Is this acceptable behaviour with my child?

ritchie

Fang wrote: »

At the very least this man needs to be aware that there are people watching what he does. And the 'mother' needs to take this seriously too.

HA! I doubt she will take it that seriously. From reading the feedback here, it seems like she will do anything to protect her partner/ I think should would do more serious stuff to avoid paying CM if she could. (she dodged the csa for over 1.5yrs, and now tells son how much she pays and even shows him bank statements - or so he tells me as he is demaning i give him some of the CM direct!)

ritchie

mistrihelen wrote: »

I would be very wary of sending any child of mine off without knowing the address he was staying at. I thought in these cases you had to be given an address? Of course I know people can lie, but if she's told you (not just verbally) that the one you have is only an emergency contact, is there not any way to insist on having a legitimate address before she has contact again?

I really feel for you and particularly your son here. Hope you can get it resolved - preferably without your son being forced to be in contact with this bf again.

As she confired an emergency contact number/address in writing a solicitor told me i cannot pursue this any further, rest is up to her to act responsibly.

Mojisola

I wonder if the BF has changed in his behaviour towards your son since the secret marriage? This would make me even more worried, thinking that the BF behaved himself until he had "caught" your ex. She has much more invested in the relationship if they are married and he may feel more secure in making a move on your son.

I would be very worried if this was my son. I can see that your ex has been very difficult but your son has to come first. The idea of sending him away for three weeks to an unknown address with this man would be giving me nightmares.

Fang_3

ritchie wrote: »

HA! I doubt she will take it that seriously. From reading the feedback here, it seems like she will do anything to protect her partner/ I think should would do more serious stuff to avoid paying CM if she could. (she dodged the csa for over 1.5yrs, and now tells son how much she pays and even shows him bank statements - or so he tells me as he is demaning i give him some of the CM direct!)

Then why is he going to be spending any time with her? You need to have visitation re-ordered and only allow supervised access from now on.

missindecisive

hi. sorry hav'nt read evrybodys replies. This behaviour is totally unacceptable. its weird and reading your post freaks me out. please please do something about this, I have a boy of my own who is a similar age and I would be mortified if he was as upset as your child. it is wrong wrong wrong.

penelopedee_2

I couldn't read and run, please carry on with asking for outside help on this one, and don't worry if you are starting ww3 with the ex. Your son is feeling bullied and that alone is wrong for an adult to do, regardless of if there is any other intent.

meritaten

sorry - but why are you getting other family members involved? dont you think your son has enough to cope with? now he has all these people asking his version and you cannot understand why each is getting a different one??? I can! like any child he is probably sensitive to those who will believe him and the straight unvarnished truth and those who will automatically dismiss his story (as his mum did). you are NOT helping him by putting him through a family inquisitition!!
the first incident was bad enough - what mum would see her child chased around crying and upset and then claim it was all in fun???
then the child says his privacy was violated. and she made HIM apologise?
I would be straight down the police station to see if they know this guy. and refuse access to wife - !!!!!!! she doesnt care if HER son is upset!!!! but bf has to be kept happy?
Your first responsibility is to YOUR son, never mind your sodding family! nine year olds dont generally make up tales of sexual abuse (and this IS what has happened).
In your heart of hearts you believe your son and that is why you posted on here. now gather up your courage and do what you need to do to keep him safe. because if you dont and the situation continues you WILL lose all his respect and his love for you. A child looks to his/her parent to keep them safe!!!

bertiebots

OP if you do not act on what your son is telling you then you are letting him down. He has come to you for help and you must not put him back in the care of these people. Why would you even consider allowing them access ?
Children will play things down when it makes them uncomfortable or distressing to retell....is it really acceptable to send your son off to someone for whom you have no correct address or actually talk to, what would happen in an emergancy? What would your poor son do if he needed you and you dont even know where he is? She is obviously going to protect the boyfreind and is blind to your sons feelings. Your son must feel very vunarable right now.
He is in your care and you have a duty to do what is best for him.
He is distressed and has come to the only person who he feels he can trust, you, dont let him down please.

sp1987

Whatever the extent of the abuse, your son has expressed that he does not feel comfortable with this person. That would be good enough for me. Sod what ''not capable of having the child full time'' NRP says.

Report the matter as you just do not know to what extent this person acts in this manner. Someone outside may be able to get the 'true' story from your son (ie not talked down or up, it could be either).

Again, your child trusted you to tell you that he has a problem and also explained that his mother was told the same thing but failed him and refused to sort it. If you do the same he will have two parents who won't back him. At the very least the mother's partner makes his visits to her house unhappy by teasing. I wouldn't want to go if I were him.

neneromanova

Have you asked your son if he wants to keep visiting your ex? If he doesn't then you know something is definately wrong. But if he does then you have to question why he would want to be away from your safety and closer to your ex's partner.