Practicalities of husband leaving.

neneromanova

Good Luck for tonight. Hold your head up high and think about your children as you do it. You don't want them thinking that ment can do this and get away with it. They will thank you for it in years to come if it happens to them and they get the strength from what they saw with you

poet123

I just wanted to add my support, he is a fool if he thinks the grass will ultimately be greener. You sound like a wonderful lady who deserves much better, and who hopefully in the future will have that. He will probably like many men in this situation end up with no one, ad you will have mpved on and found happiness. Take care, and be kind to yourself during the "grieving" period.

needabitofadvice

Just thought I would update you all. We did talk, it was painful, horrible and obviously very sad. Lots of tears involved on both sides. He is a broken man, although he is adamantly denying it. So either he's lying, or i can't trust him, doesn't really matter now. We have both agreed that we will have to leave each other, but at the moment he is still here as there is such a lot of talking to be done first. I probably won't post again, now it's out in the open I don't really need to, but thank you so much to everyone for all your advice and care.

poet123

Thank you for the update. Just a thought and it may be way out of line, but on re reading the OP, you don't say what evidence was so damning that you were certain he was cheating. Is it in any way possible you have misconstrued what you found? could he be telling the truth?

As I say, you will know the answer, but I just wanted to put that out there. Take care, and good luck.

needabitofadvice

It was a text, thanking her for buying his new phone ( he told me he'd bought it himself with his birthday money) and telling her he loved her. No name, just a number and I stupidly forgot to check when it was sent before I deleted it. I can't believe it wasn't off him, it's too unrealistic for it to be any other explanation. He can't give me an explanation, isn't making up some ridiculous story just says he is not having an affair. Talked some more last night, but no decisions made yet as to when he will be going. I still love him, but we can't get over this.

Pepzofio

Who did he get the birthday money from? Is it possible he was sending them a text to show what he had done with the money and thank them? He might not necessarily remember sending it if it was just a thank you text as far as he was concerned...

Or is it possible that it refers to the old phone (ie the one you found it on)? How did he get that phone? For instance did one of your daughters sort it out for him or something...? It just seems a bit odd that he would use the old phone rather than the new phone to send the thank you message, IYKWIM.

Brendaedith

Im hoping by the time you read my post you will have sat your children down and explained that you and their dad are no longer getting on, so have decided to go your own ways. It will be hard for them, but children are not stupid they ve probably been feeling something is wrong for a long time. If you can try to stay amicable( i never managed it, I was too angry), for the sake of the children. My ex and I never spoke for 5 years and my girls felt they had to take my side so lost out a lot on a relationship with their father. The eldest girl no longer speaks to him, but the younger one has come round and I remember her saying I would just like to get married mum where there is no animosity. My ex married the woman he was having an affair with so my girls wont do anything with him as a family. Its a long process you have to go through (it took me 2 years to come to terms with it) but you will emerge a stronger person and in time maybe even forgive him (I did), and I now have a partner who treats me like a queen because I wont take any nonsense off any man. Good luck to you and your family, it will be awkward with his family and your friends, but try not to get them to take sides, in the end his family will take his whatever he has done. Take Care.

1sttimer_2

I know you said you weren't going to post on this thread anymore, but thought I'd write here rather than PM you on your new name which you may not log on to, so that you know you are still in my prayers and thoughts and that you are doing ok.

It's very sad that it has come to this but you know your family, your feelings and I'm sure you will do your best for your family in your situation.

One of the things which I feel is sad is that you said that "I still love him but I know we CANT get over this." If you wanted to, you MAY have been able to get over it but only if you really want to. Only you know what you want to do.

I know you said that he'd done this before and that you forgave him then, but you are choosing not to this time. I said that I had had a similar situation and that I did forgive and stayed with my OH and that I often wondered if I did the right thing in staying, but deep down, I know I've done right. It might have been the easy way out by not confronting anyone with what he'd done as no-one else apart from me, him and the ladies in question. I said it was the easy option, but sometimes it is quite hard to keep it to myself when I'm cross with him, often in unrelating circumstances, as I believe that I would hurt myself more than him. But I have a lot of good things in this marriage which I would lose and I'm more afraid of losing that than him (IYSWIM). The easiest thing to say, but quite the hardest to do is 'Forgive and Forget' Forgiving is easy, but forgetting is quite another thing.

I hope and pray that you have chosen the best for you and your family for your future, and that your friends and his family will still remain friends with you.

God Bless