can my partners ex stop me being alone with their kids?

Fang_3

Soubrette wrote: »

What happens if you are actually a couple, married, two kids below the age of 5 and you want to go out. No family so you would have to rely on babysitters.

You don't go out because 'you put the children first' and 5 years down the line you are divorced because your whole life was spent revolving around the children while you and your partner grew apart.

Best for the children?

Sou

I would have thought that was simple. You get professional babysitters who you thoroughly check out and who have impeccable references. Really, if you don't have the intelligence to work that out then you shouldn't be allowed to breed.

Soubrette

Fang wrote: »

I would have thought that was simple. You get professional babysitters who you thoroughly check out and who have impeccable references. Really, if you don't have the intelligence to work that out then you shouldn't be allowed to breed.

Professional babysitters? Someone who has nothing to do with the child, has never met the child and probably you only the once and you are taking someone else's word for it - someone else who you've probably never met at all :eek::eek::eek:

yeah simple - what a wally you are :cool:

Please tell me you never intend to have kids.

Sou

Fang_3

Soubrette wrote: »

Professional babysitters? Someone who has nothing to do with the child, has never met the child and probably you only the once and you are taking someone else's word for it - someone else who you've probably never met at all :eek::eek::eek:

yeah simple - what a wally you are :cool:

Please tell me you never intend to have kids.

Sou

Oh you're one of those people.:( If you had a modicum of intelligence you would be aware that the vast majority of child abuse is done by those people known to the family, and therefore it would be in the child's best interest to thoroughly vet a professional agency to care for their child if there were no other alternatives. I'm a great believer in stopping stupid people from breeding, obviously you'd be against that.:)

Soubrette

Fang wrote: »

Oh you're one of those people.:( If you had a modicum of intelligence you would be aware that the vast majority of child abuse is done by those people known to the family, and therefore it would be in the child's best interest to thoroughly vet a professional agency to care for their child if there were no other alternatives. I'm a great believer in stopping stupid people from breeding, obviously you'd be against that.:)

No, that's why I don't think you should breed

You are one of those people - very opinionated but with very little experience of practicalities

You have little care about whether you upset people and don't stop even when they have pointed out the fact you are upsetting them.

I'm afraid Fang that you are the second person I have ever had to put on ignore in the time I've been on this board because I just can't bear to read your utter trash which appears to have the intension of upsetting people.

I note your oily obsequiousness when you want an answer to your problems though.

Ugghhhhh

Sou

Edited to add, I meant to say also that this posts utterly contradicts your original post about not letting the OP babysit has she means nothing to the children - like a professional babysitter perhaps *rolleyes*. This just reinforces my belief that you just post to be nasty.

maggied_2

Oh come on Fang!! So if you have children you will pledge to never leave their sides - until what age? You'll never use a childminder or nursery so you can go out to work? You'll miss every night out, wedding, birthday, celebration that your children aren't invited to until they are 18?

Soubrette doesn't need me defending her but I will anyway - her posts are some of the most thoughtful and intelligent on here and to say that she is stupid because she doesn't agree with you is making you look naive instead.

Just another wee stat for you - 30% of sexual abuse is carried out by family members....so better make sure there's none of those involved either.

Soubrette

maggied wrote: »

Oh come on Fang!! So if you have children you will pledge to never leave their sides - until what age? You'll never use a childminder or nursery so you can go out to work? You'll miss every night out, wedding, birthday, celebration that your children aren't invited to until they are 18?

Soubrette doesn't need me defending her but I will anyway - her posts are some of the most thoughtful and intelligent on here and to say that she is stupid because she doesn't agree with you is making you look naive instead.

Just another wee stat for you - 30% of sexual abuse is carried out by family members....so better make sure there's none of those involved either.

You don't need to but it's a nice thought

I can't bear people who are just horrible because....well they want to be. Fang is such a person in my experience. Can't be bothered with them, Fang is obviously posting to get a rise out of people and doesn't care how hurtful or condescending or downright obtuse they appear *shrug*

It's like posting with a troll - no point unless there is at least some fun in it

Sou

bylromarha

Fang wrote: »

I would have thought that was simple. You get professional babysitters who you thoroughly check out and who have impeccable references. Really, if you don't have the intelligence to work that out then you shouldn't be allowed to breed.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Aw bless, how lovely those rose tinted specs must be.

joeblack066

I feel I need to answer this post from my perspective. Many years ago my husband left me for a family friend, at the time my sons were 8, 7 and 4. I was devastated, and it took me many years to get over it. However, I realised early on that to try to deny my sons' relationship with this woman was only going to make them suffer. There is a particular moment that I remember, after the boys had been to visit their dad, and of course she had been there too, and they were being very quiet, hardly talking about their weekend. I sat them down, and told them that it was ok to like her, that it wasnt a betrayal of me, and that they could talk about their weekned if they wanted too. They were so relieved, started chatting away. It nearly killed me emotionally to do it at the time, but my feelings were not the important ones; theirs were.
Over the years, they made up their own minds about her, and the relationship that they have with her now is that she'd Dad's wife, and thats it. But they have all told me how important it was to them that I had never tried to influence or damage their relationship with her.
In essence, the OP's ex is not thinking of her children at all, she is nursing her own hurt, and whilst that may be understandable, is very unfair on the kids.
I would recommend Mediation, or the new Family Counselling that many solicitors offer. She needs to see that she is being unreasonable.

Fang_3

maggied wrote: »

Oh come on Fang!! So if you have children you will pledge to never leave their sides - until what age? You'll never use a childminder or nursery so you can go out to work? You'll miss every night out, wedding, birthday, celebration that your children aren't invited to until they are 18?

Soubrette doesn't need me defending her but I will anyway - her posts are some of the most thoughtful and intelligent on here and to say that she is stupid because she doesn't agree with you is making you look naive instead.

Just another wee stat for you - 30% of sexual abuse is carried out by family members....so better make sure there's none of those involved either.

I'm pretty sure that I am shouting the virtues of professional childcare in absence of a trusted adult, so should I ever have a child, then I would use them. What I wouldn't do is allow them to be left with someone who I don't trust completely, and who may have ulterior motives. Such as the OP. I'm not saying that she's dangerous, but what I am saying is that she is clearly not in the stable relationship that she thinks she's in, and if I were the other parent in that situation then I wouldn't feel safe with my children being with her. Especially as she seems to think of the children as commodities to be used in a power game.

As for Soubrette putting me on ignore, are you unable to just do something without attention seeking?

sulkisu

I was also in the process of posting a response, mainly in reply to the points that Soubrette raised about my first post, but also to offer advice to the OP....until I read the other thread.

What I was trying to say in my first post was that the OP should not dismiss the ex-wife's concerns as merely being the actions of a jealous woman. There may have been more to the story. There clearly was more to it, I just didn't know that the OP was part of it. The other point that I raised was about the relationship being relatively new and OP playing a significant role in the childrens' lives. Soubrette quite rightly said that people spend less time choosing a childminder. However, the reason that I felt that it was a relatively short time, was due to the ages of the children and the fact that their parents were divorced. The impact/implications of the relationship between small children and their childminder will be significantly different to the impact of the relationship between those same children and their 'new' mum or dad. Especially as it appears (from the other thread) that the children were still dealing with the reality of the divorce (although admittedly I was unaware of this at the time). I say 'new mum' because picking children up from school regularly, taking them to your home and looking after them in the father's absence, is a very motherly thing to do - especially in the eyes of a child.
By itself, the length of the relationship (i.e. the number of months or years) is not necessarily important, it's all of the other facts that go with it.

Likewise, leaving the children alone with a partner, taken by itself is not necessarily a bad thing. It is the circumstances surrounding it (when, why, how long for, how often, etc,) that make the difference.

I don't believe that I contradicted myself when I asked why OP and her partner were not living together - it was a valid question. OP said that they were committed to each other, spent most of their time at each others homes and were virtually living together anyway. In view of this, I just wondered why they were not actuallynliving together and I did wonder if it was because the relationship was not quite as committed and strong as OP suggested. In which case, getting too close to the children (taking on that 'mother' role) might not have been a good idea under the circumstances. Having read the other thread, this is clearly a complicated situation, and OP might do well to heed this advice. Not for the ex-wife's sake but the children.

As I am not really sure what the real story is, I am now going to bow out of this thread.

OP - I do hope that you manage to resolve this one way or the other, whatever the truth may be.