Not very amicable split

[Deleted User]

Bubby wrote: »

This is something that I would be amazed at, if you went before a judge then you can explain that it was always your intention to stay at home after the 2nd plus if you are breastfeeding they would not remove a baby from its mother.

This man sounds a bit like poison to me, he is draining you of both money and happiness, he is not a sahd that loves spending time with his children he is just lazy! I would seek some legal advice on a lunchbreak (most offer a free half an hour) to see where you stand with the children and the house. Once you know all of that, re-direct your pay, cancel your overdraft on the joint account (only needs one of you to do this) so that he cannot spend what you don't have. Then once everything is in place so that he doesn't ruin you financially (which I suspect he would do if his beer money goes) then tell him you want a trial seperation and work out a schedule for him to see the children.

I hope you have some good friends and family to turn to for support

Here we go - women sticking together again !!!

Like someone said if the genders were reversed in this situation everyone would be going nuts.

galvanizersbaby

[quote=[Deleted User];32962231]Here we go - women sticking together again !!!

Like someone said if the genders were reversed in this situation everyone would be going nuts.[/QUOTE]

If it were a man posting and his partner had decided the relationship had ended and was unwilling to do anything to change this but she wanted to continue to live together under the same roof but have separate lives I would give the same advice

Bubby

[quote=[Deleted User];32962231]Here we go - women sticking together again !!!

Like someone said if the genders were reversed in this situation everyone would be going nuts.[/QUOTE]
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
Ummmm how bizarre because I remember posting about the guy who is staying with his partner out of duty that he too was in a very sad position.

pinkclouds

Almo wrote: »

Maybe, given the final paragraph in your post, you've just made a mistake with the phrasing here. I hope so, because otherwise that's really really sad. The child has a right to physical care, love and financial support. It shouldn't matter where it comes from.

Sorry to go OT a bit but I just wanted to elaborate. I was thinking of my friend with a 4 month old baby when I said physical care. He is an excellent dad but obviously cannot breastfeed his baby now that his partner is dead. Hugs and kisses can come from either parent, I agree, but a mom cannot be easily substituted. I realise some people will disagree but formula milk just isn't the same as breastmilk, although I'm sure we are all grateful for its invention - particularly under these circumstances. I guess it's not terribly relevant to the OP - sorry. I'm just a bit... well, there are some things money can't buy and a dad just isn't a mom. I feel cross that the OP's partner doesn't agree but maybe that's just because I'm thinking of my friend who does.

Anyway, terribly sorry OP. I am completely on your side but I may be completely biased and I have nothing practical to suggest. But thanks for putting up with my post on your thread. It's been useful to me! I didn't realise how much it was on my mind.

princess_skint_a_lot_2

Hi there

Im sorry for butting in on this thread, but just wanted to send you big hugs my love for what you are going through. I went through a very VERY bitter custody battle with my ex. I have always been the main carer until my husband decided to go on strike with his work for months, no money coming in, a huge mortgage bills to pay, food to put on the table. I went out got 2 jobs to support us, i missed my daughter every second of the day, but i worked so much for her, my motivation was love for her! I didnt want to be away from her but the alternative was quite simple, either i work or we dont have a roof over our heads or food on the table, i was really hurt that my ex husband could have worked but CHOSE not too. I didnt feel that my daugher was getting proper care when she was with him as he thought a good way to fill his day was to leave housework, washing our daughter, brushing her hair etc till i got home at nearly 7 in the evening, and he thought a good educational afternoon was teaching her how to shout when she saw a german on his call of duty playstation 3 game!! It came to a head and i left, i gave up one of my jobs and my mum and my best friend helped me out with childcare. Consult a solicitor straight away, it was so much of a relief to have someone behind me who was there for me to call for advice. My husbands barrister made me out to be a hard hearted woman who could leave her daughter all day, and i was wanting custody to spite my ex husband in a game where our daughter was another way of hurting him, all i wanted was for him to be amicable with me, and all i wanted was to have my daughter with me and still have a good relationship with her dad, i love her so much and i was so conscious of how this was affecting her, she has gone through so much. My ex used to say mummy wants to take you away from me so you cant see me anymore ( i moved to a house less than a mile away)and it psychologically affected her so much. I really wanted to punch him for that. The good thing that came out of this was that when i did leave, and i took over the reigns as her "primary carer" again, she blossomed. Her nursery teacher came out to me just a few weeks after i left and tooke me to one side and said, your daughter has blossomed this last 3 weeks, she was happier in herself and could concentrate more as i had her in a routine, she wasnt around a volatile situation and was still seeing her dad. Thankfully in court i had the best team with me, and i was granted residency of her. I left everything behind and financially im worse off for it as im still paying debts off etc, but im now happy, my daughter is happy and i have her with me, she still has a relationship with her dad and she knows she is very much loved by all of her family on both sides which is the most important thing. I cant send you enough hugs on the start of this rough journey, your child and your unborn precious one are the most important things in the world.xx

pollyanna24

"This man sounds a bit like poison to me, he is draining you of both money and happiness, he is not a sahd that loves spending time with his children he is just lazy! I would seek some legal advice on a lunchbreak (most offer a free half an hour) to see where you stand with the children and the house. Once you know all of that, re-direct your pay, cancel your overdraft on the joint account (only needs one of you to do this) so that he cannot spend what you don't have. Then once everything is in place so that he doesn't ruin you financially (which I suspect he would do if his beer money goes) then tell him you want a trial seperation and work out a schedule for him to see the children.

I hope you have some good friends and family to turn to for support"

I am still reading through this thread, I haven't disappeared, but feel a bit tired and drained to try and defend myself anymore, mainly about the "If it was the other way round..." instead of people reading it fully.

Thanks for everyone who have been "on my side."

Just thought I would comment on the above in bold. Here's the laughable thing. I have sacrificed my lunch hour in order to finish at 4pm instead at 5pm, so that I can get home and have some more time with daughter. Which I spend cooking dinner.

And no I don't have many friends, trying to find some on netmums, but it's hard when I work all week and mums have done the toddler group thing. Feel like a lost wanderer with my little girl at the weekends.

honeypop

pollyanna24 wrote: »

And no I don't have many friends, trying to find some on netmums, but it's hard when I work all week and mums have done the toddler group thing. Feel like a lost wanderer with my little girl at the weekends.

Check your local sure start centres, some do a toddler group on Saturdays, every few weeks or so, for mums that work in the week. They are free and a great chance to see your little one playing and also to meet other working mums and create a little weekend social network perhaps.

lynzpower

pollyanna24 wrote: »

"This man sounds a bit like poison to me, he is draining you of both money and happiness, he is not a sahd that loves spending time with his children he is just lazy! I would seek some legal advice on a lunchbreak (most offer a free half an hour) to see where you stand with the children and the house. Once you know all of that, re-direct your pay, cancel your overdraft on the joint account (only needs one of you to do this) so that he cannot spend what you don't have. Then once everything is in place so that he doesn't ruin you financially (which I suspect he would do if his beer money goes) then tell him you want a trial seperation and work out a schedule for him to see the children.

I hope you have some good friends and family to turn to for support"

I am still reading through this thread, I haven't disappeared, but feel a bit tired and drained to try and defend myself anymore, mainly about the "If it was the other way round..." instead of people reading it fully.

Thanks for everyone who have been "on my side."

Just thought I would comment on the above in bold. Here's the laughable thing. I have sacrificed my lunch hour in order to finish at 4pm instead at 5pm, so that I can get home and have some more time with daughter. Which I spend cooking dinner.

And no I don't have many friends, trying to find some on netmums, but it's hard when I work all week and mums have done the toddler group thing. Feel like a lost wanderer with my little girl at the weekends.

Are you in London?

pollyanna24

lynzpower wrote: »

Are you in London?

Work in London, live in Herts. So bit of a trek every day.

lynzpower

Shame if you lived nearer me, Id be your freind! Seems like you need a bit of backing at the moment xx