Is this acceptable behaviour with my child?

needtovent

Hi. I didn't want to read and run.
I have no more advice to give that you have not heard already-this needs sorting out before it has chance to escalate further. I also agree with others that you need to know the address where your boy is residing when he is with his mother (his mum's address i mean, not a full list of his relations on her side). And if she is married to this man...why is it such a secret? Got something to hide has she?
Good luck hope you soon get it sorted hun. ((hugs)))

Mankysteve

Regardless of wether your ex partner is just teaseing your son or something more sinister, It's inappropriate behaviour.

ritchie

Celtic curl – Yes I agree, I was very surprised to see him change his attitude towards her partner. He used to think he was okay. I did notice when I collected him he did not even say bye to him, and likewise – very strange.
Heretolearn – re: addresses – I have asked my ex before in writing about where he resides during contact. She made to clear that the only address is her 1st one for emergency use, and she only moves between family/friends during school holidays. I checked with a solicitor about this and not much else I could do if she has confirmed there is no change in writing, even though I know she is lying.
I have taken some advice from NSPCC. But when another family asked him what happened, he gave a slightly different story. He said that her partner opened the door and just poked him above the back, although his trousers where just ½ down. Son admitted he did not pull trousers down.
Obviously something happened but I am bit offset now has said a different story, which luckily is not as bad as originally thought, but still not acceptable IMHO.

FATBALLZ

All I would say is that if this was my child this man would never be allowed near them again, and the ex would not be allowed to see the child without my presence.

Fang_3

ritchie wrote: »

Celtic curl – Yes I agree, I was very surprised to see him change his attitude towards her partner. He used to think he was okay. I did notice when I collected him he did not even say bye to him, and likewise – very strange.
Heretolearn – re: addresses – I have asked my ex before in writing about where he resides during contact. She made to clear that the only address is her 1st one for emergency use, and she only moves between family/friends during school holidays. I checked with a solicitor about this and not much else I could do if she has confirmed there is no change in writing, even though I know she is lying.
I have taken some advice from NSPCC. But when another family asked him what happened, he gave a slightly different story. He said that her partner opened the door and just poked him above the back, although his trousers where just ½ down. Son admitted he did not pull trousers down.
Obviously something happened but I am bit offset now has said a different story, which luckily is not as bad as originally thought, but still not acceptable IMHO.

You need to get the police or SS involved. They will have people who are trained to get the truth out of your son in a safe environment and that is vital. This man needs to have it made very clear that this is not acceptable behaviour, and the mother needs to have it made very, very clear to her that her responsibility is to her son. Not whatever creature is filling her special area of an evening.

When is your son next due to stay with her?

confused76

could be your son gave a slightly watered down version to your family as he was embarrassed....
have you decided what to do?

moneysaver12

I think that this is unaccepable and that your ex should not be having unsupervised contact with your son. Your son needs protecting.

ritchie

Fang wrote: »

You need to get the police or SS involved. They will have people who are trained to get the truth out of your son in a safe environment and that is vital. This man needs to have it made very clear that this is not acceptable behaviour, and the mother needs to have it made very, very clear to her that her responsibility is to her son. Not whatever creature is filling her special area of an evening.

When is your son next due to stay with her?

I have taken some advice from the NSPCC. Its been quite a tense afternoon, as just after i called the NSPCC for advice, when i heard son told a family member a slightly different story.
Also some of my family members think i am over-reacting and should let it go! More stress and hassle i just dont need. Well at least i am grateful you on this forum have given me some interesting advice and notes.

I will be seeking some advice from my solicitor on monday.

next contact is usually at school holidays for 3 weeks, unless she requests an extra weekend contact in the interim.

Fang_3

ritchie wrote: »

I have taken some advice from the NSPCC. Its been quite a tense afternoon, as just after i called the NSPCC for advice, when i heard son told a family member a slightly different story.
Also some of my family members think i am over-reacting and should let it go! More stress and hassle i just dont need. Well at least i am grateful you on this forum have given me some interesting advice and notes.

I will be seeking some advice from my solicitor on monday.

next contact is usually at school holidays for 3 weeks, unless she requests an extra weekend contact in the interim.

You need to have that stopped if this creature will be around. I don't care what your family are saying, you need to trust your gut. You know there's something wrong there and you won't be able to forgive yourself if anything further happens.

At the very least this man needs to be aware that there are people watching what he does. And the 'mother' needs to take this seriously too.

mistrihelen

I would be very wary of sending any child of mine off without knowing the address he was staying at. I thought in these cases you had to be given an address? Of course I know people can lie, but if she's told you (not just verbally) that the one you have is only an emergency contact, is there not any way to insist on having a legitimate address before she has contact again?

I really feel for you and particularly your son here. Hope you can get it resolved - preferably without your son being forced to be in contact with this bf again.