Is this acceptable behaviour with my child?

Fang_3

ritchie wrote: »

Its been a very tough few days.
Apart from being very very busy with work, this matter was something i just could do without.
But i have taken advice from relevant persons and awaiting reply.
I was more shocked when ex calls to speak to son and then makes it clear to him telling him "he is not allowed to tell anyone what happened, and that everything was a lie. if he does not do that he wont get a new wii game that she promised him. Hmm i am very suspicious, and shocked, with all this news.
poor lad was in tears.
ex had cheek afterwards to ask me if she could take him away for a few days to the Lakes....my answer simple No way. But then she told me, if i take any action from son's information i.e. contact any authorities she will take revenge back on me.
hence why its been a tough few days. This evening is the calm after the storm.

I have taken some advice from a friend who works in family courts, who said i need to be careful if stop contact. Although i have done nothing wrong whatsoever, but if matter goes back to court a family DJ could just transfer his residence like that! scary. still waiting for my sols legal advice, but i not happy of the prospect of paying £150 per hour. Money that i wanted to save for better things.

Better things than protecting your son? Are you completely taking the !!!! now?

ritchie

Please dont get me wrong, that i am not sitting back taking no action. I have spoken to professionals from all avenues, but i need to check i am taking correct advice.

I have already denied ex any further contact until further notice.

My friend who works at family courts, without saying too much on opem forum has worked helping parents see their kids for over 20+ years. They given me real stories of how such situtaions they have come across, can quite easily be turned around by a DJ based on a nonresident parent counter allegations e.g a child of 5 was given residency back to a parent whom "abuse" allegations were being investigated.

But this advice, has not stopped me seeking professional advice, but like anything i do i need to be aware what can happen. My ex is a person not to be underestimated in any respect from my past experiences, and now she has openly threatened me, further action will be taken.

thanks for your replies

MrsE_2

ritchie wrote: »

Its been a very tough few days.
Apart from being very very busy with work, this matter was something i just could do without.
But i have taken advice from relevant persons and awaiting reply.
I was more shocked when ex calls to speak to son and then makes it clear to him telling him "he is not allowed to tell anyone what happened, and that everything was a lie. if he does not do that he wont get a new wii game that she promised him. Hmm i am very suspicious, and shocked, with all this news.
poor lad was in tears.
ex had cheek afterwards to ask me if she could take him away for a few days to the Lakes....my answer simple No way. But then she told me, if i take any action from son's information i.e. contact any authorities she will take revenge back on me.
hence why its been a tough few days. This evening is the calm after the storm.

I have taken some advice from a friend who works in family courts, who said i need to be careful if stop contact. Although i have done nothing wrong whatsoever, but if matter goes back to court a family DJ could just transfer his residence like that! scary. still waiting for my sols legal advice, but i not happy of the prospect of paying £150 per hour. Money that i wanted to save for better things.

Stop messing about & go to the police!

Gingham_Ribbon

By her actions, your ex has just let you know that she is well aware of what her partner has done and the implications AND that she will stand by him and call her son a liar no matter what.

You know that your son cannot be protected if he is with his mum and that this man probably knows that too.

What did the NSPCC suggest?

meritaten

Ritchie? are you being cagey about the actions you are taking because this is an open forum??? if so just tell us and I for one will understand.
If this is so, then know that I am wholeheartedly behind you and will stop pestering you on here!
I am nearly always here in the evening if you ever want to PM me - even if its only to vent!

ritchie

meritaten wrote: »

Ritchie? are you being cagey about the actions you are taking because this is an open forum??? if so just tell us and I for one will understand.
If this is so, then know that I am wholeheartedly behind you and will stop pestering you on here!
I am nearly always here in the evening if you ever want to PM me - even if its only to vent!

Thank you for your kind offer.

Yes you are part correct i am being careful not to say specific info on open forum for obvious reasons, But i welcome all the comments so far.
Once thing is how different some comments are to the professional help i have seeked.

NSPCC - suggested i contact SS and request counselling for him. Again i cant say too much from what other action i have taken.
Got to admit i was a bit suprised by SS initial response.

Angelic - note i already have full custody.

ailuro2

What will happen if you continue to deny her access?

If you take it further what could she do to you?

I'd suggest having recording devices to hand for when she calls and threatens you.;)

patchwork_cat

ritchie wrote: »

Once thing is how different some comments are to the professional help i have seeked.

It is important to remember that on a forum even though people speak with all authority they may actually have no knowledge whatsoever and in real life you might well cross the street to avoid them!!!:rotfl:

Those that shout loudest and drop in what looks like eloquent phrases may actually be 11 years old. Thank you for reminding me, for one, of this by this comment! All the best in a difficult situation.

That is why I try sometimes to not put forward my opinionated view on things I don't know about ( I am like a lot of MSE'rs very opinionated!!) and suggest an official contact and how to approach them as that is all the advice you should ever take in a case like this on an anonymous forum no matter how many qualifications someone says they have!

There is one poster ( who is missing from this thread I think) who reckons to have qualifications in virtually every subject known to man and when they are questioned it is apparent they actually are lucky if they have O level equivalent, let alone the degree level they profess to!

Minxy_Bella

patchwork_cat wrote: »

It is important to remember that on a forum even though people speak with all authority they may actually have no knowledge whatsoever and in real life you might well cross the street to avoid them!!!:rotfl:

Those that shout loudest and drop in what looks like eloquent phrases may actually be 11 years old. Thank you for reminding me, for one, of this by this comment! All the best in a difficult situation.

That is why I try sometimes to not put forward my opinionated view on things I don't know about ( I am like a lot of MSE'rs very opinionated!!) and suggest an official contact and how to approach them as that is all the advice you should ever take in a case like this on an anonymous forum no matter how many qualifications someone says they have!

There is one poster ( who is missing from this thread I think) who reckons to have qualifications in virtually every subject known to man and when they are questioned it is apparent they actually are lucky if they have O level equivalent, let alone the degree level they profess to!

You make a fair point but IMO it's more to do with the fact that MSE'ers are responding to this situation as parents and that the authorities would view such a case as work (adding to their already overburdened workload??).

A professional will always have a more measured reaction than a mum or dad - that's natural and I guess it's why we go to professionals for objective help.

As an ex-teacher, I had to work with social workers a lot, on some very nasty cases. I got emotional about the plight of the kids, even though I really tried to remain detached and 'professional'. The social workers - without fail - didn't. They responded with bone-crunching weariness and an implied dread that this new case gave them more work to do.

This isn't a criticism - I couldn't do their job -it's just an observation based on personal experience.

meritaten

Ok Ritchie - I understand the need for discretion. I just hope that this all gets sorted out without too much anguish for your lad.
how is he?
I hope he is mostly unaware of all this except that you are doing your best to make things right for him.