can my partners ex stop me being alone with their kids?

Bubby

maggied wrote: »

Totally agree with what you've said above....but the last sentence encapsulates most of these 'separated family' threads for me.

Just because someone is a crappy partner does not mean they are a crappy parent. They were good enough for you to create a child with so they should be good enough to make decisions about parenting them.

The rest, as I said before, is all about adult egos and knack all to do with childrens' feelings.

I do agree with you:D, however it cannot have been very good for the children to be playing happy families at christmas. Obviously they won't realise what happened between theri parents but they are only 8 and many children would love to "request" their seperated parents become a family again and this must have been very confusing for them. That doesn't mean that they can't be amicable and even friends but continuing to behave like a "family" with sleepovers imo isn't good for the children.

sulkisu

jenner wrote: »

i havent read the rest of the thread yet so I dont know if others have answered you already, but as a lawyer you will also know that if the father has PR then he has the right to care for the children whilst they are in his care as he sees fit as long as it does not put the chldren at risk. it would appear that the ex is not making any allegations of a cp nature toward the OP and if that is the case then its father's right to decide who cares for his children when they are in his care, that is the law and its very straightforward, hence why mother will be viewed dimley if she does raise the 'moral' argument in court (not that there is one)

as for saying that she has only known her partner for 19 months and in the lives of the children for 6 months, this has nothing to do with the law but even if it did, how long a period would you consider ok until the children stay with her? what about if dad found a baby sitter that the children didnt know, who was just a neighbour, that they ahd met a few times? would this mean he couldnt employ a child minder for example if the children didnt know them?

there are lots of arguments for how to introduce children into the lives of their parent's new partners, obviously these things need to be done carefully but that isnt the point here, the point is that the father has just as much right to decide who cares for his children as much as the mother and its not based on what the ex thinks or moral superiority its based on pr

Fair enough, but you really need to read the whole of this thread before posting your response. I addressed the points that you have raised in my second post (51), explaining as clearly as I could why I felt the way that I did. I stand by it. At no point did I suggest that this was a legal issue - and of course the father has as much right as the mother to decide who a child sees and spends time with. However introducing a child to a childminder or even introducing a child to a new partner, is not the same as having a partner adopt a parental role in the child's life. With a small child, whose parents have (relatively)recently separated, and who is still getting used to the new situation, I personally do not think that 6 months is a long time for her to be taking on that 'new mum' role with the child. Although I don't think it is too soon for her to be introduced to them or spending time getting to know them. Especially when you see from the other thread that the children understanably had difficulties with their parents separation and that there were serious problems in OP's relationship with her partner. If, having read everything, you stilll disagree with me, fine. But you are asking questions and raising issues that I have already answered. Similarly, I strongly suggest that you read the other 'christmas' thread (the whole thread) before commenting on posts left by others who have read both threads. It gives a completely different spin on the story and might even change your position. Even if it doesn't, at least your opinion will be an informed one .

Pollycat

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

I have been entirely truthful (although I did not mention the falling out at Christmas as I did not feel it was relevent to the question I was asking as the situation was resolved) and the advice I have received on here has been fantastic and great, as always! It is always nice to get someone elses opinion. Im not the sort of person to wash my dirty linen in public, so an anonymous internet forum is by far the best way of getting advice without the playground gossips having a field day! I have spoken to my best friend and sought her advice though, as she has been in a similar situation and we both know that what is discussed between us will go no further.

Not relevant?

You've gone on about your partner's ex wife who's being difficult about you seeing the children alone and is 'jealous' of you spending time with the kids (according to you) - and you didn't think it was relevant to mention that your current partner cheated on his wife with you and then cheated on you with her?

Not relevant?
What planet are you on?

ailuro2

Are you sure he was in the pub, and not 'visiting' his 'ex'?:p;)

I think it's a bit early for it all to be resolved, lapses in trust will take more than just a few months to be completely put to bed (pardon the pun:o) Especially when he slept with the mother of his children, it's obviously a bond that wasn't broken overnight.

If me and my DH divorced (because we very rarely go out together as a couple) if he was to hand our DD over to be looked after by his new 'bit of stuff' while he went off to the pub I'm sure I'd not be very happy at all. Even if they were in bed and it was just a couple of hours.

Hope you get it all resolved, bargainhunter.

fwiw I stand by what I said in my first post, even before I read she still seems to be emotionally attached to her husband, she's peed off cos he's going to the pub when he's meant to be looking after 'his' kids... if he doesn't want to look after them because it's a mate's birthday he should arrange a different date for access beforehand.

p.s. I tend to put 'marks' around words I want to emphasise, please forgive my bad grammar.:o


Good Luck, hope you get it all sorted out to the benefit of the kids.:)

maggied_2

Bubby wrote: »

I do agree with you:D, however it cannot have been very good for the children to be playing happy families at christmas. Obviously they won't realise what happened between theri parents but they are only 8 and many children would love to "request" their seperated parents become a family again and this must have been very confusing for them. That doesn't mean that they can't be amicable and even friends but continuing to behave like a "family" with sleepovers imo isn't good for the children.

Not disagreeing with that at all - that should never have happened. However again I would lay the blame squarely at the OP's OH's feet.

ailuro2 wrote: »

Are you sure he was in the pub, and not 'visiting' his 'ex'?:p;)

I think it's a bit early for it all to be resolved, lapses in trust will take more than just a few months to be completely put to bed (pardon the pun:o) Especially when he slept with the mother of his children, it's obviously a bond that wasn't broken overnight.

If me and my DH divorced (because we very rarely go out together as a couple) if he was to hand our DD over to be looked after by his new 'bit of stuff' while he went off to the pub I'm sure I'd not be very happy at all. Even if they were in bed and it was just a couple of hours.

Thing is, technically it wouldn't matter whether you liked it or not. I'm not saying that is right but the bare facts are that because the father has PR for the children he IS allowed to make decisions about who looks after them while they're in his care. Same as the mother is. This is obviously a rather convoluted sitation but to strip it back that is what the OP wanted to know.

Hope you get it all resolved, bargainhunter.

fwiw I stand by what I said in my first post, even before I read she still seems to be emotionally attached to her husband, she's peed off cos he's going to the pub when he's meant to be looking after 'his' kids... if he doesn't want to look after them because it's a mate's birthday he should arrange a different date for access beforehand.

And then what would he get? X wants to go to the pub instead of seeing his children what a **** etc.....He is allowed to get a babysitter, simple as that.

p.s. I tend to put 'marks' around words I want to emphasise, please forgive my bad grammar.:o


Good Luck, hope you get it all sorted out to the benefit of the kids.:)

.............

slightlyconfused1

Whilst there is nothing the partners ex-wife can do legally to stop the op being left alone with her children surely she has a right, morally, to request that her children not be left alone with someone she finds "creepy" and does not trust, as does the children's father if and when the roles were reversed. In her position I would ask that the days the children see their father be flexible to accomodate irregular events such as weddings etc.

As this relationship between the OP and the children's father has been very unstable and they have already split up once this year, I think it is only natural that the children's mother would be very uneasy if her children were to form a close bond with someone who may not be on the scene forever. The father has already shown that he has no intention of being faithfull - cheated on his wife and on his girlfriend. The children need stability at this time.

The OP states that she is a mother of 2 yet her children are never mentioned. Where are they when she is looking after this man's children? Do they get on well together or are they somewhere else during those times? It seems like a lot of the OP's time is focused on the boyfriend and his children, picking them up after school babysitting bbq's etc yet no mention of all 4 children being together.

BARGAINHUNTER!

post deleted

clearing_out_my_pockets

Bargainhunter - there are a couple of points where you're differing from your original thread:

You say in your OP that you've been seeing his children for six months. Your previous thread says since last July.

In this thread you say that your boyfriend puts the children to bed and then goes out. In the other thread (in January; i.e. months before his children knew you were his girlfriend) you said that you took them home from a party and put them to bed.

Notwithstanding the above, it's clear that christmas is affecting your boyfriend's ex more than you realised. Out of interest, how much of your 19 month relationship overlapped with their marriage?