Child's Surname

pinkshoes

I'm 18 weeks pregnant, not married, but living with the father.

I was just wondering whether it's normal to give the baby the father's surname, or my surname?

I was going to go with his surname, on the basis that I think it's respectful, as it's quite obvious the child is mine - I will be giving birth to it, and also if we were to get married one day, then the child would already have the surname I'd be getting.

Since then, I've had various comments from friends/family hinting that it should have my surname, or suggesting double barrelled names (absolutely no way!).

What do people think? What's the norm?

missmontana

I'm not sure there is a norm these days!

If the father is going to be named on the birth certificate, then the baby may as well have his surname, if you get married in the future then you will take the name and you will all be the same.

My son has my name, but I was no longer with the father when I had him and wanted both our names to be the same.

I know people who have 3 or 4 different surnames in a house, with partners, children and children from previous relationships.

tanith

Double barrelled sounds good to me but any children I know in this circumstance seem to have the fathers surname .
It does make it complicated when children from the same family have different surnames when it comes to school and also the mother has a different name

amcluesent

If you're asking that question, I can't see you staying together much longer...just saying.

esio_trot

same situation for me actually. Relationship of 5 years, living together for 4. Baby will be getting his dad's surname, not mine. He'll also be getting dad's first name as it's a family thing but that's a whole other point I never really considered using my surname to be honest, my idea is that OH will get over his whole marriage phobia eventually and we'll both have the same surname anyway.

delain

My three have their Dad's surname. Mostly because my surname was a cause of ridicule for me at school and I didn't want to put my kids through it. Apparently it's much more common oop north where I'm originally from but unusual down here.

OH wants to double barrel the names for this baby and I really really hate that! I'm seriously considering changing my name to his by deed poll before she is born

euronorris

Personally, I would go with the father's surname as, well, he's the father and I'm quite traditional in that sense.

But, whichever you choose, there's no reason why it can't be changed later on anyway (not as far as I am aware anyway - correct me if I am wrong).

looby75

My sister gave her dd her then partners surname.....they later split up and shortly afterwards she found out she was expecting again, she gave her second dd her dads surname and then changed her own surname by deed-poll so that they all have the same surname. She won't be having anymore children and has said that if she ever did get married she would keep her daughters surname all the same.

An unusual decision maybe but it works for them

suited-aces

amcluesent wrote: »

If you're asking that question, I can't see you staying together much longer...just saying.

What exactly is that based on?

euronorris

esio_trot wrote: »

same situation for me actually. Relationship of 5 years, living together for 4. Baby will be getting his dad's surname, not mine. He'll also be getting dad's first name as it's a family thing but that's a whole other point I never really considered using my surname to be honest, my idea is that OH will get over his whole marriage phobia eventually and we'll both have the same surname anyway.

You might want to point out to him that, unless he has a very comprehensive and up to date will, getting married will actually be beneficial for his child.

God forbid, should the worst happen, that child wouldn't automatically be entitled to anything. He/she would have to fight their way through red tape. Not to mention the problems it would cause you. Even if he's badly hurt and in hospital, you wouldn't have any rights to see him or make decisions about medical care (if he was unable to), as you're not his next of kin.

Sooo....if he doesn't want to get married, at the very least he should sort his will out - comprehensively!

arbroath_lass

If I were unmarried there's no way my child would have the father's surname. If you do get married (to anyone) and you really want everyone to have the same name hubby can change his name to yours. Much simpler all round -and not at all uncommon.