Opinions..

wiltedwillow

flippin36 wrote: »

wiltedwillow, what do you do for his birthday?

A cake, card and a present, just something normal

Amber07

wiltedwillow wrote: »

It was late and I felt down anyway and I knew if I didn't do dinner it would end up in a row, so I just did it.

I would have risked the row...if you don't let him know how you feel he can't be expected to change.

Women can read minds...men can't lol

flippin36

wiltedwillow wrote: »

A cake, card and a present, just something normal

In which case, there is no excuse. No wonder you are feeling low . Hopefully he has got the message and it will be different next year

LEJC

you really should sit down with your husband and discuss this,possibly have the row and get it all off your chest but I think he needs to know how you feel.
Clearly his actions on your birthday were wide of the mark .... but how have you treated each other since? does he know the depth of your feelings?.....
Im sure a couple of bottles of perfume would be nice but I think you truely need to explain to him its more about respecting you and treating you more like a wife and less like the hired help.
If he really is a no card and no present kind of bloke then thats fine and accept that but it also means that you wont have to bother with anything for him....
good luck...and happy belated birthday!

pigpen

I wouldn't have got you a card either.. it is an expensive and useless piece of paper.. poor trees!!

why did your dad not give you enough food for you and hubby? If you were to take it home to eat it seems a bit odd that he only gave you one portion.

Before you have hubby hung drawn and quartered.. Is it possible he has a surprise up his sleeve for the weekend? Whisking you away or a romantic dinner out?

I'd have huffed if I didn't get a present.. given that I always buy my OH a birthday gift. In fact I am so wet I even bought my XH a birthday present on behalf of the children so they had something to give him.. ditto fathers day and christmas.. (I gave my mother £20 to give to my oldest daughter at christmas to buy me a christmas present.. because XH wouldn't have done that for her.. apparently she cried on my mother when she was given it as she had been wanting to buy something but too worried about the money or lack of it!)

euronorris

wiltedwillow wrote: »

It was late and I felt down anyway and I knew if I didn't do dinner it would end up in a row, so I just did it.

I understand where you are coming from, but I'm sure that, by now, he knows this also and plays on it.

Next time, refuse politely - with a smile on your face and if he complains, just ignore him. He can't argue with you if you don't respond.

Or, if he complained, you could always say to him 'Well, if you expect me to respect your wishes, and be considerate of your feelings, by cooking you dinner, then I also expect you to respect my wishes and treat me a little on my Birthday. It's a two way street darling.'.

Whatever you do, on his next birthday, don't bother doing a thing for him. I think he needs a little taste of his own medicine.

shellsuit

For those who think cards are a waste of time and money, we keep special cards, both birthday and Christmas.

You never know what will happen to people and they're always nice to look back on and remember.

I still have a card from my Nan and Grandad for my first Christmas (1975!), my Grandad passed away not long after that so it's nice I still have that little reminder of him.

wiltedwillow

why did your dad not give you enough food for you and hubby? If you were to take it home to eat it seems a bit odd that he only gave you one portion.

Because it was late and I assumed he would have already eaten


Before you have hubby hung drawn and quartered.. Is it possible he has a surprise up his sleeve for the weekend? Whisking you away or a romantic dinner out?

No as he doesn't do holidays or dinners out, there are no surprises

valos_mummy

Tell him you're having another birthday; like the queen lol! It'll be next week, on x day and will be his chance at redemption. You would like a card, a cake and a token of his affection for you - and no; not the perfume he was guilt tripped into buying. Something that shows thought, it doesn't have to be of great value either, in case he moans about the cost.

Until this birthday, you will be on strike. His dinner will be from a selection of microwave meals, or prepared by his own fair hand if he doesn't like it. The most basic of chores can be done but any special request will be met with a curt "no". Normal service can resume after your birthday, and on provision he has made the effort to treat you as his wife and not his skivvy.

Danstar_2

I totally feel for the OP. For my 21st bday my parent didnt get me a gift, my mum had work but said shed make blueberry pancakes - my favourite - for breakfast but "was running" late. Neither of them organised any kind of party and the only present I got was 21 off mum and same off Dad as token gifts because "they didn't know what I'd wanted" I felt so upset that neither of them had bothered to so anything or get me anything special as this is meant to be the big adult birthday. I felt palmed off and like they didn't really care/have time for me.

I felt unable to confront them on it because I don't have a spoilt personality that would do this so after a fee days when it had really got to me I texted them both explaining how I felt. They'd known it was coming for 21 years. That I didn't expect or want anything out of the message as my birthday had been and gone. It was over. I just felt they had to know they hurt me.

To make things worse I'm very considerate to my parents for my mums birthday for her after work, her bday is in January and it's freezing and dark outside, I bought about 10 cards from Hallmark. I had one at the door telling her to take her shoes off one as she opened the door telling her to look at th radiator - her slippers were on them all warned up. Another one telling her to the bottom of the staircase. Another to go upstairs to the landing another to the bath room and anothe to open the door. Here was a bubble bath, candles, a bottle of champagne in a cooler and a glass already poorer with a bowl of marshmallows (get favorite sweets) because she'd appreciate this more than buying her a present.

It wasn't even a special birthday just her 43rd. To get palmed off so bad I was so let down by my parents. My dad, self employed runs his own business so can, and does, has all the time off he wants posted me a card - arrived a day late and a phone call on the day at half 3. If it wasn't for my girlfriend taking me out for lunch it would have been so depressing.

Sorry if the OP thinks I hijacked her thread just empathising through relative experience.