she meant to lie to them - Dad's on holiday for a bit longer than expected, Dad's decided to move out, Dad and me couldn't agree on a new paint colour for the living room so he's gone and got his own flat...

Teens especially need to know the basic truth for the split, but not the gory details I agree. they will work it out for themselves as they get older that he didn't have enough respect for his wife or his children to keep his manbits under wraps like he promised to all those years ago.

Angel1978_2

I'd toss him out. I don't care what's going on or what's coming up. The kids are teens and well able to make a fuss out of their dad themselves on fathers day. And if the kids asked why i'd tell them politely to ask their dad. His mess, let him sort it out.

Sorry but cheating once was an insult. Cheating twice is a slap around the face and then a roundhouse.

He's walked all over you because you're too nice. Far far too nice for him. Put out the trash.