Is this acceptable behaviour with my child?

missmontana

Gosh, I could cry reading this. As a mother I know what I'd be doing to somebody elses backside if they ever touched my son's!

If your ex isn't responsible enough to be a mum then she maybe lacking in other areas (choice of boyfriend for one).

As others have suggested, find out as much about this bloke as you can, if he has any children from previous relationships, criminal record....

ritchie

Its been a very tough few days.
Apart from being very very busy with work, this matter was something i just could do without.
But i have taken advice from relevant persons and awaiting reply.
I was more shocked when ex calls to speak to son and then makes it clear to him telling him "he is not allowed to tell anyone what happened, and that everything was a lie. if he does not do that he wont get a new wii game that she promised him. Hmm i am very suspicious, and shocked, with all this news.
poor lad was in tears.
ex had cheek afterwards to ask me if she could take him away for a few days to the Lakes....my answer simple No way. But then she told me, if i take any action from son's information i.e. contact any authorities she will take revenge back on me.
hence why its been a tough few days. This evening is the calm after the storm.

I have taken some advice from a friend who works in family courts, who said i need to be careful if stop contact. Although i have done nothing wrong whatsoever, but if matter goes back to court a family DJ could just transfer his residence like that! scary. still waiting for my sols legal advice, but i not happy of the prospect of paying £150 per hour. Money that i wanted to save for better things.

thorsoak

Have you contacted Childline? They will listen to your son. IMO I would ensure that I did everything possible to ascertain exactly what this chap is like. Why does your ex have to protect him so much? Do you not owe your son as much protection? As does she!

meritaten

Ritchie - your poor son!!!!
youre suspicious you say?? I would be more than suspicious....I would KNOW my fears had just been confirmed! your ex is harbouring her boyf or partner or new husband - whatever! and i WOULD NOT let my son near them. I would go to the police with this information and social services and anyone else who would listen!
you asked a friend who works at court. ok.....but friend who works at court isnt a social worker or police officer i take it? you need someone who KNOWS the law hun.
you could contact one of those organisations which protect children such as the NSPCC or Childline will talk to you - you dont have to be a child to phone them! they gave me very good advice about some neighbours kids.
You believe your child is at risk - your exwife has confirmed this by the threats - now go to the police or social services and protect him! stop asking family and friends and us on this forum our opinion! you have had our opinion, nearly all of us think you should be contacting the police and/or social services. why dont you DO something!

Mojisola

ritchie wrote: »

Its been a very tough few days.
Apart from being very very busy with work, this matter was something i just could do without.
But i have taken advice from relevant persons and awaiting reply.
I was more shocked when ex calls to speak to son and then makes it clear to him telling him "he is not allowed to tell anyone what happened, and that everything was a lie. if he does not do that he wont get a new wii game that she promised him. Hmm i am very suspicious, and shocked, with all this news.
poor lad was in tears.
ex had cheek afterwards to ask me if she could take him away for a few days to the Lakes....my answer simple No way. But then she told me, if i take any action from son's information i.e. contact any authorities she will take revenge back on me.
hence why its been a tough few days. This evening is the calm after the storm.

I have taken some advice from a friend who works in family courts, who said i need to be careful if stop contact. Although i have done nothing wrong whatsoever, but if matter goes back to court a family DJ could just transfer his residence like that! scary. still waiting for my sols legal advice, but i not happy of the prospect of paying £150 per hour. Money that i wanted to save for better things.

I really feel for you. You are in a horrible position - feeling that if you do what you can to protect your son, he may end up living with this couple!

The secrecy she is demanding just adds to the worry. All of us should be teaching our children that they have the right to say when someone makes them uncomfortable and that they don't have to comply with anyone who tells them to keep these things secret.

meritaten

If the OP makes his concerns a police or social service matter - I cannot see a family court judge awarding custody to the mother and her new partner. doesnt make sense! by keeping quiet about these matters the OP would be handing custody to the mother if she asked for it! OP NEEDS to raise these concerns with the authorities BEFORE the mother asks for custody - because I get the awful feeling her new partner is going to persuade her the boy would be better off with them.........guess why!!
dont give in to her demands hun, Ritchie, I am totally on your side but I am thinking of your son first and foremost! so it costs you to see the solicitor......It doesnt cost you to see the police or to talk to social services. they are your first port of call! at your local police station there should be a child protection officer who is trained in this. also you can ask if the partner is on the register as your son is staying overnight with him and your ex. you NEED to do this to get your concerns on the record. even if the boyf isnt known you need to speak to social services too. get your worries recorded and official. otherwise if it does come down to a custody hearing its going to look as if you are just being nasty about him with no evidence.

eira

Totally agree with above post, no one should tell children not to tell-that's the way abusers get away with what they do. I would also expect a parent not to sweep away a child's fears and worries. Given what you've posted you have concerns that would set off alarm bells in any responsible adult. What about the court Child Welfare officers for advice ?

GemJar_2

I would be going straight to the police, what this man has done to your child is wrong and shouldn't be allowed. And the fact that they are throwing out threats to you and your son to keep quiet makes it sound to me like there IS something they are trying to cover up and this wasn't just 'normal' behaviour. I wish you and your son all the luck in the world with whatever you decide to do

MrsAnnie

ritchie wrote: »

Its been a very tough few days.
Apart from being very very busy with work, this matter was something i just could do without.
But i have taken advice from relevant persons and awaiting reply.
I was more shocked when ex calls to speak to son and then makes it clear to him telling him "he is not allowed to tell anyone what happened, and that everything was a lie. if he does not do that he wont get a new wii game that she promised him. Hmm i am very suspicious, and shocked, with all this news.
poor lad was in tears.
ex had cheek afterwards to ask me if she could take him away for a few days to the Lakes....my answer simple No way. But then she told me, if i take any action from son's information i.e. contact any authorities she will take revenge back on me.
hence why its been a tough few days. This evening is the calm after the storm.

I have taken some advice from a friend who works in family courts, who said i need to be careful if stop contact. Although i have done nothing wrong whatsoever, but if matter goes back to court a family DJ could just transfer his residence like that! scary. still waiting for my sols legal advice, but i not happy of the prospect of paying £150 per hour. Money that i wanted to save for better things.

This will be money well spent - nothing at all should take priority over protecting your son.

This story is really heart wrenching, I feel so sorry for you and your little lad. His 'mum' is certainly not protecting and nurturing him. It is up to you to take swift action to protect him from this abuse.

I would be exxtremely reluctant to give this woman any further unaccompanied access. Personally I think you shoud contact the police and social services ASAP!

duchy

What on earth is a "better thing" than protecting your child.

For goodness sake Man Up and give your son the protection he is asking you for !!!