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Is this acceptable behaviour with my child?

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Comments

  • ManOnTheMoon
    ManOnTheMoon Posts: 2,815 Forumite
    Simple answer - in no way is it acceptable for any adult to do any of what has happened.

    Something not quite right with the ex's BF and for a parent to excuse their partner may suggest their is something not quite right with her either.

    The most important thing is the lad is scared and he should not be made to feel that way, so this has to stop now, not later down the line if/when the BF does it again as it will just escalate.

    Good luck with it.
  • ritchie
    ritchie Posts: 143 Forumite
    He has been really down all week and irritable mood too. Keeps asking me why he cant go to the lakes with her, and when he will see her again and speak to her.
    SS just advised me to stop all contact and seek legal advice, and notified SS in her area. Quite suprised they did not want to speak or see anyone in person.
    To MSE's who may think i have not done enough action well i could have gone out there with all my guns firing...but okay that would have achieve a hardlined but also stress on my son and me. Its quite emotionally tiring telling everyone about this and past events. Plus i needed to be more present emotionally and physically for my child.

    Theres only so much one can take. Anyway its in hand with professionals, and i will seek the appropriate advice best for the matter.
    thanks
  • ManOnTheMoon
    ManOnTheMoon Posts: 2,815 Forumite
    ritchie wrote: »
    He has been really down all week and irritable mood too. Keeps asking me why he cant go to the lakes with her, and when he will see her again and speak to her.
    SS just advised me to stop all contact and seek legal advice, and notified SS in her area. Quite suprised they did not want to speak or see anyone in person.
    To MSE's who may think i have not done enough action well i could have gone out there with all my guns firing...but okay that would have achieve a hardlined but also stress on my son and me. Its quite emotionally tiring telling everyone about this and past events. Plus i needed to be more present emotionally and physically for my child.

    Theres only so much one can take. Anyway its in hand with professionals, and i will seek the appropriate advice best for the matter.
    thanks

    Think you have done the best thing fro your boy.

    I hope he picks up soon. Is he a football fan? World Cup starts today and you could make a party of it to try and take his mind off of things.
  • daska
    daska Posts: 6,212 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I'm glad you contacted SS, hope it works out in a way that your son is happy with. I have the t-shirt so know exactly how exhausting this is so big hugs to you both. If your into the football then MOTM's suggestion is very good.
    Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants - Michael Pollan
    48 down, 22 to go
    Low carb, low oxalate Primal + dairy
    From size 24 to 16 and now stuck...
  • Mutter_2
    Mutter_2 Posts: 1,307 Forumite
    I can't understand why the Mother is so secretive regarding her address. I'd really want to know in case I ever needed to fetch my child in an emergency.

    She cant keep it secret for much longer as the boy will soon find out. She sounds like a nightmare. Not disclosing whether married or not and then teaching her son to be secretive.

    As for SS making contact. That is why notifying Police is a good place to start as they would get SS to make contact.
    Good luck with it all.
  • meritaten
    meritaten Posts: 24,158 Forumite
    Ritchie - I imagine you are emotionally exhausted right now. especially as your son naturally wants to see his mum. (deletes what I actually think of her). I would gently explain to him that he will see her as soon as the matter of her boyf (partner, husband or whatever he is) is sorted out so that he wont be upset like last time. at his age he should understand that. it doesnt sound as if she would agree to see him on a supervised (by you) visit without boyf present, so I would also explain to him that this may take a bit longer than you both would like but something will be worked out in the end. then try to take life normally. as other posters have suggested the footy may take sons mind off things for you for a few weeks. try not to think about it yourself all the time - allow yourself time out and enjoy being with son for the footyfest! make it a special time for the two of you.
  • ritchie
    ritchie Posts: 143 Forumite
    update
    social services contacted the centre where ex and her bf live. They asked police. Thet have taken no action undergone no investigation and have not spoken to any adult there or my child. The SS office in my area just advise "stop contact seek legal advice". I am quite disappointed by their response and lack of taking this matter seriously.
    Ex now wants to speak to son more often now "as if nothing happened".

    what a funny world this! I thought the services took such incidents seriously with regards to children. seems like expensive legal advice is the only option now.
  • poet123
    poet123 Posts: 24,099 Forumite
    I think that you do need specialist legal advice, some family solicitors will do a free 30 min appointment, and in that time can give you some valuable information. You need to know where you stand and how to proceed without making the isssue worse for your son or endangering your residence order.
  • meritaten
    meritaten Posts: 24,158 Forumite
    ritchie wrote: »
    update
    social services contacted the centre where ex and her bf live. They asked police. Thet have taken no action undergone no investigation and have not spoken to any adult there or my child. The SS office in my area just advise "stop contact seek legal advice". I am quite disappointed by their response and lack of taking this matter seriously.
    Ex now wants to speak to son more often now "as if nothing happened".

    what a funny world this! I thought the services took such incidents seriously with regards to children. seems like expensive legal advice is the only option now.


    The SS office in my area just advise "stop contact seek legal advice".
    did you get that in writing hun? if not then ask them to email or write to you. you may need that in future.
    you do need legal advice - and I would look on the net for a solicitor who SPECIALISES in these cases. or at least a family law solicitor. a divorce solicitor may not have the expertise. it doesnt necessarily mean it costs more than your ordinary solicitor.

    The SS may have contacted SS in your exes area - and if nothing was on the computer about her or him decided there was nothing they could do.
    they may have asked for a police check to see if he was on the SE register - or not.
    you have the right to ask too as your son stays with this person.
  • daska
    daska Posts: 6,212 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Then it sounds like legal advice is the way to go. Try to find a solicitor who's on both the children and family law panels. Law Society link HERE.

    Speedster seems to know his way around DIY court battles.
    Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants - Michael Pollan
    48 down, 22 to go
    Low carb, low oxalate Primal + dairy
    From size 24 to 16 and now stuck...
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