can my partners ex stop me being alone with their kids?

emsywoo123

Soubrette wrote: »

I have to admit, I always try and take a poster's words at face value (far too much "making up of the other side of the story" goes on imo) but if the OP is not telling the truth (as honestly as possible) then any advice given is worthless.

Sou

I do try as well, but her opening post on the previous thread was how she had walked the children home after some event while he went to the pub, so it's just not stacking up, and I gave her loads of moral support previously as she seemed so devastated, then suddenly got over him! So I give up

spongebabs

I was going to offer what I thought was useful, helpful advice until I read emsywoo's mention of the other thread, which i have now read through! There is no advice to offer, OP is not being honest about what's gone on (unless I'm horribly confused!) and the relationship can't possibly be that stable or committed if they split up a matter of 6 months ago because he'd slept with his wife!!

maggied_2

Fang wrote: »

Yes she can and should. If their 'Dad' is happy to leave his children with a relative stranger to them because he can't stay away from the pub then she should be the responsible one and protect her children. You are not anything to these children, and you need to be reminded of that.

Fang - I'm surprised at you! Single fathers are allowed to go out, just as single mothers, couples and everyone inbetween are allowed to go out! Is a girlfriend of 19 months any more of a stranger than a 15 year old that's been drafted in for the night? If the OP and her OH stay together (ignoring the info above for now!) then she isn't nothing - she's their dad's partner. I don't think it's her decision but I think your assessment is unnecessarily hard.
Note mum goes out every Monday night - should dad march round there and tell her she's not doing that anymore?

Fang_3

maggied wrote: »

Fang - I'm surprised at you! Single fathers are allowed to go out, just as single mothers, couples and everyone inbetween are allowed to go out! Is a girlfriend of 19 months any more of a stranger than a 15 year old that's been drafted in for the night? If the OP and her OH stay together (ignoring the info above for now!) then she isn't nothing - she's their dad's partner. I don't think it's her decision but I think your assessment is unnecessarily hard.
Note mum goes out every Monday night - should dad march round there and tell her she's not doing that anymore?

Of course they are allowed to go out, but I would question why he can't go out in the majority of the week when he isn't looking after his children? And by stranger I meant to the kids. They've only known her for a few months as a friend, and for a few weeks as a girlfriend. And in that time he's already cheated on her with his wife. Clearly it's not as committed as the OP would like to believe.

Let's turn this around - mum finds a new boyfriend, who after a rocky (let's be honest here) few months of knowing the kids as 'Mum's friend', she goes out to drink and leaves her two young children with a man who the Dad doesn't know and isn't a stable partner to the mother. There is no way that should happen, and judging by what we know about the OP and how her posts come across (all 'me me me' and be damned with the children or their mother), there is not a chance it should happen now.

pigpen

I wouldn't think twice about my OH looking after my children.. in fact I think he is probably better for them than their father in a lot of ways.. I have been with him significantly less than 19 months and so long as the children are happy and comfortable then I don't see the problem. He looked after 2 of them yesterday as they were off school sick.. while I went to a funeral, which incidentally their father attended too.

It has nothing to do with the absent parent who the other one chooses to look after the children while they are in their care. And yes I apply the same sensible approach to who looks after my children when they are with their father.. what I have objected to is having them in the car without proper restraints, sitting the 5 and 7 year olds on cushions and in the front seat.. illegal AND dangerous! I would trust his judgement to find someone sensible and trustworthy.

maggied_2

Fang wrote: »

Of course they are allowed to go out, but I would question why he can't go out in the majority of the week when he isn't looking after his children? Because other people's lives don't always fit around access arrangements! Why doesn't the mother go out when dad has the kids, rather than everey Monday? And by stranger I meant to the kids. They've only known her for a few months as a friend, and for a few weeks as a girlfriend. And in that time he's already cheated on her with his wife. Clearly it's not as committed as the OP would like to believe. Yes, the cheating thing does put things in a slightly different light.

Let's turn this around - mum finds a new boyfriend, who after a rocky (let's be honest here) few months of knowing the kids as 'Mum's friend', she goes out to drink and leaves her two young children with a man who the Dad doesn't know and isn't a stable partner to the mother. There is no way that should happen, and judging by what we know about the OP and how her posts come across (all 'me me me' and be damned with the children or their mother), there is not a chance it should happen now.

Is there an inference here that a man wouldn't be trusted for two hours with his girlfriend's children? What about if (like the OP) he was a father of two himself?

I see your point but the fact of the matter is this - it's up to the parent who is looking after the children at the time to make a decision about what happens to them during 'their' time. The X would have to prove the children were at harm in order to stop it.

I see your point Fang but the facat of the matter is that with shared parental responsibility the X (mum or dad) is not in a position to dictate what happens during 'their' time unless the children could be in harm's way.

This sounds more like silly adults scoring points to me.

Fang_3

maggied wrote: »

Is there an inference here that a man wouldn't be trusted for two hours with his girlfriend's children? What about if (like the OP) he was a father of two himself?

I see your point but the fact of the matter is this - it's up to the parent who is looking after the children at the time to make a decision about what happens to them during 'their' time. The X would have to prove the children were at harm in order to stop it.

I see your point Fang but the facat of the matter is that with shared parental responsibility the X (mum or dad) is not in a position to dictate what happens during 'their' time unless the children could be in harm's way.

This sounds more like silly adults scoring points to me.

It may seem strange but I always think that what's best for the children should come first, and I don't think that either parent going out and leaving their children with a relative stranger in an unstable relationship is the best thing for the children. The OP seems to think that she is Glinda and the mother green and that is clearly not true. She is nothing more than an occasional girlfriend to the father and absolutely nothing to the children, and her childish points-scoring is annoying me quite a lot.

maggied_2

Fang wrote: »

It may seem strange but I always think that what's best for the children should come first, and I don't think that either parent going out and leaving their children with a relative stranger in an unstable relationship is the best thing for the children. The OP seems to think that she is Glinda and the mother green and that is clearly not true. She is nothing more than an occasional girlfriend to the father and absolutely nothing to the children, and her childish points-scoring is annoying me quite a lot.

Well obviously it's not strange - don't be using truisms on me MrF! However, single parents do not have to turn into hermits when a relationship ends - life goes on. The parents both have to learn that they relinquish some of the control. However it would appear that both parents want to still be able to exert some of their own parenting styles that they may have had to compromise on before (how many people agree on every aspect of it?) and so you end up in situations like this.

To add in the OP's OH boinking his wife 6 months ago does put a slightly..ahem...different spin on it but ultimately my advice remains the same.

Fang_3

maggied wrote: »

Well obviously it's not strange - don't be using truisms on me MrF! However, single parents do not have to turn into hermits when a relationship ends - life goes on. The parents both have to learn that they relinquish some of the control. However it would appear that both parents want to still be able to exert some of their own parenting styles that they may have had to compromise on before (how many people agree on every aspect of it?) and so you end up in situations like this.

To add in the OP's OH boinking his wife 6 months ago does put a slightly..ahem...different spin on it but ultimately my advice remains the same.

Well obviously but when you have children you have a responsibility to put them first. And if that means only going out when you are not meant to be caring for them so then so be it. If there is anyone who doesn't agree with that then they should have thought about that before they cracked open their undergarments and declared their genitalia a condom-free zone!

Soubrette

Fang wrote: »

Well obviously but when you have children you have a responsibility to put them first. And if that means only going out when you are not meant to be caring for them so then so be it. If there is anyone who doesn't agree with that then they should have thought about that before they cracked open their undergarments and declared their genitalia a condom-free zone!

What happens if you are actually a couple, married, two kids below the age of 5 and you want to go out. No family so you would have to rely on babysitters.

You don't go out because 'you put the children first' and 5 years down the line you are divorced because your whole life was spent revolving around the children while you and your partner grew apart.

Best for the children?

Sou