Girlfriend leaving but wants half of house

ben500

krisskross wrote:

After reading this thread i have decided there is something wrong with me, and has been for most of my life.
Me and 'im indoors have 4 offspring, 2 sons 2 daughters, now in their 30s and forties.
We loved them , fed, clothed and housed them.
However I never felt they were the be all and end all of my life. I CHOSE my husband, and he has always been so so important in my life. The children also are so very important but I have always known that they would make their own lives, I cannot live my life through them.
We must have done something right because none of them remember just how poor we were, and lordy were we. Many a night my dinner was toast because the food wouldn't stretch to include me. All they remember is a happy childhood.
They all try to speak to us everyday, we know that if we need anything they will drop everything to help us, and vice versa I might add.
i have never considered myself, Mum, a better parent than my husband. He could and did all the things for our children that I did. Except the breast feeding, he couldn't manage that.
I have seen some appalling mothers in my time as I have seen dreadful fathers.
I think Dads make wonderful sole parents if need be, and if more Dads take on the responsibility of child rearing following a relationship breakup then the best of luck to them.

This has to be the most refreshing post I have read in this thread.

scheming_gypsy

pink_phantom wrote:

hankc,Just because people have a negative expereince of men doesn't make them femenists, it makes them wise to their own mistakes. .

it also doesn't give them the right to treat all men the same. You have to roll over, get on with it and try and get it right the next time.
If they tar all men with the same brush then they might as well be femaninsts.

radaas

lisa_75 wrote:

unless your son was born after 2003 or you have signed a parental responsibility agreement she will have sole parental responsibilty of your son. The best advice anyone can give you is to see a solicitor.

Going back to this, why what happened if child was born after 2003?
does this mean after start of 2003 or after 2003 ie jan 1st 2004?

lisa_75

radaas wrote:

Going back to this, why what happened if child was born after 2003?
does this mean after start of 2003 or after 2003 ie jan 1st 2004?

It applies to any child born after 1st December 2003


* The law changed on 1 December 2003 to make it easier for unmarried fathers to get equal parental responsibility: all you have to do is for both parents to register the birth of your baby together.
* Parental responsibility for your child gives you important legal rights as well as responsibilities. Without it, you don't have any right to be involved in decisions such as where they live, their education, religion or medical treatment. With parental responsibility, you are treated in law as the child's parent, and you take equal responsibility for bringing them up.
* Unlike mothers and married fathers, if you are not married to your baby's mother you do not automatically have parental responsibility for them.
* Before this change, you could only gain parental responsibility by later marrying the child's mother, signing an official agreement with the mother or getting a court order. You can still get responsibility in these ways - you might want to think about this if you have other children.

lisa_75

scheming_gypsy wrote:

ok phantom, maybe i was a bit harsh but lisa or whatever she was called just went straight in with both boots kicking the bloke when he was already down. She had no sympathy for the fact his relationship had broken down, she was just hell bent on airing feminist views giving everything to the OP's ex.

What is feminist about wanting to stay home and raise your own children? Why are you so negative about it? Do you think all children should be put in childcare at 3 months old and women forced to go back to work?

What about my husband’s feelings? He wants me at home, so he does not have to worry about the cooking, cleaning, childcare and can get on with his job. Does his opinion not count either?

If I was a raving feminist as you seem to think, I doubt I would be a married stay at home mother.

As for the OP I was just upset at the fact that his partner’s contribution to the home and family was seen as unequal as she did not contribute financially.

Some of the views in this thread are very anti women and motherhood. Terms such as "free-loader" shows that many men have no idea what it takes to stay home and raise children. It just saddens me that society devalues motherhood so much that women who take that path are seen as lazy.

pink_phantom

scheming_gypsy wrote:

it also doesn't give them the right to treat all men the same. You have to roll over, get on with it and try and get it right the next time.
If they tar all men with the same brush then they might as well be femaninsts.

When you cherry pick my quotations you conveniently forgot the bit at the end where i said that it applied to men and women.

As for the person who said they didn't need women. I'd be interestde to know how you came into this world without the aid of one. Clearly the point of that post went way over your head.

viktory

Gosh. Haven't things got heated??? I still say that the OP should see a solicitor - pronto. I don't agree with the way his GF is treating him but have the greatest respect for the fact that he is trying to keep things on an even keel for the children's sake.

Absolutely loved krisskross's post - if I could thank twice I would!

hankc35

lisa_75
If I was a raving feminist as you seem to think, I doubt I would be a married stay at home mother.

Personaly I would like to see you going out into the real world and earning some money, child care and cleaning can be done out of school hours, plenty of time for real work during school hours and weekends, I think then you will become a more confident and worthwhile person without the need to continuously justify yourself.

lisa_75

hankc35 wrote:

Personaly I would like to see you going out into the real world and earning some money, child care and cleaning can be done out of school hours, plenty of time for real work during school hours and weekends, I think then you will become a more confident and worthwhile person without the need to continuously justify yourself.

Do you have any kid’s hank or more importantly a wife? i find your attitude to women quite shocking in this thread. If you think it is so easy to get a job during school hours only, it is you that is not living in the real world. Apart from a dinner lady, I doubt there is much I could do without having to put my kids in childcare a large part of the time, especially during the school holidays.

At the moment I am an undergraduate student about to start my third year. I hope to do some post graduate study after that. Studying is ideal for women with school age children as they get the school holidays off and can work around the children. My children do go in childcare after school one day a week, but for me that is enough. It is not fair on a child to be out of the house from 9am till 6pm every day.

The only people I have to justify my lifestyle too are those that think staying home and looking after your children is some kind of cop out and not real work. Also all the women I know who work have granny to help out. My parents and in laws are young and I do not have the choice of leaving them with family. My husband would not swap places with me in a million years. I was very ill last year for 2 weeks and he found it very stressful dealing with the kids and keeping on top of everything.

If playing house was that easy more men would be doing it full time.

kal25

lisa_75 wrote:

If playing house was that easy more men would be doing it full time.

I agree Lisa_75, many a time my husband comments he could stay at home and look after the kids. That is until I mention that I am up at 4.45am to be at work for 5.30am,finish at 8am,then come home and start again with kids,housework and cooking. I get a little time to myself when they are in bed at 7pm but even then you are checking on them throughout the evening and I am in bed at 9/10pm if I am lucky because I am exhausted.
As for finding work during school hours, how would you work that? what with all the school holidays,it would cost more in childcare than you would be earning,so for most this is not a viable option. I am lucky and able to work before the children go to school and so holidays do not effect my working hours. Sorry, but not all women don't work because they don't want to but because they can't due to circumstances.