Girlfriend leaving but wants half of house

existentialist

Pure drivel.............

museumsteve

I'm still around, just dont get a lot of time to get on the net with work at the moment.
Everything aside I do want to get her out but what can I do. I can physically kick her out, I dont want any scenes with the kids (or for my own sanity) and she refuses to move til we're sorted with the mortgage and she is in a position to move on.
If I leave I'll be left with nothing and wont be able to afford to start again.
Due to remortgaging for business reasons we only have approx £80k in equity so if we split 50/50 £40k (max) wont get me back into a house with a mortgage I can afford on my own. I dont want a pokey flat cos I want somewhere for the boys to come and stay whenever they want, which is why I would like to stay here if possible.
L isn't expecting a cheque for the equity, which is helpful, but still wont speed up the process of her moving on.
The biggest problem is that while she is here we have to live together and I dont want to feel uncomfortable in my own home and whilst I know she is in the wrong I dont want her to feel uncomfortable either.
Maybe it's an odd situation, I'm probably handling it all wrong but I dont see any options at the moment.
She is away this weekend (with her bloke) so maybe I'll slap myself round the face and get my butt in gear and start making plans and rumaging through options.

I appreciate the replies and whilst this may start going off topic cos it isn;t entirely financially relevant, but it's nice to be able to post on a totally neutral forum and hear people's opinions.

Hopefully one day I'll be posting 'I'm sorted and everyone is happy'..who knows

hankc35

existentialist wrote:

Pure drivel.............

nope, its common sence.

pink_phantom

hankc,Just because people have a negative expereince of men doesn't make them femenists, it makes them wise to their own mistakes. Same with men. If a person signs on benefits then the decision to get money from the father is taken from them as the csa will do it automatically. If you choose to pay extra, that is your decision. Quite frankly, your views are just as tainted by your expereinces as evidenced by the angry way in which you write. The women on here are no different from yourself in that they have been wronged in some way by the opposite sex.

OP. Good to hear that she doesn't want equity as cash. If I was you I would consult a lawyer asap so that you know your options. there is no real way of removing her from the house without a scene. It sounds as though she is trying to force you to go. How old is your child because if they were born after a certain date (forget which, arounf 2003 I think) then you have automatic parental responsibilty and so would have as much right in taking your son as her legally(not advocating sudden dissapearance mind you, and not advocating seperating them if they are close either). You could apply for a council house and say that you have a child and are being made homeless? Try calling the council and see what they say.

ben500

existentialist wrote:

Pure drivel.............

I would have thought you'd agree with the op with a name like that!

looby75

ben500 wrote:

Unfortunately you are not going to be steered from your point of view that you are somehow bonded greater with your children than their father, however it's not my loss it's his, as for frequenting female dominated threads take a look at your post history I did. This man has come on here with his heart in his mouth and his head in his hands and all you lot can do is tell him how lucky he is! Give the man a break. There are plenty of the "we are the girlies don't mess with us" threads about to make your point it doesn't have to be done here.

I beg your pardon?

If you had really looked at my past history...on this thread alone you will see that I have been nothing but sympathetic and supportive to the op. I have simply suggested that it would be unfair to the children involved that they be split apart from each other and that because of that fact alone they should stay with their mother (being as the oldest child is his step son and he has never expressed any desire to gain custody of both children) None of the posts about maternal instinct were aimed at the op, they were directed to other posters who expressed their opinion that men where usually the victim in these situations. I expressed my opinion often they weren't.


In my case I know that I have a greater bond with my children than their dad does he has proven that, without doubt constantly. Even his own parents have washed their hands of his behaviour. You have no idea how hard I have fought over the last 2+ years to maintain my ex-husbands relationship with his kids. I have even given up the opportunity to move to the other side of the uk, back to where ALL my family live because I feel that it is important for my kids to have the opportunity to have regular contact with their dad. It's such a shame he doesn't feel it's as important as I do. It is his loss, but that loss never has been nor ever will be of my making.

ben500

Good to see your bearing up have some fun with the kids, and if you can find at least one in your immediate circle you can have a really good heart to heart with warts and all, someone who will give it to you straight between the eyes! Not just someone who will make appropriate sounds between each glass of wine or beer. Bang your gums then shut up sit back and listen, then do your thinking, you may just get the advice you need.

marleyboy

looby75 wrote:

swear away!!!

I don't want to sound patronising, but I know that what I am about to say will.

I had a feeling from your very first post that you were a dad who had raised his children.

You are to be commended for your commitment to your children. Just as any parent is.

But you are still the exception rather than the rule. I stand by my observation that maternal instinct is something that, for most women, is as natural as breathing and as alien as suffocating.


Sorry if it sounds simplistic but every fibre in my body screams to me that I need to be with my kids. I've never met a man yet who feels that way too.

I take it this is YOUR own personal view, as a woman, what do you know about all men, I find your attitude extremely offensive to men. You bloat on about some "Its a Maternal instinct", to me I find that SEXIST!, As for him being the "Exception", have you actually got some kind of scientific research on this, or is it just your own personal "exception". Men have just as much love for their children as Women do, What gives you the right to preach otherwise, other than some "its a maternal load of !!!!!!" I know of many women, that simply dump their kids, to be with someone younger, or simply because they find motherhood too much for them, next you will reply with "Oh yes, but they are just the exception, not the rule". If you dont want to sound patronising, just dont say anything.

looby75

museumsteve wrote:

Maybe it's an odd situation, I'm probably handling it all wrong but I dont see any options at the moment.

Hopefully one day I'll be posting 'I'm sorted and everyone is happy'..who knows

TBH steve I think you are handling it really well, I can't imagain how difficult it must be for you at the moment. There never is a "right" way of coping when something like this happens but you are doing your best and in the long run that is all anyone can do.

There is no hopefully about it, one day you will. It might take a while but you will get there. ((((hugs))))

hobo28

museumsteve wrote:

I'm still around, just dont get a lot of time to get on the net with work at the moment.
Everything aside I do want to get her out but what can I do. I can physically kick her out, I dont want any scenes with the kids (or for my own sanity) and she refuses to move til we're sorted with the mortgage and she is in a position to move on.
If I leave I'll be left with nothing and wont be able to afford to start again.
Due to remortgaging for business reasons we only have approx £80k in equity so if we split 50/50 £40k (max) wont get me back into a house with a mortgage I can afford on my own. I dont want a pokey flat cos I want somewhere for the boys to come and stay whenever they want, which is why I would like to stay here if possible.
L isn't expecting a cheque for the equity, which is helpful, but still wont speed up the process of her moving on.
The biggest problem is that while she is here we have to live together and I dont want to feel uncomfortable in my own home and whilst I know she is in the wrong I dont want her to feel uncomfortable either.
Maybe it's an odd situation, I'm probably handling it all wrong but I dont see any options at the moment.
She is away this weekend (with her bloke) so maybe I'll slap myself round the face and get my butt in gear and start making plans and rumaging through options.

I appreciate the replies and whilst this may start going off topic cos it isn;t entirely financially relevant, but it's nice to be able to post on a totally neutral forum and hear people's opinions.

Hopefully one day I'll be posting 'I'm sorted and everyone is happy'..who knows

How will she move on if your not going to give her a cheque for the equity??

I remember when my ex and I first split up, I told her she could stay as long as she needed to sort herself out. 3 months later, she was still there, no attempts to go, not even told her parents. It was only after I'd started seeing someone else and her family found out that she then made moves. Of course, I was to blame. I'd had an affair! No mention of the fact that we'd agreed to split up 3 months beforehand and had been living/sleeping seperately. For me being cast as the bad guy was a price worth paying.

My point is that if you make life too comfortable for her then where's the incentive to go?