Child's Surname

Person_one

tabskitten wrote: »

I'm obviously too old fashioned as I think that marriage should come before children....

In a perfect world I agree with you! Not for what I consider silly reasons such as being 'proper' or not wanting the child to be 'illegitimate' but because I would want my partner to make a firm binding commitment to me and just me before having children (after all they don't stay with you forever, you're back to just the two of you in 20 years or so) and to give the children the financial and legal security that comes from it.

I wouldn't judge others who have babies before marriage though, there's this funny idea floating around that marriage is just a worthless piece of paper, don't know where that idea came from!

joanne_d_3

My kids were 1 , 4 and 7 when i got married and right up until that point they ALL had my surname.

Personally , i just found it easier to have them named the same surname as myself as it would be me who were doing most of the taking them to appointments at doctors/dentist/hospitals etc , were people normally assumed that if they were surname so and so then i must be MRS so and so...................

As soon as i got married in the year 2000 all their names were changed.

Put it this way.....if you call your child your surname from the start and you then in later years get married their names can be change with very little effort

B U T

If you call your child his/her fathers surname from the start and you then split up the childs name can be very difficult / almost impossible to change to yours !

Joanne

pinkshoes

Jo_R wrote: »

So on that principle, why not him take your name and give the kids your surname?

I think the 'fighting tradition' thought opens up a whole can of worms but that's just me - there's a whole lot of traditions I'm happy to break or happy that have been broken:)

Because it's traditional that a family name carries on down the line of men!

My brother is the last male in my family, so lots of pressure on him!:rotfl:

jamespir

fathers name i always thought but i suppose you can give the chile either name

donnaessex

I'd give the baby the mothers surname, then if/when her and her partner marry, the child can have his/her surname changed easily.

In my experience, its usually the mother who takes the child for appointments, school meetings etc and I just think its "nicer" if they have the same surname. Just my opinion though.

samandona

pinkshoes wrote: »

Because it's traditional that a family name carries on down the line of men!

My brother is the last male in my family, so lots of pressure on him!:rotfl:

My situation couldn't be anymore similar! Im 18 weeks pregnant (nearly) and not married but living with the father. My brother too is the last male in my family.

We never really discussed giving the baby my surname. My boyfriend is the last of his family (sadly he has no counsins or uncles and both his parents are deceased ) and although I don't think my brother will ever have children, there is no way I will be double barrelling our names for the child. Firstly, they sound ridiculous together and I would rather the child have middle names that an extra surname. That said, if I ever marry the father I will be keeping my name, not because I want to fight tradition I just have a very unusual first name and it doesnt sounds so good with his surname.

zartub

arbroath_lass wrote: »

If I were unmarried there's no way my child would have the father's surname. If you do get married (to anyone) and you really want everyone to have the same name hubby can change his name to yours. Much simpler all round -and not at all uncommon.

if you don't have the fathers surname then in decades to come when you are no longer around your children s- children could just by chance commit incest unknowingly with a very close relation. or maybe tracing back the family tree would be fun wouldn't it ? thinking your father slept with one of there own children !

Caroline73_2

Person_one wrote: »

I agree with Jo_R. I won't be convinced its just about being a unit until the day that equal numbers of men and women change their name on marriage. If what you say is true shouldn't it work out about 50/50?

Its about men being seen as more important and valuable than women therefore they don't have to make the sacrifice of their identity. And yes it is a hangover from the time when women were property, the name was a stamp of ownership.

Its hard for women to stand up for their name and buck tradition because there's the stereotype that only feminazi, hairy legged, pains in the *ss do. There's still such a strong desire to please men engrained in women's psyche from childhood that we don't want them to think we're too much hard work or too feisty and unmanageable!

I actually find it really sad that someone would feel that changing their name is sacrificing their identity. It wouldn't change who you are.

Caroline73_2

zartub wrote: »

if you don't have the fathers surname then in decades to come when you are no longer around your children s- children could just by chance commit incest unknowingly with a very close relation. or maybe tracing back the family tree would be fun wouldn't it ? thinking your father slept with one of there own children !

I don't quite get your logic there. If I had a daughter who had her fathers surname, she could meet my brothers son and they would have different surnames, so not know they are related.

pollyanna24

I haven't read any of the replies yet, so sorry if treading on any toes or repeating anything.

If you give the child your surname, you can always change to the father's at a later date (if you get married for example).

If you give the child the father's surname, you CANNOT change it back to your surname without his permission.

I am in this situation. Gave my daughter the father's surname as we were supposed to be getting married when she was 10 months old, but he changed his mind.

Now she will always his surname which sometimes bothers me (like when I get on a plane and have to prove I'm her mother).

Currently pregnant with our second (long story) and am undecided as to what to do about surname. Give it his name so both the children have his name, or give it my surname so we each have a child with our name? No idea yet.