Oh no!!!!!!

aliasojo

What a wonderful thread. Where else bar MSE could you get one simple issue being diversified so much, by so many.

New expensive sofa + seriously obese bodies - do not mix. There is no way in God's green earth would people this size be allowed to sit on my nice new couch. Most things do have an expected weight limit you know, certainly furniture (even if it's not widely advertised) and baths for example also. Perhaps unsurprisingly most stores wont even have a clue about this kind of thing, I had cause to find out a weight limit for a bath for someone, I had to go to the manufacturer who passed me from dept to dept as it wasn't something that was normally asked for or known about. I was eventually given weight limit for expected use but it wasn't easy and it was quoted as 25 st which was borderline for this person and so a reinforced version had to be sourced.

Anyway, the point is personally I would not take the risk. I would be mortified about hurting their feelings however, so would have to lie. There's no tactful way to say 'sorry, your weight may weaken or break my new sofa and I'd rather not take the risk'. Especially if these people are like some on here and either don't believe it would be a problem, or think they are more important than the sofas and their comfort should come first.

I would a) arrange to meet them outside....even if OH is embarrassed about them, he will only be seen out with them by complete strangers so does it really matter? b) move the sofas upstairs temporarily and bring in dining chairs or bean bags. Clearly bean bags wont be a suitable alternative for them but then perhaps that would mean their visit would be cut shorter and that may be a benefit?

January20

Britwife wrote: »

A lot of the comments on this thread have been very insulting toward overweight people. Yes, we got ourselves that way but sometimes it's a big hole to dig out of and sometimes you just feel buried.

Britwife, don't get yourself upset over the comments in this thread and other threads that sometimes appear on these forums. My belief is that:

1) some people are not very perceptive or compassionate and will always (whatever evidence is put in front of their eyes) want to believe that being obese = being greedy. It makes them feel superior, so they feel better, and they can forget the shortcomings in their own life.

2) Let's face it, in the past some people would have a go at others because of their skin colour, religion, mental and psychologicial problems. Now, they are not allowed. So what's left for them? Mocking people who are obese - or ginger (which is another one that get me so annoyed as I know from my work as a teacher how damaging it can be to a child's confidence!) Obesity is the last bastion of discriminatory speech.

And no, I don't have a weight problem myself! Nor am I ginger (sadly!)

esmerelda98

leopard85 wrote: »

As others have said, you wouldn't let a bad driver drive your new car any more then you would let a toddler drink from your best crystal glasses. This is not about fatty-bashing, its more about care over your possessions.

Did you miss the contemptuous comments made about her fat relatives as soon as she felt other posters would be sympathetic? Starting with comments about how they 'shovel food', have a sweat problem when its warm and are dirty and smelly. All true I'm sure, but not really relevant to her original concern. It's they way she writes about them. In any case, no-one is perfect. Many have bad habits and character flaws. Okay, this is an extreme problem, but that in no way means that fat people shouldn't be treated with the basic respect afforded all human beings.

With respect to the OP, if she was so worried she wouldn't really want her relatives anywhere near her new sofas. However, she considered and rejected the two obvious solutions which would have acheived this easily - meet at the shopping centre and use the old sofas. I think she just wanted to moan about her fat, smelly relatives!

stripedwellies

esmerelda98 wrote: »

I think she just wanted to moan about her fat, smelly relatives!

And I wonder if she is perhaps a tad jealous that her OH does want to see them when she clearly doesn't.

If it were my choice i would have nothing to do with them.

I wonder if they're there yet

aliasojo

esmerelda98 wrote: »

........that in no way means that fat people shouldn't be treated with the basic respect afforded all human beings.

With respect to the OP, if she was so worried she wouldn't really want her relatives anywhere near her new sofas. However, she considered and rejected the two obvious solutions which would have acheived this easily - meet at the shopping centre and use the old sofas. I think she just wanted to moan about her fat, smelly relatives!

Ok, given that I am no slender honey myself (yet ) I agree about the basic respect thing in general.

However in this case, it would seem these people are very overweight, unhygienic and completely unconcerned about others who interact with them. I'm wondering what there is to respect? Most people, fat or not would make the effort to be clean at least.

I've tried to imagine myself in this situation and I've used my son as my example (an even closer relative than those in the OP). If he were this size, smelt badly and had no particular concern about his lack of hygiene, I honestly don't believe I'd respect him either. I would always love him and still want to help him but sometimes a spade is a spade and you got to call it so.

Perhaps the OP let her frustrations get the better of her on this thread, hence the more personal comments. Perhaps the more people were calling her for her concerns, the more she needed to show that it's all very well defending obese people but as in all walks of life some people just aren't as worthy of concern and putting yourself out for, as others are, fat or not?

I do wonder why the two best suggestions as stated in your post weren't properly considered though. It would seem there wasn't a perfect solution but either of these where certainly the most feasible.

Britwife

January,

Not too upset, it's just pregnancy hormones and feeling huge at the moment.

I'm sure that most wouldn't be like this to someones face.

aliasojo

Britwife wrote: »

Not too upset, it's just pregnancy hormones and feeling huge at the moment.

Aw bless. At least you get to take yours 'off' when little one arrives. Mine requires so many hours in the gym that it makes me want to cry if I think about it for too long.

Britwife

I know what you mean. It is hard work. I've lost about 23 pounds since March. I usually work out 6 days a week. I'm just about to finish up my Biggest Loser workout on the Wii fit and that kicks my butt everytime. I really can't wait to be done with it and then pick it back up after baby is here.

The hardest thing was getting the right portion control on foods. I'm really happy now with what I eat and feel full and satisfied.

You sound like you have great dedication to getting fit. Nothing wrong with crying if you need to!

LegalBlonde

I'm dying to know what happened today OP!!!

esmerelda98

aliasojo wrote: »

Ok, given that I am no slender honey myself (yet ) I agree about the basic respect thing in general.

However in this case, it would seem these people are very overweight, unhygienic and completely unconcerned about others who interact with them. I'm wondering what there is to respect? Most people, fat or not would make the effort to be clean at least.

I've tried to imagine myself in this situation and I've used my son as my example (an even closer relative than those in the OP). If he were this size, smelt badly and had no particular concern about his lack of hygiene, I honestly don't believe I'd respect him either. I would always love him and still want to help him but sometimes a spade is a spade and you got to call it so.

Perhaps the OP let her frustrations get the better of her on this thread, hence the more personal comments. Perhaps the more people were calling her for her concerns, the more she needed to show that it's all very well defending obese people but as in all walks of life some people just aren't as worthy of concern and putting yourself out for, as others are, fat or not?

I do wonder why the two best suggestions as stated in your post weren't properly considered though. It would seem there wasn't a perfect solution but either of these where certainly the most feasible.

By my use of the word respect I never meant that the obese relatives should be held in high esteem! I meant that I think overweight, smelly people should still be treated with common decency. I didn't say anyone should go out of their way to be nice to them, and to be fair I don't think anyone suggested this. However, people do seem to go out of their way to make derogatory comments about overweight people. My Chambers dictionary describes respect as (amongst other things) 'to treat with consideration', so I think I did say what I meant to say in my earlier post.

Now I can understand how being in the presence of a person who smells can be nauseating. Still, I prefer directness, rather than nasty comments behind their back. With obese people it's a different story. They mostly don't trouble others, but still they are picked out for ridicule. I must admit, when I see very fat people I think, 'Thank goodness I'm not like that'. But that's as far as it goes. They don't trouble me. I can tell them many of the reasons why it is a good idea to lose weight, this is actually a conversation I have had a good few times, but there is no need for the nastiness. Yes, predominantly people are fat because they eat too much crap and aren't active enough. Most people are honest enough to admit this is the case. Once you become very fat it must be very difficult to start and maintain weight loss. Making any fundamental life change is hard for most (?many) people.