Child's Surname

Jo_R_2

pinkshoes wrote: »

Because it's traditional that a family name carries on down the line of men!

My brother is the last male in my family, so lots of pressure on him!:rotfl:

Hehe yep I see what you are saying about the tradition of the name carrying on down the line of men - what I was not very eloquently saying is that if changing a name is about showing the world you're a unit and together, would you not consider your OH changing his name? I mean, I'm not actually asking you to consider it in real life but as part of the discussion IYSWIM?:D

I must admit I'm pretty stubborn on this one - the fact that my OH thinks it's utterly ridiculous for him to even consider changing his name "because it's the woman who should do it" makes me feel even more strongly that why the hell should I?!

As an aside, his mum and auntie both thought I was crazy when he told them that; they said what was the point in getting married if I wouldn't change my name - like that was all that was important about getting married!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

My daughter has my surname - me and her dad was together until just recently (shes nearly 3)

However

My choice was because i have an unusual surname and wanted to keep it going - Ex has a very common surname.

He was fine with it - like he said, he isnt goig to call DD Miss XXX - his family however, were not and will still to this day send cards through with HIS surname on (I think thats more to wind me up tho!)

HTH

sofababe

A good friend of mine had a child with her partner (not married), and the baby had her surname. When the little girl was 3 she had an accident at home and had to be taken to A&E by her dad as Mum was at work. Because her Dad had a different name the hospital wouldn't tell him anything about his daughter's condition and called the police and social services (!!!!!!!) because they didn't believe he was her legal guardian, which in fact he wasn't, despite being her biological father apparently without being married to the mother he had no legal parental rights to his own child!!!!

pigpen

But you can get a court order stating that the father has equal parental rights easily enough.

thatgirlsam

Person_one wrote: »

I agree with Jo_R. I won't be convinced its just about being a unit until the day that equal numbers of men and women change their name on marriage. If what you say is true shouldn't it work out about 50/50?

Its about men being seen as more important and valuable than women therefore they don't have to make the sacrifice of their identity. And yes it is a hangover from the time when women were property, the name was a stamp of ownership.

Its hard for women to stand up for their name and buck tradition because there's the stereotype that only feminazi, hairy legged, pains in the *ss do. There's still such a strong desire to please men engrained in women's psyche from childhood that we don't want them to think we're too much hard work or too feisty and unmanageable!

dammit!!!

i haven't been hiding this - is that why im single

jill8beans2

If it were me, I would give the child my surname. You can always have it legally changed if/when you get married.

pinkshoes

Jo_R wrote: »

what I was not very eloquently saying is that if changing a name is about showing the world you're a unit and together, would you not consider your OH changing his name? I mean, I'm not actually asking you to consider it in real life but as part of the discussion IYSWIM?

Very true, but I guess I'm one for rules and tradition in an odd way, so by having the rule that the wife takes the husband's surname just makes everything so much more simple!

Jo_R wrote: »

I must admit I'm pretty stubborn on this one - the fact that my OH thinks it's utterly ridiculous for him to even consider changing his name "because it's the woman who should do it" makes me feel even more strongly that why the hell should I?!

Are you sure the two of you should get married?!? I'm afraid I agree with your OH; men take things like this VERY personally!!

mommyme wrote: »

My choice was because i have an unusual surname and wanted to keep it going - Ex has a very common surname.

Now I do TOTALLY see the point in this one, and if I had an unusual surname, I'd be more inclined to keep it, particularly if the OH had a very common surname! Unfortunately, both of us have common-ish surnames (both are more common in different parts of the country), so I guess I'm not so fussed.

Moneybubbles

cor blimey:D interesting read!


I would go for fathers Surname, just because but then read through the whole thread and got myself confused!

Good luck with your pg:T

For the record I got married, and took on DH surname:D

samandona

Whoever made the point about problems with hospitals/customs/doctors etc if the baby has my name but bf takes him/her to hospital for example - thank you! I just told the BF and I'm now mildly concerned he is going to propose! :O:O

I didn't realise men had no legal parental rights if they wern't married to the mother. Crazy.

arbroath_lass

zartub wrote: »

if you don't have the fathers surname then in decades to come when you are no longer around your children s- children could just by chance commit incest unknowingly with a very close relation. or maybe tracing back the family tree would be fun wouldn't it ? thinking your father slept with one of there own children !

Sorry, I don't understand what you're saying.

It's only in recent years that a man has been able to find out for sure a child is actually his. I'd be interested in knowing (but obviously couldn't) how many people have a surname they're not biologically entitled to.