Girlfriend leaving but wants half of house

museumsteve

My girlfriend of 14 years has decided she wants to leave me and has already started seeing a new fella. We have 2 boys, one mine and one by her previous marriage. We have a joint mortgage although she has not actually contributed to it, in our 10 years on this house she may have paid around £5000 in total towards bits n pieces where as I've paid the mortgage religiously every month.
She says she wants half the equity but I dont feel happy about it as she wants to leave and we never married (which has legal implications). Also, I have offered to keep my son with me here but she is refusing.
We are getting on really well to keep the household sain but I'm struggling about just giving half the equity away without looking into it first.
Any pointers anyone?

lisa_75

Who was looking after the boys and keeping house which you allowed you to go out working and pay the mortgage? I am sorry, but this kind of attitude from men makes me angry. There is more to contributing to a household than just paying the bills.

I am sorry for your split, but as her name is on the mortgage, she is more than likely entitled to half. I doubt the fact that you are not married comes into it. You should be thinking of the children and their future, not just your own financial gain.

Also, as you are not married, unless your son was born after 2003 or you have signed a parental responsibility agreement she will have sole parental responsibilty of your son. The best advice anyone can give you is to see a solicitor.

museumsteve

'this kind of attitude'???
I took her out of council accomodation with her son and raised him. We share all household duties and always have. She goes out weekly while I stay at home with the boys and always have.
Maybe the attitude from women should change a little. I've done nothing wrong except work my fingers to the bone providing for my family only to have it taken away through no fault of my own.
I've offered to keep my son here but was told it wasn't an option.
The fact we weren't married has everything to do with it as there is no 'matrimonial home' and therefore no specific finite rule, which is why I asked the question wondering if anyone had been through a similar situation.

I'm not considering financial gain at all, but if you didn;t have to would you throw money away.
Being a woman, soon to be single mum, she will get all the support she needs from various agencies..what do I get? nothing, so why would I not consider my options.
The boys are fine and will be looked after regardless.
You sound like a woman scorned, maybe you should consider every case is different. I still live in the house and take care of things while she goes out with her boyfriend, stays out at weekends and I'm still expected to carry on providing..tell me that's fair :rolleyes:

Jet

museumsteve wrote:

The fact we weren't married has everything to do with it as there is no 'matrimonial home'

Being married or not has very little to do with it. If her name is on the mortgage and you have a child together, she has rights. Even if her name wasn't on the mortgage, she would still have rights to the home.

I would seek legal advice if I were you.

comping_cat

My now ex went from living with his parents, to living with me, we had 2 children, and when i remortgaged i foolishly added him to the mortgage without making any provisions in case we split up. When he left, he was entitled to half the equity in the house, if we had been married, i wouldve been entitled to more, but as we wernt, he walked away with more than he had paid in, whereas i didnt, so please dont think that its only men that are hard done by in these situations. I was the one who paid the deposit, had done the house up and paid the mortgage (on my own, up until i left work when 8 months pregnant) He left when DS was 3, so for 3 years mortgage payments he didnt do too shabbily!!!!!
From my own experience, i would say she is entitled to half as she is on the mortgage and unless you made a provission as to what would happen in case of a split, there wont be much you can do!!!

teacup_2

I just wanted to post & say I dont think the " this attitude" was just aimed at you. It was men in general( not all men !). No I am not saying all men are bad either!!. Men & woman work alongside each other one working, or both partners working, someone staying at home etc.
Also sometimes in email & forums I think tones can be read in to things that are sometimes innocent ( not saying everyone is innocent). People are sometimes quick to attack on these forums( I am not aiming that comment at anybody just a generalization for these forums). You should be able to come on here for advice , with your views. Just by posting nobody can know the person fully and make a general view of what you are like, and it makes me paranoid about always doing everything so correctly on these forums.
Nobody knows each other so no one should take sides but I can see how us " woman " would view that its like saying because we are not bread winning we are not contributing.
But hey museum steve I am not reading into it because I am sure you didnt mean it to sound the way it read. ( but thats probably got some eyebrows raised!)
Hope it all works out all right.,Just go with the flow
and dont waste too much energy on anger/what ifs.

worrieddad_4

If her name was not on the mortgage then you would not have had to split the equity with her. Since it is, she will be entitled to half. Feel free to look into it but thats how the law stands at the moment.

chatta

Having seen solicitor only 3 months ago, i can tell you I am on mortgage of house, I am on deeds, yet it could be argued that as I stayed at home to look after our kids I might not be entitled to half of house as we are not married. It is not a foregone conclusion as it would be if I was married to partner. To fight it will cost approx £5000 he wont just give up half. I have worked for more than half of time we have had house, and dont intend to charge him for childcare but i do think it should all be split equally.

redmandarin

I felt quite sorry for you until you had a go at lisa_75! But now I am compelled to throw in a few suggestions!

museumsteve wrote:

I took her out of council accomodation

This sounds a bit of an arrogant statement for such a "caring" man to make, steve! Maybe she left of her own accord?

museumsteve wrote:

Maybe the attitude from women should change a little.

Maybe women's attitude will change a little, when men's attitudes changes a lot! teacup is right about the 'this attitude' comment. It is about men in general, but we know that they are not all the same (similar, maybe?;))!

museumsteve wrote:

I've done nothing wrong

museumsteve wrote:

through no fault of my own.

Come on now, seriously? If you're that great, then why did she find another bloke instead of you and why is it that she can't stand being with you to such a degree that she wants to leave you?

museumsteve wrote:

I'm not considering financial gain at all

Really? Are you sure? Then why not let her and the children have the house?! The fact that you weren't married has everything to do with it, in terms of children. You may regard it a canny move, not being married, thinking that this would mean your partner has no rights to the property, but it actually gives you less in terms of rights to custody of your son. Given that you are very unlikely to gain custody of the child and gain the house, do you really want to try and turf your son (and his half brother) out of it?

museumsteve wrote:

You sound like a woman scorned

She sounds like a women who's had dealings with men to me! The old "woman scorned" chestnut is exactly what men say when they're behaviour or attitudes are challenged by women!

Take advice on it steve, but I don't think you've got much of a leg to stand on here, legally.

And finally, think of the children, first and foremost in all this - and good luck to you all for the future!

hobo28

mate, you need to be careful with your words on forums like this.

Believe me, your on a hiding to nothing. She's on the mortgage, she'll get equity. You can employ solicitors to waste your money quibbling over it whilst she gets legal aid but ultimately she will get equity. Better to split it than give it to the legal vultures.

No decent mother would hand over one child to you and not the other. No court in the land would also seperate them. So whilst you'll get at best shared residence, more likely you'll get contact, no-one will support the idea of leaving your son with you whilst his half brother goes elsewhere. Not if the mother does not support this.

Its best to look at it as giving the equity towards securing the best place possible for your son's new home rather than giving it to your GF. Makes it a less bitter pill to swallow

lisa_75

museumsteve wrote:

I took her out of council accomodation with her son and raised him.

What a hero.

museumsteve wrote:

We share all household duties and always have.

Do you share all the childcare equally?

museumsteve wrote:

She goes out weekly while I stay at home with the boys and always have.

She goes out once a week and you actually look after the kids by yourself! My goodness you are hard done by.

museumsteve wrote:

Being a woman, soon to be single mum, she will get all the support she needs from various agencies..what do I get? nothing, so why would I not consider my options.

What..income support and a council house? Fantastic. Living on the poverty line with 2 kids is briliant. You are right she is so lucky.

museumsteve wrote:

You sound like a woman scorned

No. I have been with the same man all my life. I have never worked and this has meant that my husband has been able to throw himself into his career, while I supported him at home. The money he earns is as much mine as his as he would not be able to do the job he does without the childcare I provide as well as the domestic duties. We both have an equal input into the partnership and my husband would never suggest for one minute that my contribution was not equal to his, even though it was not financial.