Birth Partner - am I being unfair?

jackieglasgow

Well done for sticking to your guns Gemma and not letting them walk all over you. I hope the rest of your pregnancy passes uneventfully and she keeps her opinion to herself for the sake of your blood pressure. X

MatyMoo

Wonder where she thinks your tipping point is??????

Glad the baby's name has come up today, it will giver her time to get used to it (if she had forgotten) and I am proud of you (again) for giving your ex the choice for the middle name.

You really are so level headed and fair (even when you have every reason not to be).

GobbledyGook

MatyMoo wrote: »

Wonder where she thinks your tipping point is??????

Glad the baby's name has come up today, it will giver her time to get used to it (if she had forgotten) and I am proud of you (again) for giving your ex the choice for the middle name.

You really are so level headed and fair (even when you have every reason not to be).

I'm beginning to think she believes I don't have one. She's getting me close to it I can tell you.

I'm glad as well. I don't entirely believe that she had forgotten about the name, I think she was just hoping that enough pressure from them about their family traditions would lead to me giving in. They believe that they all got to choose DD1's name, but I actually loved it and got my way by saying that I thought we should have a family name etc and how wonderful a woman ex's Grandmother was. Hey presto they came up with the name and I accepted it :rotfl: It also meant I entirely got my way with DD2 :rotfl:

I don't see the point in being nasty to the ex. It's going to be a great many years before we can ever be out of each other's lives for good - if ever at all. I've had enough rows in my life and I certainly don't want my girls to have the horrid, argument-ridden childhood I had. He's still their Daddy at the end of the day, even if I do want to smack his face in still :rotfl:

Thanks MatyMoo & Jackie

Zazen999

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Well today was a bizarre day. MIL told me that she was "very upset by the whole saga" (i.e. my marriage breaking up) and that everyone has a tipping point.

I find this the most hurtful of all the comments actually; does she think you are made of stone?

Not going to be rude but I can't believe she said this to you!

Ladyhawk

I agree with ^^^^

Does she think the break up of your marriage was a walk in the park for you? That she was affect more than you and your daughters? What a strange thing to say!

pebbles88

Hi Gobbledygook,

have just read all your posts on all the threads from start to here.

you have been so strong and dignified throughout this. I hope you are very proud of how you have looked after yourself and your children.

Not long til your new LO comes, bet the girls cant wait?

no doubt the ex rues the day (and months) he behaved like an utter t**t. serves him bloody right!!

(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

Savvy_Sue

pebbles88 wrote: »

no doubt the ex rues the day (and months) he behaved like an utter t**t. serves him bloody right!!

the question is, though, has he learned his lesson? maybe on another thread, but G said something like she wasn't that surprised about the one night stand, she knew what he was like when drunk. It really saddens me that a grown and half-decent sounding man doesn't know a) when to stop drinking and b) when to keep his zip up. And I'd hope he does now, especially as he then didn't know how to deal with the emotional fallout from it all.

I've got boys, and I'd be SO sad if they behaved as he did. I know I sound like a cracked record, but I do remind them, regularly, that No means No, and Never Sleep With Your Brother's Girlfriend (the Archers!) and that if you're too drunk to know what's going on, you're too drunk. I just hope some of it sinks in.

jackieglasgow

You are so right, SavvySue, I also have boys, and we are trying to instil a strong sense of decency into them about life in general, but also of how to be respectful of women, and sex and relationships. MY OH has behaved in an exemplary fashion in all the years I've known him, and is setting them a good example so far, but I/we are very conscious of makin g sure they become respectful and decent men.

GobbledyGook

I think the ex has learned his lesson. I know what he's like when he's drunk, and so did he which was why he'd not had more than 1 beer or a glass of champagne/wine at events for quite a few years. As soon as I heard he'd got drunk I wasn't surprised as he'd stopped drinking for a reason.

I don't excuse him in any way, but I can understand now why he decided to have a few drinks with the lads. He was/is just too stupid unfortunately to realise when enough is enough. He's been tee-total since he split with the girlfriend and although it's not been long he seems to have realised that a few beers is really not worth the side of him that comes out when he's indulged.

The emotional maturity, or lack of, was something that caught me totally by surprise. He's older than me (though not by much, but still) and has always been alright in that sense. However, with the way MIL has been in the past few days I can see where he gets it from.

He was a very mollycoddled child and when we first got together it took quite a bit of "training" to make him wind his neck in on a few bits. I guess, perhaps, he just learned how to hide his whinges rather than cured him totally.

I do think that part of the whole problem was that we were very much a couple who were each other's whole world. I was his best friend that he confided in, he was mine, he was my badminton partner, I helped him with his finances, he helped me with my organisation. We did everything together and we didn't really have anyone outwith us that we could turn too. Sadly that meant when he did have the one night stand he didn't have anyone to talk too, except the woman he slept with. She doesn't get all the blame, but given that during a conversation recently she almost had ME feeling sorry for her (before I realised what she was doing) I think she gets a very large chunk of it.

I actually think not that there were parts of our relationship that were very unhealthy. It's so apparent to me now when you consider that my normal sounding boards were my husband and my MIL (or my cousin, but she's so busy with her family we don't really get together that often). For my ex his sounding boards were me or my cousin's husband, his best friend. Neither of us had anywhere to turn. I'll never, ever make that mistake again - at the moment I can't see me ever having another relationship again, but I know never to say never.

It's just sad because I loved my husband with all my heart. If he'd been able to turn to me sooner and handle it better I think we'd have had a chance. I could possibly forgive him for what he done to me, but I can't ever see a way to forgive him for the way he acted towards the children. I just can't.

Thanks for all the support. Goodness knows where I would be without this place to chat/vent/ask questions on.

Gemma x

Kaz2904

I'm sad that you've had such a bad time. I'm excited about babies middle names! When I was reading his name was to be Josiah, I thought ooh, Edward would be lovely with that (before I read your options that is!). Edward is my DS's middle name and also my nephews middle name- it was my Grandfathers middle name too which was why I chose it, don't know about my sister (I hadn't realised that I was pregnant with DS when grandad died but we couldn't very well call him Cedric and decided against Edward as his christian name).
Anyhoo, I digress! I think that Josiah Edward is a delightful upstanding name. If Grant is to be used then I think that it needs to have Edward or Kendal before it to keep the rhythm of the name. Espescially if you have a harsh surname. Otherwise it will be lilting harsh harsh IYSWIM?