Wrongly Accused, Urgent Advice Needed

Contains_Mild_Peril

I know this is a very traumatic time for you and your family, so I'd like to offer you all a big hug.
I'm not really familiar with procedures in England and Wales, unfortunately. In Scotland, the system is different. As montrose5 says, keep a diary of all events and conversations - it's very easy for things to get twisted, as you've already seen, when the social worker interpreted your refusal of of the specific contact appointment offered because it clashed with your soliciotr's appointment as "declining to see your son". That's the sort of thing that can sound bad when quoted out of context, and I don't know the specific personnel involved, but I'm afraid I've met social workers who make a habit of taking things out of context.
Even if your partner did leave, it might not help as much as he would hope: Social Services might not believe that you were no longer in contact, so if he tried to help you by leaving, it might only make things harder for your kids unnecessarily.
Try to get as much information as possible about what's happened so far, e.g. when were the injuries noticed, when did he see a doctor, when were the accusations made and to whom, etc. Ask your solicitor about your entitlement to information, although at this stage, sensitive information relating to an ongoing investigation may be legitimately withheld.
They are NOT entitled to deny this child visits with his parent(s) in the long term just because it suits them to do so. They must act in the child's best interests. At the moment, they are having to err on the side of caution because allegations have been made so it's not clear to them what is in his interests until matters are investigated, but it's not fair of them to keep your son from seeing you.

viktory

ts_aly2000 wrote:

I'm very sorry to read of this anon43 and I have only one thing to say, "Bloody Social Workers!!"

I think this is unfair. Don't get me wrong, I have every sympathy with the OP, but the social workers are doing their jobs - and thankless jobs they are as well. When something does go wrong in a family and the social workers haven't acted they get berated left, right and centre.

They have to act on information given and are apparently following all the procedures laid out.

I do hope it all works out OK for the OP.

Contains_Mild_Peril

Though they appear to have been following the correct procedure here, there are still criticisms I would make, particularly the lack of information provided to the mother and probably also to the child, who is likely to be very confused. There should have been much better communication from the start.
I do take the point that child care social workers often face criticism whatever they do, and the public and media can sometimes be unfair in their criticisms: with the benefit of hindsight, they think unpredictable events ought to have been predicted, and that social workers should have realised things they couldn't possibly have known.

Savvy_Sue

A while ago in Discussion Time I asked for suggestions of support organisations for parents not able to get access to their children, and was pointed to FACT. Although they are NOT the right organisation for the OP, on their home page there is a list of organisations who might be.

anon43 wrote:

My partner has just come out with the comment that he is going to leave and let me get on with it, the way he is looking at it is that if he isnt here then the problem will go away, he feels he is forcing me to choose between my son and himself although that isnt the case.

I agree with those who say it wouldn't help, and I hope you can help him see that it might do more harm than good. If he leaves, and IF your son is believed despite the medical evidence, then there is an argument which goes that YOU did not protect your son from his stepfather. Presumably he would want to retain contact with his own children, and that opens a whole other can of worms.

And yes, I agree that if there was no sign of these injuries 3 days before your son went into care, and he hasn't seen his stepfather while he's been in care, it seems unlikely that your OH could be responsible for them.

Love and hugs.

ts_aly2000

viktory wrote:

I think this is unfair. Don't get me wrong, I have every sympathy with the OP, but the social workers are doing their jobs - and thankless jobs they are as well. When something does go wrong in a family and the social workers haven't acted they get berated left, right and centre.

They have to act on information given and are apparently following all the procedures laid out.

I do hope it all works out OK for the OP.

Don't blame it on me, blame it on the system. Social workers are notorious for not only being totally incompetent and disorganised like most other government departments, but destroying families based on a passing comment, and then totally ignoring blatant abuse that goes on for years.

Did I say I wasn't sympathetic to the OP? as I'm totally behind them if it needs spelling out. So don't try and twist my words over symantics to make yourself look better.

Bossyboots

Contains_Mild_Peril wrote:

Though they appear to have been following the correct procedure here, there are still criticisms I would make, particularly the lack of information provided to the mother and probably also to the child, who is likely to be very confused. There should have been much better communication from the start.
I do take the point that child care social workers often face criticism whatever they do, and the public and media can sometimes be unfair in their criticisms: with the benefit of hindsight, they think unpredictable events ought to have been predicted, and that social workers should have realised things they couldn't possibly have known.

The lack of information provided to the mother is to prevent her tipping off her partner before the police interview and forestall an attempt to remove the child from care and potentially fleeing. Again, this is completely standard in this situation. The fact that they have now revealed the information without arresting the OP or her partner first is an encouraging sign but while there is still an investigation going on, contact should be supervised to prevent any discussion about the allegation. This benefits the OP and her partner as well as the police/social services as it then ensures that they are not left open to an allegation of coaching which might otherwise be the case if she sees the child alone.

viktory

ts_aly2000 wrote:

Don't blame it on me, blame it on the system. Social workers are notorious for not only being totally incompetent and disorganised like most other government departments, but destroying families based on a passing comment, and then totally ignoring blatant abuse that goes on for years.

Did I say I wasn't sympathetic to the OP? as I'm totally behind them if it needs spelling out. So don't try and twist my words over symantics to make yourself look better.

Don't blame what on you? Can you please point out where in my post I implied that you were not sympathetic?

Whilst I can understand the OP's frustration, I think inflammatory comments like yours are pointless and offer no help whatsoever.

As I have previously stated, social workers do an extremely difficult job and they are damed if they do and damned if they don't. I totally agree that social workers can and do get it wrong, with often horrdendous results. Families being destroyed or, worse still, children end up dead. Perhaps all this criticism is exactly why they are being so careful to ensure that procedures are followed and the complaint is investigated to it's fullest extent?

It is this exact point makes your post illogical. You are criticising social workers for doing exactly what they are supposed to do - act on information given. The OP's son has made an allegation and the social workers are investigating that allegation.

Of course, the OP doesn't like the way they are handling it. Who would? I am sure that their investigation is intrusive and downright frightening. The fact remains, however, that social workers have a duty of care to the OP's son. Should the fact that he has ADHD mean that his allegation is ignored? Would you consider it enough that the OP says, "Hey, I know my partner wouldn't do that" The child is only six years old. How would you, or anyone on this forum feel if the social workers failed to act and the child ended up seriously hurt, or worse? It has happened and the social workers took all the flak for failing to protect the children involved.

I am not suggesting for a minute that the OP or her partner has done anything to her son, but the point I am trying to make is a simple one - an allegation has been made by a six year child against the OP's partner. It has to be investigated.

Let us also remember that we are only hearing this from the OP's perspective. The OP states that the social workers are being difficult, but with all due respect to the OP we have only had one side of the story.

I accept that mistakes are made by social workers, we are all human and to err is human but surely everyone, even the OP, would rather that all allegations are fully investigated. Personally, I would rather social workers investigate each and every allegation made if it means that just one child is saved from a horrendous death at the hands of those that are supposed to love and care from them. Wouldn't you?

hjb123

Gosh,

I hope everything works out for the OP, it must be such a stressful time. I hope that the truth comes out and the situation is resolved so as not to casue more harm or disturbance than has already been caused.

Keep us updated - theres always someone on here to offer advise or to talk to - dont keep it bottled up inside.

anon43_2

i cant do this anymore i need help i really do

the police and social services have just come banging on my door demanding to see my partner who wasnt here they then accused me of lying and proceeded to search my house checking cupboards and underneath beds to make sure he wasnt here.
social services then told me my home was dirty - its far from it there were a few toys on the floor from where my daughter had been playing but that was it.
they have made me sign a form to say that my partner isnt allowed in my home or anywhere near my other 2 children until this matter has been resolved. If i do then they will take my other 2 children away from me.
the social worker stood there and completly contradicted everything she had said previously and when i questioned her she told me i was lying, she also had the nerve to tell me i looked stressed out :mad:
my partner then came home and as soon as he walked through the door they arrested him in front of my other 2 children and then when my partner asked questions (which were the same questions as i asked them before he arrived) the social worker again gave him completly different answers again.
I repeatedly asked when these allegations had been made the social worker then admitted she didnt know the police told me they would discuss it with me once 'uniform' had arrived to transport my partner to the police station.
When uniform arrived they then decided to search and handcuff my partner in front of both of my daughters which upset my eldest an awful lot i asked them repeatedly if they could go into another room to do it and they ignored my requests.
Once they had taken him to the police car in full view of both my other 2 children and all of my neighbours who all had there curtains twitching to seer what was going on.
the police then spoke to me and all they would tell me was that they couldnt discuss it with me until after they had interviewed my partner.
they then left.

i feel like my whole life has been torn into pieces, they have ripped my family apart, i seriously cant cope with this anymore

Edinburghlass_2

Savvy_Sue wrote:

A while ago in Discussion Time I asked for suggestions of support organisations for parents not able to get access to their children, and was pointed to FACT. Although they are NOT the right organisation for the OP, on their home page there is a list of organisations.

Check out the website quoted here by Savvy_Sue and look at the list of websites quoted there for websites that will help you.

Don't mean to sound harsh but MSE is not the website to find the actual help that you need at this moment apart from the suggestons given to you by Bossyboots and above from Savvy_Sue.

Pick up the phone and try CAB now as regards a lawyer for yourself and/or partner.