Birth Partner - am I being unfair?

GobbledyGook

They came round. It didn't go as badly as I thought it would, but I did have to be really firm with MIL because she really tried to lay the guilt trip on me.

After about an hour of discussing things I told them that we could do things in two ways. We could either continue the way we have been doing things for the past few months - ex and I decided things, PIL are fabulously supportive and helpful and we're all very close. Or we could continue with them trying to push their own opinions on me, we'd fall out and I'd end up only willing to discuss things or deal with Ex which would have a massive impact on their relationship with me and that would impact most on the children.

I told them that I was shattered and in pain so asked them to leave at that point. I said it was up to them where we went from here, I would be devestated if we ended up like a stereotypical split family where the in-laws and the ex-daughter-in-law didn't get on. I love them to bits, as do my girls and I hoped that their relationship with the new baby was going to be the same as with the girls. It's exceptionally important to me that my children have a close family, but they need their mother on top form more so I won't sacrifice the second to have the first. Hopefully I don't have to sacrifice the first to have the second either, but that is entirely up to them.

We're all out at a Christening tomorrow so I guess time shall tell. On the upside Ex was entirely on my side and was quite annoyed at his mother for possibly causing trouble. As he was leaving FIL said he'd always be there for me and the kids no matter what so hopefully he's having a word in her ear too.

Thanks for the support everyone. Gemma x

BitterAndTwisted

Well, with you and the ex in agreement and your FIL being so supportive as well I think it's only a matter of time before MIL realises that she's been trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. I'm sure everything will go back to normal quite soon. I do hope so

Savvy_Sue

That sounds about as good as it could be, short of MIL caving in and apologising.

And your ex sounds about as good as an ex can be, albeit a little stunted in his emotional development ... even imagining that what he did could in any way be 'less painful' than admitting the truth and facing the music.

GobbledyGook

BitterAndTwisted - I hope so. I'm just going to have to try and deal with the upset the whole thing has put me through. I'm heartbroken by the whole thing. I can't believe she has done this. Just as I'm getting back on my feet I feel just as bad as I did the week after my marriage collapsed.

I'm just trying to be calm for the baby and my girls. They need me more than I need MIL. I'll just need to deal with it all without letting the girls realise anything is wrong, which isn't proving easy.

BitterAndTwisted

Your mother might not be able change how she feels but knowing that you and your ex are in agreement might persuade her to set it aside for everyone's sakes. Once they see their beautiful, brand-spanking-new grandson for the first time all will be forgotten as it'll all be over and done with and won't matter any more.

GobbledyGook

I hope so BitterAndTwisted.

Although I know it's going to kick off over his name :rotfl:so I might claim not to have one for a few days, just for the peace!

BitterAndTwisted

You're not going to call him Wolfstan are you?

GobbledyGook

Ooh hadn't thought of that one :rotfl:

No, he's going to be called Josiah. They know it, but they've forgotten I think. It was my Grandfather's name and I told ex before we even got engaged that my first son was going to be called that so not to consider marrying me if he didn't agree :rotfl:

Choc-addict

Just been reading your thread and wanted to wish you lots of luck with your pending little one and indeed your future. I really hope that things with MIL eases, you are justified in everything that you have said/asked.

Take care xx

Savvy_Sue

If it wasn't unfair to the little one, it would be tempting to call him Ben or Bar (son of) and add the Hebrew for 'idiot' to it ...

Or is it his surname you're determined about?

Cross posted. Josiah is a lovely name. Informally he might be Joe, but he'll know he's in trouble if you call him Josiah, especially if you add any middle name.

Is there a middle name which would 'work' with it from your ex's side of the family? Would that help at all?