can my partners ex stop me being alone with their kids?

GEEGEE8

I think dad should be more selective over what he tells mum.. especially if her reaction is to lash out at you.

What a shame she is like this, sounds like to kids are happy with everything and just mum is the one who's causing problems.

BARGAINHUNTER!

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sulkisu

I suppose the question is would your partner be happy if his ex left the children with her new boyfriend while she went out? Or if her boyfriend collected the kids from school and looked after them in her absence?

To be honest, it all sounds too quick to me. You have only known the children for six months and have been with your partenr for 19 months, which in terms of playing a significant role in a child's life is not that long at all. Others have suggested that if you go to court, his ex will look stupid and your partner will win. Speaking as a lawyer, I have to say, don't be so sure. I know that describe your relationship as a committed one, but (and please don't take this the wrong way) you are actually just his girlfriend. She may be game playing, but then again she may have genuine concerns (I don't have children, but I suspect that many parents would be non too happy if their ex partners did the pub thing - whatever the cause for celebration) and I am concerned that you seem to dismiss these as the actions of a jealous ex who has not moved on. You want to live together one day, why not do that now? This will at least demonstrate a degree of commitment on both of you and if it went to court, I suspect it will be the first question a lawyer would ask.

I don't think that she can say you must never ever be alone with them from now until doomsday, but with a relatively new relationship I think that she is entitled. Why not slow down and give it more time?

BARGAINHUNTER!

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Soubrette

sulkisu wrote: »

I suppose the question is would your partner be happy if his ex left the children with her new boyfriend while she went out? Or if her boyfriend collected the kids from school and looked after them in her absence?

This is irrelevant tbh - there are lots of NRPs who are equally over possessive about their ex and their lives. What is relevant is what would a reasonable person believe. In this instance the NRP has been with his partner for 19 months, and she has known the children for 6 months - this is not the definition of a new girl or boyfriend in my mind. Is it likely to be to a court?

To be honest, it all sounds too quick to me. You have only known the children for six months and have been with your partenr for 19 months, which in terms of playing a significant role in a child's life is not that long at all.

I'm surprised it sounds too quick to you - for example, many people interview child minders and make a choice well within 19 months of getting to know them. Child minders play a very significant role in a child's life.

Others have suggested that if you go to court, his ex will look stupid and your partner will win. Speaking as a lawyer, I have to say, don't be so sure. I know that describe your relationship as a committed one, but (and please don't take this the wrong way) you are actually just his girlfriend.

I don't know about looking stupid but the PWC will have to come up with some specific reasons as to why access by the children to their Dad will need to be curtailed. As I have pointed out, most PWCs go out and leave their children with babysitters on occasion, most couples go out and do the same, is it reasonable to expect an NRP not to be allowed to do this? The court will decide whether it is damaging to the children to continue with the relationship not whether the mum feels uncomfortable about it.

She may be game playing, but then again she may have genuine concerns (I don't have children, but I suspect that many parents would be non too happy if their ex partners did the pub thing - whatever the cause for celebration) and I am concerned that you seem to dismiss these as the actions of a jealous ex who has not moved on.

Sometimes Dads are allowed a night off too and sometimes things will fall into their parenting time:p In 6 months this has happened twice - is this reasonable? Conversely is it unreasonable to expect that that a person spends all the time they are the responsible parent with their children or that the PWC has the power to dictate who the children will be left with when both parents presumably have parental rights.

You want to live together one day, why not do that now? This will at least demonstrate a degree of commitment on both of you and if it went to court, I suspect it will be the first question a lawyer would ask.

This is contradictory. do you think they are moving too fast or too slow?

I don't think that she can say you must never ever be alone with them from now until doomsday, but with a relatively new relationship I think that she is entitled. Why not slow down and give it more time?

The PWC is certainly entitled to ask but she is not entitled to get

With regards to court - I would only take that option if access were being denied, I would try and keep the lines of communication open but I would be insistent that I am as entitled as the PWC to make parental decisions when the children are in my care.

However I would also not allow my partner to get stuck in the middle - I would deal with the PWC and make it clear that I was making the decision.

Sou

emsywoo123

OP, I was going to post on this thread, then I recognised your username-I supported you a great deal on a thread back in January, where you in fact split up with this partner, as he slept with his wife at Xmas. You said how pleased you were to be rid of him, and asked where you could find a decent bloke.:eek:
The facts you gave on that thread do not match the facts you have given here, so therefore I do not know what to believe and feel there is no value in offering my opinion as I would not know which version of events to base it on!

January20

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

My partner was very happy to leave the children with me whilst he went to the pub on the two occasions mentioned, which was to attend birthday celebrations for his friends. He went later than the others, making sure that he put the children to bed first and only stayed two hours on each occasion. My partner is very keen that I build up a relationship with his children, as am I. On the occasions when I have taken the children to the shops this has been them asking to go with me, and after checking with Dad that this was ok we went. Dad occasionally needs to work a bit later on the day he is supposed to pick the kids up from school and have them stay over at his, so it was suggested by him to me that I might be able to pick them up from school on these rare occasions, take them to my house for an hour until Dad arrived back from work. Then they would either leave to go to his house or all stay and have tea with me. i agreed that this would work as far as I was concerned and DAd spoke to the children asking them if it would be ok and if they were happy with it. Both said yes.

But did he speak to their mother first? My ex used to drive me crazy doing that: he and his wife would decide something, ask my daughter and then it was "fait accompli", whatever I thought didn't matter as it was obvious they had made the decision and I was expected to fall in line, otherwise if I said no to something my dd had agreed to, I was the bad guy. (This included things like picking up and dropping off time or holiday arrangements).

Your partner should speak to the mum first (even if he's discussed it with you) and then say that he will check with you, then after that the children so that the mum doesn't feel she is insignificant. They are her children after all!

Soubrette

emsywoo123 wrote: »

OP, I was going to post on this thread, then I recognised your username-I supported you a great deal on a thread back in January, where you in fact split up with this partner, as he slept with his wife at Xmas. You said how pleased you were to be rid of him, and asked where you could find a decent bloke.:eek:
The facts you gave on that thread do not match the facts you have given here, so therefore I do not know what to believe and feel there is no value in offering my opinion as I would not know which version of events to base it on!

I have to admit, I always try and take a poster's words at face value (far too much "making up of the other side of the story" goes on imo) but if the OP is not telling the truth (as honestly as possible) then any advice given is worthless.

Sou

maggied_2

emsywoo123 wrote: »

OP, I was going to post on this thread, then I recognised your username-I supported you a great deal on a thread back in January, where you in fact split up with this partner, as he slept with his wife at Xmas. You said how pleased you were to be rid of him, and asked where you could find a decent bloke.:eek:
The facts you gave on that thread do not match the facts you have given here, so therefore I do not know what to believe and feel there is no value in offering my opinion as I would not know which version of events to base it on!

Ah.....then I think it's safe to know exactly what's going on here!

OP - legally X cannot stop you. Just make sure you do everything through the correct channels and let your OH do the negotiating with the X. I can see a lot of egos and hurt feelings worsening an already difficult situation.

Fang_3

Yes she can and should. If their 'Dad' is happy to leave his children with a relative stranger to them because he can't stay away from the pub then she should be the responsible one and protect her children. You are not anything to these children, and you need to be reminded of that.