Girlfriend leaving but wants half of house

looby75

hobo28 wrote:

Ouch! I SO want to swear right now. Bear in mind that "most men" do their duty and their utmost best to minimise the suffering of their kids You only generally hear about those men who do swan off, not those who do their best. Also, remember that men get the rough end of the stick. Society expects women to have the kids automatically and the law pretty much backs this concept. How many fathers have HAD to walk away since the law completely failed to help???

As for the womb thing, what a load of b****cks! I cannot imagine anyone including the mother of my children loving my kids more than I do. How being in the womb has anything to do with women not leaving their kids, I will never know. I'd love to see the scientific evidence of that!

Society expects kids to be with their mum. There's no evidence that mothers automatically make better parents. My ex left me with the children. She did fight for them 2 years later when I decided to move. She almost won too then gave in at the 11th hour. Her "compromise" was actually worse than what I was offering day 1. I now realise that it was because all she really wanted was someone to blame. She could then blame me when those people point and ask "how could she give up her own kids?"

swear away!!!

I don't want to sound patronising, but I know that what I am about to say will.

I had a feeling from your very first post that you were a dad who had raised his children.

You are to be commended for your commitment to your children. Just as any parent is.

But you are still the exception rather than the rule. I stand by my observation that maternal instinct is something that, for most women, is as natural as breathing and as alien as suffocating.


Sorry if it sounds simplistic but every fibre in my body screams to me that I need to be with my kids. I've never met a man yet who feels that way too.

roswell

sounds like cake eating to me get her out.

grex9101

hankc35 wrote:

Steve,

I dont think you will get alot of sympathy on this forum, I think there are alot of hard done by's who men have run off with a younger model.

I'm sure there are lots of things you could do to make this as difficult as possible, first refuse to leave the house, second if you have to put the house on the market put it on at an inflated price that it wont sell at, keep it going on for years, I sure your ex will find somebody else to sponge off soon enough.

I think to offer to look after and care for your son was a heroic gesture, but women often look at children as "cash cows" and whether she thinks he would be better off with you or not she wont do whats best for the child, she will do whats best for herself and whats best to line her pockets, whilst she moves on to the next target (the 3rd?) to repeat the process all over again, its all some of them know and I'm sorry you got caught, but its very common.

HanK

What a breath of fresh air hank. A far more mature and level headed post than the ones from all the bitter and twisted women.

WELL SAID!

ben500

looby75 wrote:

swear away!!!

I don't want to sound patronising, but I know that what I am about to say will.

I had a feeling from your very first post that you were a dad who had raised his children.

You are to be commended for your commitment to your children. Just as any parent is.

But you are still the exception rather than the rule. I stand by my observation that maternal instinct is something that, for most women, is as natural as breathing and as alien as suffocating.
Sorry if it sounds simplistic but every fibre in my body screams to me that I need to be with my kids. I've never met a man yet who feels that way too.

In that case you need to go out more, to say a mother has a greater bond with the children than the father is utter drivel. Just as it would be to say a fathers bond is greater than that of a mother, insitutionalised speculation.

hobo28

looby75 wrote:

Sorry if it sounds simplistic but every fibre in my body screams to me that I need to be with my kids. I've never met a man yet who feels that way too.

I don't want to hijack this thread and go off topic so I'll keep this short.

How do you know that most fathers don't feel the same way too? Society does not allow men to display emotions like women do.

wigginsmum

looby75 wrote:

Sorry if it sounds simplistic but every fibre in my body screams to me that I need to be with my kids. I've never met a man yet who feels that way too.

After his wife walked out on him taking the kids, DH cried in my arms the first Christmas because he couldn't see his kids; it was physical pain as much as emotional for him. It left me absolutely sure that this man has a bond with his kids which is the same as any woman's maternal instinct. For the past 8 years he has driven 30 miles after work to see them several times a week, we have them to stay regularly during weekends/holidays, and he speaks to them daily on the phone. And he still misses them every day.

Dazzieboo

It is refreshing to read about Fathers who do care about their children, who do want to see them. I suppose I was just unlucky in landing myself with one who doesn't give 2 hoots. It restores my faith in Men a little when I read about caring Dad's.

seven-day-weekend

looby75 wrote:

swear away!!!

I don't want to sound patronising, ..... every fibre in my body screams to me that I need to be with my kids. I've never met a man yet who feels that way too.

It does sound patronising I'm afraid, and also generalises from the particular.

There are plenty of men who show 'father-love' and plenty of women who show no 'mother love'. Also, in my case and I'm sure in may others, my husband is as important to me as my son. I love them equally, but differently. You make it sound as though the father is just a sperm donor with no other contribution to make to the mystical and mysterious female-only process of childbearing and rearing.


I don't blame the OP for wanting to salvage something from his relationship. He is going to lose his girlfriend and his sons. Why should he lose his stake in the home too? She will have a new partner and both her children, he will have none of these.

rchddap1

Firstly father's can have just as strong a bond with their kids as their mother. The fact that they didn't physically carry them for 9 months makes no difference.

Every other weekend we travel 100 miles to see my partner's daughters and then 100 miles back. If they said 'jump' he'd ask how high. If one of them is in trouble or needs help he starts pacing around the house wanting to jump in the car to see them to simply give them a cuddle. His kids are his life and will always be.

As far as the OP's original query I would suggest a quick chat with a solicitor just to see how them land lies legally. Once you know that you can start to have some serious discussions with your ex-partner about how things should be moving forward.

have to admit though....the idea of cuddling on the sofa with someone who has told me that they don't want to be with me and don't love me any more is extremely uncomfortable and hard for me to understand.

lisa_75

hobo28 wrote:

I don't want to hijack this thread and go off topic so I'll keep this short.

How do you know that most fathers don't feel the same way too? Society does not allow men to display emotions like women do.

I have spoken to my husband on the very issue and he says he loves me and the children equally, but if there was a fire in the house he would choose me. Now any woman reading this will know that the love you feel for your children is unique and so very strong that nothing, not even the love for your husband, can even compare.

I thought I knew what love was until I gave birth. As looby said I found it as natural as breathing as soon as they were born. I put my kids and their needs first most of the time, I have yet to meet a man who does this.

I am not saying ALL men feel this way. Of course there are exceptions to the rule as there are also women that leave their kids. I know about 8 single parents closely. In all cases, but one, the father does not see the children. We are not just talking casual relationships here, but a couple of long term marriages. My friend’s father walked out when she was 10, she has never seen him since. The father that does see his child seems him every weekend and is very committed, so there are good absent dads out there. Unfortunately for many children they are just not commonplace enough.