Birth Partner - am I being unfair?

GobbledyGook

His surname will be my married name. It's still my name and it's the name the girls have. I don't intend to change away from it (I hate the association with my "father's" surname that I used to have).

I think they'll expect him to be called either Benjamin or Louis as they have a strong family tradition of those two names (or Edward), but I've always planned to use Josiah.

Savvy_Sue - :rotfl::rotfl:

GobbledyGook

Not sure yet about the middle name Sue. I imagine they'll want it to be Benjamin (after his Grandfather), but my father was called Ben so I hate the name with a passion.

I'm going to suggest Josiah Edward to them (that is the name of MIL's father) or Josiah Grant (FIL's mother's maiden name) and see what they think. At a push I'd accept Josiah Louis, but I don't think it goes well.

Savvy_Sue

How many syllables does your surname have, and what's its rhythm? You don't have to tell us, but Josiah Edward would sound particularly fine with a short surname, IMO. ta-TUM-ta TUM-ta TUM IYSWIM. Josiah Benjamin has no right rhythm at all, and nor does Josiah Louis. (Actually if you say Benjamin the Hebrew way it would be OK, BEN ya-MEEN, but it's unlikely anyone ever would.

The rhythm of the full name is extremely important in bringing up children, IMO. As I said, if I ever have to say FIRSTname NEXTname TUM-ta-ta (or FIRSTname NEXT TUM-ta-ta for DS2) they have always KNOWN I meant business. :rotfl: (You'll understand my surname is not TUM-ta-ta, but that's the rhythm of it.)

Mind you, you could wind them up with MaHAH-shalAL-hashBAZ as his middle name, that's another good Jewish one. :rotfl: I may have spelt it wrong, so apologies if anyone knows better.

GobbledyGook

We have a short, sharp surname. It's one syllable so suits a name like Josiah I think.

I also think that Josiah goes nicely with my girls names'.

I get what you mean about the names. Although I'm a little disappointed your name is not Sue Tumtata :rotfl:

I think I will suggest that middle name. Although there is also a chance they'll come up with the name of a Catholic Saint to "even" it up with a middle name :rotfl:

MatyMoo

I think you have maintained your dignity throughout all this and deserve a medal.

When I read everything you have been through in life things could have turned out so differently. But you have chosen an amazing path through life and are a great role model for your girls, as I am sure you will be for your son.

I also applaud you for the way you are managing to keep a civil relationship with your ex for the children, my Mum did this when my Dad left and I am eternally grateful to her for that, especially when I see how other women use their children as weapons and bargaining tools - so unfair on the children IMHO.

Your last comment on SavvySue's surname also shows that you have managed to retain a sense of humour too.

Gobbledygook, I really do applaud you :T:T:T

Brighton_belle

Gobbled Gook - I feel much the same as Matty moo and really admire you.
I'm so sorry you have had o go through this and I can't understand why your m-in-law has suddenly done this. I am relieved to hear your ex and FIL were actually on your side.
I truely hope you feel better soon: you have been through enough.

GobbledyGook

Thanks Mattymoo, BB, sue and eveyone else. Just getting on with it as there's nowt else for it really.

Gemma x

*Louise*

Looks like the crisis point is over for you just now, your body, your choice - I'm glad they are coming round to your way of thinking.

Most people wouldn't have dealt with it as calmly as you have - you have done so well and seem to be lovely DIL material :T

Savvy_Sue

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I get what you mean about the names. Although I'm a little disappointed your name is not Sue Tumtata :rotfl:

I shall bear it in mind for next time I need a forum name. I have another one based on my mum's childhood advice: Remember the Deaf Old Lady at the Back. But I don't like that one much because I am desperately trying NOT to be the Deaf Old Lady - Grumpy Old Woman I can cope with.

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I think I will suggest that middle name. Although there is also a chance they'll come up with the name of a Catholic Saint to "even" it up with a middle name :rotfl:

Edward is a good saints name: google St Edward the Confessor? (Actually he's not who I thought he was, but he IS Catholic, which I wasn't convinced of initially!)

It also has the advantage of being a name from each side. Which right now is gracious of you, and should be appreciated.

GobbledyGook

Well today was a bizarre day. MIL told me that she was "very upset by the whole saga" (i.e. my marriage breaking up) and that everyone has a tipping point. I assume I was being expected to bend over backwards, forget her words and give her all the sympathy in the world, but to be brutally honest it took every ounce of energy I had to get the girls and I to the Christening.

I told her that I understood that, but said that perhaps she should take any anger she has out on her son given that he caused the situation.

Also, as expected, the baby's name came up to day when someone (who obviously remembered better than the IL's about my previous pregnancies) asked if baby Josiah had a middle name yet. MIL replied that "the baby" didn't have a middle name yet and was not happy when FIL pitched in "that baby has been Josiah since before we knew he was a boy" :rotfl:

So I gave the ex the options of Edward, Grant or Kendal (his grandmother's maiden name) and said he could pick the maiden name. I think MIL is fuming about Benjamin and Louis not being choices, but she's worn away my niceness.

On the upside the girls had a lovely day with their family, although the youngest did have the whole church in stitches when she asked, loudly, why that man was pouring water over the baby's head :rotfl:

Thanks for all the support. It's very much appreciated. Gemma x