Girlfriend leaving but wants half of house

museumsteve

margaretclare wrote:

And she was allowed out ONCE A WEEK while he looked after the kids!

She went out more than I did. I'm not a drinker and gave up clubbing years ago, she loves clubbing so she goes out when she likes, I never saw it as my place to stop or restrict her. I would take her to her mates, pick her mates up and ddrop them at a club or something and if the taxi queue was too long at closing time she could ring me to pick her up cos I wouldn;t want her walking home, this would be anything up to 3am and was never a topic for an argument between us.
I'm looking after our kids while she is out with her boyfriend, next weekend she has a weekend away with him and yes I'll be at home looking after our boys..not everything is as cut n dry as it seems.

kittykate_2

Talk about having her cake and eating it. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. It makes me so angry to read what's going on. Get her the hell out of your bed and off your sofa. Where is your backbone and your pride?

kittykate_2

RE above: so angry cos you seem really nice and from what i've read she doesn't deserve you.

skintchick

I'm confused - how can she get rights over the child that isn;t hers??? Surely Steve gets residency of the child that's HIS???

kittykate_2

skintchick wrote:

I'm confused - how can she get rights over the child that isn;t hers??? Surely Steve gets residency of the child that's HIS???

she has a boy and they have a boy together.

misty

They're both her children but only the younger is biologically the OP child although he has raised the elder from a young age.

looby75

ben500 wrote:

Except perhaps their father not all fathers are bad/negligent or evil fathers, that's the problem fathers have to prove their ability to raise a child all a women needs is a womb!

If you look on just about any open discussion adult orientated forum you will find a pattern. In the majority of relationship break-ups being discussed the fathers will be the ones to walk away, start new lives and have minimal contact with their kids...through choice. The cases of women doing the same are few and far between. And in some ways that is due to the existence of a womb as you suggest.

I'm not for one second suggesting that fathers aren't a vital part of a childs life. I have experienced this from both sides, as a child (I didn't know my biological father) and as a parent (my children's father, despite my best efforts to encourage and support a relationship between him and his children, spends minimal time with them) I know how exactly how hard it is for a child to feel rejected by a parent.

Most Mothers do have a deeper bond with their children than most men, just in the same way that most men are physically stronger than most women.
They have to deal with and adjust to the physical and mental changes bringing a child into this world requires many man months before the reality of it hits the father. It is a fact of genetics, a fact of nature.

If you doubt what I say I suggest you read the What was the biggest pregnancy secret??? thread

hobo28

Hi Steve

Well done for posting again. It certainly throws a whole new perspective on things.

I think you've been extremely calm about it, perhaps too nice.

Anyway, firstly the fact you still refer to both kids as "our boys" speaks volumes. As you quite rightly say, you no longer need to support the eldest and at 16 this shouldn't be a big deal. It would be great if you could keep a relationship going with him.

Your son is 12 so he's not going to just forget you. Have you decided how much contact you will have? Perhaps he can stay over 2-3 times a week. That way, your ex will still have overall residence but its as near as dammit shared.

Can you afford to buy her out of her share of the house? That would be the simplest solution and still provide some comfort to your son that not EVERYTHING is changing.

Its great that you are both sorting things out amicably and still showing a united front with the kids. But it really is time to start making life harder for her.

Sounds to me that she's gotten used to having her cake and eating it. My ex was like that. Never happy with what she had.

looby75

steve, my heart goes out to you even more.

It's obvious from your last post you are hurting so badly right now. (((hugs))) and I wish you well.

hobo28

looby75 wrote:

If you look on just about any open discussion adult orientated forum you will find a pattern. In the majority of relationship break-ups being discussed the fathers will be the ones to walk away, start new lives and have minimal contact with their kids...through choice. The cases of women doing the same are few and far between. And in some ways that is due to the existence of a womb as you suggest.

Ouch! I SO want to swear right now. Bear in mind that "most men" do their duty and their utmost best to minimise the suffering of their kids You only generally hear about those men who do swan off, not those who do their best. Also, remember that men get the rough end of the stick. Society expects women to have the kids automatically and the law pretty much backs this concept. How many fathers have HAD to walk away since the law completely failed to help???

As for the womb thing, what a load of b****cks! I cannot imagine anyone including the mother of my children loving my kids more than I do. How being in the womb has anything to do with women not leaving their kids, I will never know. I'd love to see the scientific evidence of that!

Society expects kids to be with their mum. mothers do not automatically make better parents. My ex left me with the children. She did fight for them 2 years later when I decided to move. She almost won too then gave in at the 11th hour. Her "compromise" was actually worse than what I was offering day 1. I now realise that it was because all she really wanted was someone to blame. She could then blame me when those people point and ask "how could she give up her own kids?"