can my partners ex stop me being alone with their kids?

Mely

Pollycat wrote: »

So why does your partner's ex think this:


Given the incident that happened at Christmas (which must have placed a massive strain on all 3 of you), could it be that you've been less than pleasant with her?
And maybe THAT's why she's behaving as she is.
Or did your partner lead her to believe that he wanted to give their relationship another go?

Polly... you have hit the nail on the head with that post. What happened last Christmas probably has a lot to do with how the situation is now.
Op i think you need to think about this.

maggied_2

Mely wrote: »

Polly... you have hit the nail on the head with that post. What happened last Christmas probably has a lot to do with how the situation is now.
Op i think you need to think about this.

Of course it is! OH somewhere between a spineless, cheating b*stard and a confused man who made a mistake (only OP knows where he is on this scale ) and two women smarting like hell!

The OH is the one who needs to take control of the situtation.

Not saying you don't get an opinion on it OP (I'm a step mum myself) but actual arrangements should be down to your OH. Hope you get it all sorted out.

Mankysteve

Soubrette wrote: »

What happens if you are actually a couple, married, two kids below the age of 5 and you want to go out. No family so you would have to rely on babysitters.

You don't go out because 'you put the children first' and 5 years down the line you are divorced because your whole life was spent revolving around the children while you and your partner grew apart.

Best for the children?

Sou

My parents never really went out at all, when we're young and still don't really but there very much happily married for over 25 years.

Bubby

Oh dear OP I have just finished reading your previous thread about what happened at christmas:(

This is why she finds you "creepy", it seemed like they were all set to get back together. Did you give him the space everyone suggested or did you keep being "nice" in order to seem more appealing than his ex?

I would walk away from this man and never look back. It is one thing to enter into a relationship with a married man (and I do NOT judge you for this) but another thing entirely to stay with a man who has cheated on you and then dumped you and obviously finds it difficult to upset his ex. Horrible situation for the children to be in aswell, walk away, if she went to a solicitor with all of this information then she may well be able to ask for you to be excluded from all contact with the children (due to xmas etc)

sulkisu

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

This is one of those situations where the mother has to be reasonable...

Eventually yes, and I suspect that the wife knows this. However, remember that OP started off as 'the other woman'. Many wives (or husbands) would find it difficult to be reasonable towards the person that their spouse had an affair with, and then left them for (even if they were already having marital problems). Also as OP's relationship ended in January (OH dumped OP by text) perhaps the wife does not view this as the strong committed relationship that OP describes and does not want her children (who were already affected by their marriage break-up) to get too close to OP, just in case it doesn't last. It's just a thought. It should get easier with time and once they are divorced.

maggied_2

Bubby wrote: »

Oh dear OP I have just finished reading your previous thread about what happened at christmas:(

This is why she finds you "creepy", it seemed like they were all set to get back together. Did you give him the space everyone suggested or did you keep being "nice" in order to seem more appealing than his ex?

I would walk away from this man and never look back. It is one thing to enter into a relationship with a married man (and I do NOT judge you for this) but another thing entirely to stay with a man who has cheated on you and then dumped you and obviously finds it difficult to upset his ex. Horrible situation for the children to be in aswell, walk away, if she went to a solicitor with all of this information then she may well be able to ask for you to be excluded from all contact with the children (due to xmas etc)

I'm not sure about that one - you have to show the children are at harm.

"I don't want her near my children because my husband slept with her behind my back and then I slept with him behind her back".

Emotionally it's hideous but I don't know how that might stand up legally.

Because of what has happened this guy is going to be eating sh*t for several years to come....

puddy

sulkisu wrote: »

I suppose the question is would your partner be happy if his ex left the children with her new boyfriend while she went out? Or if her boyfriend collected the kids from school and looked after them in her absence?

To be honest, it all sounds too quick to me. You have only known the children for six months and have been with your partenr for 19 months, which in terms of playing a significant role in a child's life is not that long at all. Others have suggested that if you go to court, his ex will look stupid and your partner will win. Speaking as a lawyer, I have to say, don't be so sure. I know that describe your relationship as a committed one, but (and please don't take this the wrong way) you are actually just his girlfriend. She may be game playing, but then again she may have genuine concerns (I don't have children, but I suspect that many parents would be non too happy if their ex partners did the pub thing - whatever the cause for celebration) and I am concerned that you seem to dismiss these as the actions of a jealous ex who has not moved on. You want to live together one day, why not do that now? This will at least demonstrate a degree of commitment on both of you and if it went to court, I suspect it will be the first question a lawyer would ask.

I don't think that she can say you must never ever be alone with them from now until doomsday, but with a relatively new relationship I think that she is entitled. Why not slow down and give it more time?

i havent read the rest of the thread yet so I dont know if others have answered you already, but as a lawyer you will also know that if the father has PR then he has the right to care for the children whilst they are in his care as he sees fit as long as it does not put the chldren at risk. it would appear that the ex is not making any allegations of a cp nature toward the OP and if that is the case then its father's right to decide who cares for his children when they are in his care, that is the law and its very straightforward, hence why mother will be viewed dimley if she does raise the 'moral' argument in court (not that there is one)

as for saying that she has only known her partner for 19 months and in the lives of the children for 6 months, this has nothing to do with the law but even if it did, how long a period would you consider ok until the children stay with her? what about if dad found a baby sitter that the children didnt know, who was just a neighbour, that they ahd met a few times? would this mean he couldnt employ a child minder for example if the children didnt know them?

there are lots of arguments for how to introduce children into the lives of their parent's new partners, obviously these things need to be done carefully but that isnt the point here, the point is that the father has just as much right to decide who cares for his children as much as the mother and its not based on what the ex thinks or moral superiority its based on pr

Bubby

maggied wrote: »

I'm not sure about that one - you have to show the children are at harm. Not always, you can insist that they only see her for short periods of time until the relationship is "stable" due to the problems they had at xmas this may not be in the childrens best interests to build a relationship with her. These are not my views just experience when it comes to marriage break ups and access.

"I don't want her near my children because my husband slept with her behind my back and then I slept with him behind her back".

Emotionally it's hideous but I don't know how that might stand up legally.

Because of whata has happened this guy is going to be eating sh*t for several years to come....

This guy is a complete loser, he has messed up his marriage then proceeded to mess around with his wife's emotions for a second time but this time hurt 2 women.

How many people that have split up spend time overnight together? and even those rare cases, would you really believe they slept in their ex's bed because of a room being cluttered with presents??
OP - I think you have allowed this man back into your life because you have no self confidence, he has slept with someone else behind your back then dumped you by text!:eek: He is a poor excuse for a man and I can see why the ex is not happy with him

maggied_2

Bubby wrote: »

This guy is a complete loser, he has messed up his marriage then proceeded to mess around with his wife's emotions for a second time but this time hurt 2 women.

How many people that have split up spend time overnight together? and even those rare cases, would you really believe they slept in their ex's bed because of a room being cluttered with presents??
OP - I think you have allowed this man back into your life because you have no self confidence, he has slept with someone else behind your back then dumped you by text!:eek: He is a poor excuse for a man and I can see why the ex is not happy with him

Totally agree with what you've said above....but the last sentence encapsulates most of these 'separated family' threads for me.

Just because someone is a crappy partner does not mean they are a crappy parent. They were good enough for you to create a child with so they should be good enough to make decisions about parenting them.

The rest, as I said before, is all about adult egos and knack all to do with childrens' feelings.

puddy

Bubby wrote: »

This guy is a complete loser, he has messed up his marriage then proceeded to mess around with his wife's emotions for a second time but this time hurt 2 women.

How many people that have split up spend time overnight together? and even those rare cases, would you really believe they slept in their ex's bed because of a room being cluttered with presents??
OP - I think you have allowed this man back into your life because you have no self confidence, he has slept with someone else behind your back then dumped you by text!:eek: He is a poor excuse for a man and I can see why the ex is not happy with him

no, she cant insist the children are kept away from her, she can request it via court but needs good reason, harm would be one reason, if the court find that there is no harm, either emotionally or physically to the children then they will not agree and will allow father his legal right to choose who cares for his children whilst they are within his care

(ps, i havent read the other 'christmas thread')