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can my partners ex stop me being alone with their kids?

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  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,152 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    joeblack066 wrote: »
    I feel I need to answer this post from my perspective. Many years ago my husband left me for a family friend, at the time my sons were 8, 7 and 4. I was devastated, and it took me many years to get over it. However, I realised early on that to try to deny my sons' relationship with this woman was only going to make them suffer. There is a particular moment that I remember, after the boys had been to visit their dad, and of course she had been there too, and they were being very quiet, hardly talking about their weekend. I sat them down, and told them that it was ok to like her, that it wasnt a betrayal of me, and that they could talk about their weekned if they wanted too. They were so relieved, started chatting away. It nearly killed me emotionally to do it at the time, but my feelings were not the important ones; theirs were.
    Over the years, they made up their own minds about her, and the relationship that they have with her now is that she'd Dad's wife, and thats it. But they have all told me how important it was to them that I had never tried to influence or damage their relationship with her.
    In essence, the OP's ex is not thinking of her children at all, she is nursing her own hurt, and whilst that may be understandable, is very unfair on the kids.
    I would recommend Mediation, or the new Family Counselling that many solicitors offer. She needs to see that she is being unreasonable.

    I did the same with my children.. these 'new' people are part of the childrens life regardless of how the ex feels about the situation.

    I said they do not want to be their new mum/dad and it is fine to like them.. in fact it makes life easier for everyone :D.. they can be their friend if they want them to be.. we all need a friend now and then.

    they have been so much better since then.. I just hope one day KH does the same for the children.
    LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14
    Hope to be debt free until the day I die
    Mortgage-free Wannabee (05/08/30)
    6/6/14 £72,454.65 (5.65% int.)
    08/12/2023 £33602.00 (4.81% int.)
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 10:40PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 10:41PM
    [post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 10:41PM
    [post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 10:41PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • Soubrette
    Soubrette Posts: 4,118 Forumite
    BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »
    I have told the truth and have not lied at all. And I appreciate everyones advice (good and bad!) thats why I posted!

    That was more a comment on whether any of the advice here is worthwhile rather than on whether you are honest or not, only you know how truthful you've been and so only you really know how worthwhile the advice is.

    Sou
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 10:42PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 10:42PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • xmaslolly76
    xmaslolly76 Posts: 3,974 Forumite
    This is one of those situations where the mother has to be reasonable there will be times when the father has to be away from the children for one reason or another and as long as there is no threat or risk to the children then i cant see how leaving the children with the OP would be a problem.

    There was an occasion where i had to step in and stop my children from spending time with ex's partner but then she was a complete psyco with a history of mental health problems, thankfully they are no longer together and his new partner is lovely and is best of friends with my children.

    To be honest OP short of stopping contact altogether i think there is very little she can do. Just bide your time and maybe stick to her wishes for a short time to show that she can trust you but obviously if you are going to be having them on your own for a time then get your OH to let her know in advance.
    :jFriends are like fabric you can never have enough:j
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,917 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »
    I have impeccable references and have been CRB checked as I help out at a cub group and take them away camping!

    So why does your partner's ex think this:
    apparently she does not trust me and finds me 'creepy'

    Given the incident that happened at Christmas (which must have placed a massive strain on all 3 of you), could it be that you've been less than pleasant with her?
    And maybe THAT's why she's behaving as she is.
    Or did your partner lead her to believe that he wanted to give their relationship another go?
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