Girlfriend leaving but wants half of house

Phatmouse

pink_phantom wrote:

Who said she had an affair? I thought they split THEN she found a new partner.

Having read his post again it does sound as though she still lives in the house. Then again who knows, the OP seems less interested in the situation then we are

kittykate_2

Seek legal advice and see what they say,. but it'll probs be whats been said already on here.

TBH I think you are better off just giving her what she's due and having done with it. Let the next fool fall for her and thank god you got away now and not ten years down the line when you were married with more kids.

Get out there and find a woman who is right for you. You sound like a nice guy and I'm sure you'll be able to find someone else.

Phatmouse

jordan_gibson wrote:

Me and my partner are going seperate ways after I found out she had slept with the next door neighbour. (I bet she wished she deleted her text messages now!!)

We have a 2 year old boy and are currently living in a house with both names on the mortgage so we will split the equity when we sell it (the house is actually already sold as we were in the process of moving house).

All I want is to make sure that my lad is looked after and at the end of the day I know that my partner (now ex-partner) is a fantastic mum becuase my little lad is perfect! We have therefore worked out what I will pay in maintainance (15% of nett wage) each month but I'm not sure where I stand on the housing front?? If we find a house/flat for them then do I have to pay all of the rent, bills etc?? I would not have thought that this was the case becuase I obviously have to find somewhere to live (in Leeds which will cost ££££) but was hoping that someone would have some idea or experience on a situation like this.

Money is always an issue (hence why I come here) but I am fortunate to have a cracking job as a Professional golfer so just want to make sure that my lad has everything, whilst still allowing myself to physically live.

Thanks for any advice!

This from another post on the same subject, it just goes to show every one is different

ben500

Girlfriend leaving but wants half of house

Tell her fine I'll have the inside you can have the outside here's your bag!:rotfl:

ben500

looby75 wrote:

He has my full sympathy, and I agree that what his g/f has done is very unfair to him. BUT what I don't agree with is that because she hasn't worked and put money into the home she hasn't contributed to the house and isn't entitled to a share of it.

It's a very difficult situation, but when all is said and done fair or not there is only one way to handle all this and that's the way that is best for the children involved. Kicking the kids out of their home or separating siblings really isn't the best way to do that.

Nor is automatically assuming he should be the one to leave and surrender his children. What about visiting access how welcoming is a bedsit to a child and why is it only suitable accomodation for an estranged male yet not a female? There are two parents to every child if they are both surviving they should BOTH be given due consideration as to the residency of the child, currently they are NOT so the whole contribution debate is a moot point anyway.

ben500

looby75 wrote:

I'm sorry but that is just rubbish. I am sure that there are a few women who feel that way but "many" not on your nelly.

The reason women fight long and hard to keep thier kids is because of maternal instinct. My ex walked out and left me in a totally crappy situation. I have very little money and the prospects of earning any more right now are remote to say the least. I have full responsibility for my kids, my ex has very little to do with them (1.5 hours a time 3 times a week either sat at his parents house or in my house so he doesn't have to actually deal with them) I rarely have any free time or am able to go for a night out, yet my ex can go on holidays or go out anytime he feels like it.

Would I swap places with him....not in this lifetime and not because of money because I know that my ex can not and would not look after our children better or even as well as I can. That's not me being big headed or anything it's simply that I am their mother and no one knows my kids better than I do.

Except perhaps their father not all fathers are bad/negligent or evil fathers, that's the problem fathers have to prove their ability to raise a child all a women needs is a womb!

MercilessKiller

MercilessKiller wrote:

Perosnal opinion is.

Lisa you should NOT have criticised the op. It is not your place to do so. The op was asking for advice NOT criticism. This is how the argument started. Men and Women both have bad attitutes towards different things but the op wanted help not an argument!!!!!!

Dear me.. just help the guy!

Just quoting myself so new users can read it.

I'm sick of seeing arguing in this thread when someone needs good honest advice. So PLEASE stop arguing. ONLY post with advice on what to do. Not with your opinons on who's right/wrong whatever.

roswell

My only advice is ... if she cant afford the house remorgage to 100%, give her half the equity and take your name off the morgage ... think about it it makes sence you get the half the equity she gets half the equity, you get a good deposit to get a new property she gets a lump sum she is entitled to.

chugalug

roswell wrote:

My only advice is ... if she cant afford the house remorgage to 100%, give her half the equity and take your name off the morgage ... think about it it makes sence you get the half the equity she gets half the equity, you get a good deposit to get a new property she gets a lump sum she is entitled to.

In order to do this the OP would have to prove to the mortgage company that he can afford 100% of the mortgage.

OP doesnt have to be married in order for ex to be entitled to a financial settlement because a biological child is involved. She will be able to go to court under Family Law. This would apply even if her name wasn't on the property.

A court would consider who will have the children and the ability of both parties to provide for those children. Although only one is biologically the OP's he has been in the other childs life for 14 years - the court would consider this. A court would not split up the children ie give custody to the OP of 'his' child and the other to his ex. Sibling attachments to each other are as important as parental attachments.

The OP should get legal advice. This is likely to cost but sort as much out as possible between you to avoid long drawn out, expensive legal arguments.

Above all, the best interests of the children are what's important - they had no choice in any of this. HTH

museumsteve

Hi Guys & Gals
Firstly I want to apologise for any offence through either my initial post or reply. I was not in the best mood as she was out with her boyfriend while I was typing so yes I was a little down.
I haven;t read all the replies yet but will tomorrow after work.

I would like to perhaps re-write some of the first post to give a better idea of how things have happened. I'm really not a bad guy as hopefully you will see.

I met her through a singles column in the local paper 14 years ago. I had split with my previous girlfriend as I wanted to look to settle down and have a family and she didn't. When I met L (current GF, well now ex of course) she seemed to want what I wanted. She had been through a fairly abusive marriage and had left him to take the plunge on her own with her son.
Anyway, we met and fell for each other immediately. Within a couple of months she was pregnant so she moved in (I didn;t mean my original comment about taking her in from council accomodation, it was a crap thing to say).
At the time I was working a good job, comfortable salary etc so once my son was born we moved into our current house. Things were perfect as far as I knew.
I had an itch in my palms and was desperate to start my own business, which is what I did and things were good for years. Unfortunately being self-employed does have drawbacks, one being the amount of time working so maybe we didn't go out as much as we should have but I can honestly say if we argued 3 or 4 times a year it was a bad year.
Anyway, move forward about 10 years (now 2004). My nephew came round with his girlfriend and during their visit I caught him giving 'L' certain looks. I left it but it played on my mind. A couple of days later I did the deed and checked her phone while she was in the bath and sure enough there was a message from him to her saying he wished they were in bed etc etc. I immediately emailed him and asked him what was going on (didn;t have his number at the time) and he said it was a silly mistake and that nothing had actually happened.
I confronted 'L' and she said the same and as time went on it was forgotten. fast forward a year or so and a similar thing happened but with someone at her works, again I confronted her and got the same story. Of course by this time I was starting to become a suspicious partner, which I hated. She started going out with work colleagues once a week. I did mention from time to time that it worried me that she may go off with someone else, but never made a big deal of it.
Fast forward to this February. Due to reduction in business I closed my business, which bought with it a few months of financial hardship and a bit of stress, but got through it and started working again a couple of months ago.
She started going out more regularly with work mates and of course playing in the back of my mind was that something may be going on. Sure enough I checked her phone and there was a message from this guy about when he was seeing her next.
I left things for a few days and came home from work one afternoon and asked her if she was happy. The bombshell hit and she said she wasn't happy and wanted us to split. Bang, that really hurt. She said that she doesn't know what or when things changed in her mind, only that her feelings changed and she doesn't think they would change back. Maybe she was simply having a bad day or two and this chap at work was there at the right time saying the right things and the rest is history.
Not a single day passed in our years together where I didn't tell her I loved her (without being over bearing), she got flowers and chocolates regularly and I always complimented her and have never stopped doing my share of the household chores, school runs, shopping etc.
I was heartbroken but love her so much I really do want her to be happy, so I agreed that we could handle this amicably with our boys at the forefront of our plans. I even suggested she started seeing the guy a couple of times a week so that we didn't have any secrets, we told the boys together to show our solidarity.
I did suggest that she could move out (with my help) and the boys stay with me but she flat refused.
I cant move and leave her here as she cant afford the mortgage, she wouldn't get support with her name on mortgage (according to solicitors as we'd be forced to sell the house) and as we weren't married I had no obligation to financially support her or the eldest son (now 16). So I suggested that my son (12) stay with me, eldest son with her and we would live round the corner from each other with keys to each others houses, boys could come and go as they please etc..but again she refused (nicely refused)

Whilst things are amazingly amicable (crumbs we still sleep in same bed and cuddle on sofa chatting about anything and everything - no intamacy of course) I cant help feeling that if I don't do things properly I'll end up with nothing and will have to start again.

I'm not one to agree with the whole 'she kept home and raised the family' argument because we've always shared that from day one..and I mean everything. She works part time and has never contributed to the home finances and therefore why would she automatically be entitled to half the house, forcing me to sell or at least have a legal agreement in place for the future. Just because I'm not keen in giving half (an agreed amnount but dont see why half) away has no bearing on me providing for my son whatsoever.

Anyway, maybe I came here looking for a sounding board, who knows..but I did want to put the record straight, I'm not an ogre, there's never been agression or abuse in our relationship at any level..I'm just at the wrong end of a bad deal, hence through no fault of my own in my opinion and I haven't done anything wrong.

Once again I do apologise if I offended anyone, I really didn't mean to have a go at women, crumbs, I adore women maybe I'm just struggling from time to time.

Anyway, I'll have a good read through the pages tomorrow..thanks for reading