Practicalities of husband leaving.

DansMum_2

Gosh - just read your thread from start to finish. I can see why you're waiting - it has to be the right time and you'll know when it is. You've got some fantastic advice on here and I have much respect for you and glad you want to do this with dignity.

My Mum did the same when my Dad had an affair. It was'nt the affair that made me feel about him now as I do but his ability to hurt everyone who loved him with only regard for himself and his feelings. We now have no contact for nearly 5 years and he doesnt know the first thing about me. But that was his doing and Mum was always supportive and would tell him what he was doing. I'm sure you'll be as supportive for your daughters at the end of the day he is their father and nothing will change that. I was told the truth, but not the full extent untilI was much older. I didnt lose any respect for Mum.

I hope you'll be happy and the opportunity presents itself at the right time and I wish you all the best x

Steel_2

ailuro2 wrote: »

write down a list of all the horrible things he's done to you, then write down a list of all the nasty things you would like to do or say to him but wouldn't because of the kids.

Hide it really well after and don't let the kids find it!!

needabitofadvice

Ailuro- it's definitely a golf break, our friend is with him!
Cazscoob- Have sent you a PM
Picnicbasket= I so, so hope I can come out of this with the same attitude and manner that you have, you are an inspiration! I know that the responsibility is not all his, just 99% of it!
"And I can still like the flawed but essentially decent man who fathered my children and shared my life for 22 years and be happy for him in his (eventual) happiness, which has really truly minimised the inevitable trauma for three much-loved offspring who know they can place us side-by-side at their weddings in the future.!"
This paragraph on its own shows what a wonderful woman you are, and if I can achieve half of this I'd be happy.
Dansmum, I hope my children will eventually feel like you. Had a lovely day today with my girls. The oldest wants to know if we're having a holiday all together this year( as we often book last minute), and can she have driving lessons for her birthday. i keep trying to brush over both things as I know they won't be happening.

ailuro2

Just wanted you to know we're all still rooting for you!:A

PicnicBasket_2

Yes, absolutely - I do hope you're bearing up in this horrible time for you.

needabitofadvice

Thankyou. Just thought I would post an update,not that there is really anything to report. He came home from his weekend on a real high, ( It was golf, I've seen the photos!) and annoyingly he hasn't managed to annoy me all week. All the things that usually drive me mad have disappeared.... He still hasn't got a clue that I know, and if I'm totally honest, this really hasn't been as hard as I thought. It's on my mind a lot, obviously. I practise the conversations we'll have out loud in the car. We have his dad's 80th this week. That will be sad, knowing that it will never happen as a family event again, meeting up with his sister and nephews. Of course we'll keep in touch, but it won't be the same. I'm going to confront him on Tuesday when we have the evening to ourselves. I'm obviously at an advantage as I've had two weeks to plan what I'm going to say! I've had a look at tax credits etc. I'll get more than I'm on now once it's all sorted, and financially we will manage as long as he is reasonable ( which I have to assume he will be) I don't know what he's going to say.He won't have any choice but to accept that I know the truth, so he can't try to deny it, but I honestly don't know if he'll just accept that he needs to go or whether he'll want to try and make a go of it. ( Which I don't think can happen) I'll keep you all updated, and thanks for all the support.

kimmee

Good luck for the 80th birthday celebrations, I'm sure they will be bittersweet ((hugs)) and really, really hope it goes the way you want it to on Tuesday. I think you've been incredibly brave throughout and you deserve honesty and for him to be honourable when you confront him.

Still thinking of you and sending you & your daughters my very best wishes :grouphug:

needabitofadvice

I'm scared now, it's here. I've held it together for so long, and now the day is here I'm going to pieces. I went shopping last night, tried some clothes on and stood in the changing room and cried, big silent tears as the enormity of all this came crashing round my ears. I was not good in work yesterday, apologies if any of your children happen to be in my class! And now I'm awake at silly o clock. I did sleep, but once I woke up there was no point trying to get back to sleep. The weekend was good, I'm going to miss those family times. More than I'll miss him, I think. I have accepted more now that our friends and family, apart from the daughters, will cope. My mum will want the best for me, and his mum and dad are both elderly and see us all together very little these days, that it actually won't make much difference to them. Once it's all out in the open I probably will be able to get through each day, just got today to get through. He actually asked me yesterday if I wanted to go on a work day out on Sat, first time he's asked me that for years! And he's marked our anniversary on the calendar and written 'meal out' by it....I don't think so! I may not be on for a while now, but just wanted to thank you all for your help over the last two weeks, it's been invaluable.

Millie's_Mum

OP Just had to pop on to say the best of luck (? its not luck really is it) for today, I hope it goes as well as it can for you. I think you are amazing to have kept it together for so long. Just today to get through now.

AlwaysWorking

OP I just wanted to let you know I'll be thinking of you today. I hope it is as painless as possible under the circumstances. You have been very brave and dignified. Take care, xxx.