Girlfriend leaving but wants half of house

wigginsmum

Gorgeous_George wrote:

It's just far too easy for people to break marriage vows. Adultery should be a criminal offence.

Agreed - it's a terrible betrayal and has a longlasting psychological effect on people.

krisskross

black-saturn wrote:

What a martyr and she did it all off of her own back too. No one has ever been so hard done by :rolleyes:

Oh dear BS, your envious side is well to the fore. Sorry if I upset you, but unlike some I tell it like it is.

EagerLearner

grex9101 wrote:

You've obvioulsy never been in that postion then. Sometimes the only refuge you can find (physical or otherwise) is with someone else.
Instead of realising there was a problem with the relationship, and trying to make amends the guy just apologised, buried his head in the sand and tried to pretend like it was forgotten about.
The underlying problem was never resolved.

Thanks for your response Grex9101 - it's all to easy for people to press the thanks button and 'thank' Hobo28 for saying that rash comment, without having been there or understood my point fully.

black-saturn

krisskross wrote:

Oh dear BS, your envious side is well to the fore. Sorry if I upset you, but unlike some I tell it like it is.

I'm not envious of you, far from it. I have done all the same as you and more yet I don't expect an award.

Mike307

I have empathy here, 10 years ago my marriage collapsed and I ended up standing on the street corner with 2 suitcases –courtesy of her father - all my wordly possesions I have redirected my frustration and anger to rebuilding my life. I now have mortgage free house (albeit a 2up 2 down in Andover), a car fully owned (albeit an ageing Peugeot with 75k on the clock) I have managed to quit smoking, quite drinking, and lost 2 stone (but still another 2 to go). I have travelled much of the UK (back packing). I have found employment after being made redundant (twice) at 50 yrs old and 54yrs old. My advice is to give 50% of the property – it’s the right thing to do, both for your child and yourself

Quote: Many who seem to be struggling with adversity are happy; many, amid great affluence, are utterly miserable.

Publius Cornelius Tacitus (55-117) Roman historian

EagerLearner

Gorgeous_George wrote:

Agreed, but it is financially rewarding for women to walk out on a relationship/marriage.

It's generalising I know, but it it was once said that when a women gets married she is better off financially and when a woman divorces, she is better off financially (or words to that effect).
GG

Ok, at least you admit it's a sweeping generalisation then... was the person who 'once said it' a man, by any chance :rolleyes:

I had more to my name than my husband when we met - he only had 2 rucksacks, a rusty Mini and an old radio player when we moved in together to a rented flat... when we got married, I still had more to my name in terms of savings... now everything we have is all ours and if we ever were to split (knock on wood) I guess I would part with half of the savings if it had to be done. We don't have a mortgage yet, so still renting as prices are so high for first timers.

Gorgeous_George wrote:

It's just far too easy for people to break marriage vows. Adultery should be a criminal offence.



GG

Hear, hear :T

hobo28

EagerLearner wrote:

Thanks for your response Grex9101 - it's all to easy for people to press the thanks button and 'thank' Hobo28 for saying that rash comment, without having been there or understood my point fully.

Ok, so you didn't sleep with the other person but saught "...comfort in someone else" (whatever that means!?!?!)
Whether that is right/wrong wasn't actually my point. My point is that it certainly wasn't your ex's fault you did that!

comping_cat

Gorgeous_George wrote:

Agreed, but it is financially rewarding for women to walk out on a relationship/marriage.

It's generalising I know, but it it was once said that when a women gets married she is better off financially and when a woman divorces, she is better off financially (or words to that effect).

I bet the separation rate is lower for people who rent. It's just far too easy for people to break marriage vows. Adultery should be a criminal offence.



GG

In my case, it was financially rewarding for the man to walk out!!!

I think in this day and age, where women are becoming more financially independent, the balance is starting to shift, although i will agree that at the moment, it is still the men who will lose out more.

I also agree with your views on adultery, i wouldnt go as far as making it a criminal offence, but it should definatly be a factor in any splits (whether a married split or long term relationship) maybe then people would think twice about walking away without trying to make something work.

hedley

Hello!

Only had a brief glance through this thread- there is some very emotive, but mostly understandable, posts on this subject:

Some observations: (I spent many years in children and families court welfare/therapy and social work- some of wish I hadn't!)

The law is frequently an !!!- what is seeks to do is make areas of grey black and white. Often it isn't fair!

Family break up is hideous- you are bound to feel upset and angry. Give yourself time to get over this- especially if it was very sudden for you.

Apportioning blame- while understandable, is really unhelpful for a quick outcome.

Legally, it often does not matter who is 'to blame' (apart from the obvious). The fact that you found your wife had a string of affairs- often has no bearing in the court..

The childrens' welfare should be paramount- drawn out expensive court cases over who gets the banger/3 piece suite are in no ones interest- apart from the legal profession. Do you really want your kids to be party to this?

The moment lawyers are involved it gets very expensive...some lawyers will seek to make you angry and will delay the process- this will increase their fee.

Some women do use kids as bargaining tools.

Some men are bitter and make it as difficult as possible for their kids by perpetuating vendettas against their ex -partners.

Unmarried fathers only have Parental Responsibility if they have had a document signed/ or perhaps court/ or the child was born after 2003.
If your child was born before 2003, and you are not married to the mother- YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS OVER YOUR CHILD. (It does not matter if you are named on the birth cert- odd but true!). You may have to court to get this if your (ex) partner is unhappy with this.

Maternal instinct- there are plenty of academic papers supporting this...
Paternal instinct- less academic evidence- but I think most would see that many males are devoted carers for their offspring.

Men who dismiss the input of stay at home mums, often lose out. You are a partnership.....your partner had a role- at home, this is valuable in itself. It is often a 24 hour 7 day a week responsibility.

The rare men who do get residency often have done a lot of the childcare previously. Looking after children involves more than taking them swimming, similararly running a home is more than mowing the lawn and taking out the bins!

Family needs fathers is an organisation that will support men who are in difficult family situations. There is a small subset of these men who should never ever see their children....(horrible but true.)

just my two penneth!
Hed

comping_cat

Very well said Hed, thank you!!!