can my partners ex stop me being alone with their kids?

BARGAINHUNTER!

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ailuro2

I'd suspect it has more to do with Dad going off to the pub while he's meant to be looking after 'his' kids.

you can't change the woman's opinion of you, so not much you can do about that.

maggied_2

I'm going through the same thing with my OH's demented ex at the moment - I'll be interested in what people have to say.

Ailuro2 - do mothers have to spend all their time with 'their' (why the ' '?) children or are they allowed to use a babysitter? Are couples allowed to use babysitters? Right, but just not single dads eh?

I personally believe that this is about control and I hear it a lot. I wonder if mothers would feel the same about having the same sanctions placed on them, and their parenting style, by their exes.

Pollycat

Do you know what strikes me about your post?
You've not mentioned anywhere what your partner's opinions are.
It sounds to me that you're getting involved in something that should be agreed between the 2 parents.

I agree with ailuro2, can't your partner go to the pub on the 4 days he doesn't have his children?

Have you (rather than your partner) spoken to her about this?
That may be why she is setting conditions, she probably sees you as interfering.

I'd be careful about YOU pushing this as the Mum may decide to make things very difficult.

BARGAINHUNTER!

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BARGAINHUNTER!

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maggied_2

Pollycat wrote: »

Do you know what strikes me about your post?
You've not mentioned anywhere what your partner's opinions are.
It sounds to me that you're getting involved in something that should be agreed between the 2 parents.

I agree with ailuro2, can't your partner go to the pub on the 4 days he doesn't have his children?

I understand this point of view - but - I'll ask again, does the mother never, ever go out when she has her children? Life doesn't always work like this - OH has missed lots of social occasions due to having his DD but has arranged babysitters for where other people's lives don't match up to an access schedule; weddings, christenings, family meals etc. I don't believe you have to stay in for the rest of your life if you have children. He's going out after the children are in bed so I don't really see the harm in this unless it's a very regular thing.

Have you (rather than your partner) spoken to her about this?
That may be why she is setting conditions, she probably sees you as interfering.

I'd be careful about YOU pushing this as the Mum may decide to make things very difficult.

This part I will agree with - I stay out of all rows (and they are invariably rows rather than adult discussions ) between OH and his X - really not worth it! Plus in my situation the X sees nothing wrong in putting her DD in the middle meaning ultimately it's only her who suffers anyway. Whilst legally I believe she can't stop this it may put the children in the middle. I have been sl*gged off so much by the X to her DD that she feels guilty about having a good time at ours and acatually invents stories about bad things I've done to tell her mum when she goes home which is heartbreaking. Tread carefully.

...........

Sorry, cross posted with you BH.

BARGAINHUNTER!

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tanith

Its not an easy situation for anyone and emotions about ones children being looked after by a 'new' girlfriend are bound to be high. How would you feel in her place if she were to be looking after your children? she doesn't know you and honestly would you be happy to let someone you don't know look after your children?... You are probably perfectly trustworthy but she doesn't know that for certain . She may just be being awkward but give her the benefit of the doubt and go along with what she wants for now until some trust is built up maybe then she will get more used to the idea and not be so obstructive..

SmellyOldSock

i've been where you are now, and am now in the situation of being 'ex partner' of my childrens father.

I met with the childrens mother, at her request, fair enough as i was spending time with her children. We ended up on quite good terms.

Im now 'the ex partner'. My children stay at there dads once a week, and i personally would expect him to be there with them, whether they are in bed or not. I woudn't not have a problem with his new girlfriend being around and spending time with them.

Has your partners ex got a new partner? just wondering whether she would be the same about her fella with her children!

She may feel you're trying to be 'mum' to her children.

I don't think she can stop you. She has voiced her opinion, and trying to control you both.

Soubrette

tanith wrote: »

Its not an easy situation for anyone and emotions about ones children being looked after by a 'new' girlfriend are bound to be high. How would you feel in her place if she were to be looking after your children? she doesn't know you and honestly would you be happy to let someone you don't know look after your children?... You are probably perfectly trustworthy but she doesn't know that for certain . She may just be being awkward but give her the benefit of the doubt and go along with what she wants for now until some trust is built up maybe then she will get more used to the idea and not be so obstructive..

I actually wouldn't (I'm a PWC btw), yes it's hard but I've paid babysitters who have not had a 6 month relationship with my children just on the basis that I like and trust their parents. I didn't realise that was so unusual actually

I would listen to her concerns (and think hard about them) but if I decided they had no merit then I would carry on being the parent that I am - not the parent that the PWC wants or expects me to be.

If she did start to muck about with access then I'd be issuing solicitor letters and if I had to, I would go to court.

Sou